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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD wasn’t unreasonable not to give up reserved seat?

408 replies

jasminajasminda · 06/05/2018 11:26

Dd17 was getting the train from London to Edinburgh yesterday to visit her sister at uni (she’s just finished her internal school year 12 exams, and lessons don’t start again until Wednesday).

We obviously reserved her a seat. She arrived, got on the train, and sat down in her seat. The train was very busy, and a few minutes after the train started moving, a middle aged woman with a walking stick, having apparently wandered through several carriages (dd was in the front carriage) without finding a seat, looked around dd’s Carriage, then came up to her and asked her to move as she needed a seat (pointedly making a big deal of her walking stick). When dd pointed out that she had reserved that seat, and there was no way she was giving up her seat on a four hour train journey, the woman told her that she was young, and therefore didn’t need a seat as much as she did.

At this dd put on her headphones, and listened to music and ignored her. The woman eventually huffed and left the carriage. Dd said that she noticed a few other passengers giving her (dd) dirty looks throughout the journey.

Was dd being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PotterGrangerWeasley · 06/05/2018 12:40

It actually baffles me that someone is called selfish for not giving up a seat they reserved and paid for to stand for over 4 hours.
It is right that a person with a disability is able to sit down, particularly for a long journey, but it isn't wrong for someone who reserved a seat to decline to move.

JonSnowsCloak · 06/05/2018 12:41

She was not BU, were all the seats reserved? My response would have been sorry I have reserved this seat and its a four hour journey, are there any unreserved seats? You can see at the top of the seats if there are any.

UndomesticHousewife · 06/05/2018 12:41

She should have reserved a seat.
My 17 year old dd has bad health problems and no way would be able to stand for 4 hours but you wouldn't know to look at her. Just because she's young doesn't mean she doesn't need a seat.

Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 12:41

PotterGrangerWeasley

It is because doing what you are entitled to do and being selfish aren't mutually exclusive. Sometimes you can be right AND selfish.

hammeringinmyhead · 06/05/2018 12:42

She wasn't being U. I think she picked your daughter because of her age (that's what people mean when they have posted it is about age - if this woman had been 20 she was still picking the young female who she thought would move more easily than the 20s bloke across the aisle).

Someone who wasn't doing the full journey could have offered to move. I hate it when people make assumptions - I am pregnant and people have glared at me several times for sitting in priority seats on buses and tubes.

Cheeseislife · 06/05/2018 12:43

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Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 12:45

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Battleax · 06/05/2018 12:45

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C8H10N4O2 · 06/05/2018 12:48

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Stirner · 06/05/2018 12:49

The people that are saying they would be "ashamed" if their kids did the same need to take a long hard look at their priorities.

If you teach your children to roll over like that you're setting them up for a life of being tread on by others at the best. This is especially true if you have daughters.

Pengggwn · 06/05/2018 12:51

Stirner

I absolutely am NOT teaching my DD to roll over. I have no problem standing up for myself at all.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/05/2018 12:51

If you teach your children to roll over like that you're setting them up for a life of being tread on by others at the best.

Yes because people are routinely trampled on by the disabled and all their ridiculous rights and benefits.

This was a person already disadvantaged, not someone at the top of the privilege tree.

jedediah · 06/05/2018 12:51

*The people that are saying they would be "ashamed" if their kids did the same need to take a long hard look at their priorities.

If you teach your children to roll over like that you're setting them up for a life of being tread on by others at the best. This is especially true if you have daughters*

This. 100%.

TheFairyCaravan · 06/05/2018 12:52

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Basta · 06/05/2018 12:52

But doesn't sound very nice that your DD stuck her headphones on and ignored her.

Probably having reached an impasse after being badgered by the woman with the walking stick. She didn't ignore her at first, but there's only so many times you can tell someone that you're not going to give up your seat before you run out of things to say.

EdmundCleverClogs · 06/05/2018 12:53

Gosh isn’t this delightfully frothy thread for a Sunday. Ageism, disableism, ‘faking’ stick use, I’m so full on goadyness I won’t be able to eat my Sunday dinner!

dinosaursandtea · 06/05/2018 12:54

Your daughter was in no way responsible for fixing that woman’s problem. YANBU.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/05/2018 12:55

But nice bit of disablism there.

there has been ageism through out the thread but whatever sticks in your craw

C8H10N4O2 · 06/05/2018 12:55

None of my adult children let people walk all over them. All of them were brought up to try and consider people who had greater need or were disadvantaged compared to themselves.

Being assertive and looking after yourself does not preclude a bit of common humanity

TheFairyCaravan · 06/05/2018 12:55

The people that are saying they would be "ashamed" if their kids did the same need to take a long hard look at their priorities.

If you teach your children to roll over like that you're setting them up for a life of being tread on by others at the best.

We brought our children up to give up their seat if someone needed it more or to offer to help someone if they looked like they needed it, and funnily enough now they are adults they are doing just fine, and are yet to be trampled on.

bengalcat · 06/05/2018 12:56

Not unreasonable no - good idea to reserve a seat on busy trains - interesting that none of the ' dirty look ' brigade remained firmly glued to their seats

C8H10N4O2 · 06/05/2018 12:56

there has been ageism through out the thread but whatever sticks in your craw

That particular comment was disablist.

Your point is? Its possibly for a GF thread to be disablist and ageist and also plenty of other "ists". They often go hand in hand IME

dinosaursandtea · 06/05/2018 12:59

Oh, so we’re supposed to ignore that fact that plenty of older people have a level of entitlement that means younger people don’t deserve respect? Hmm

PotterGrangerWeasley · 06/05/2018 13:00

Pengggwn

You are absolutely correct that someone can be right and selfish. But you can't live your life always putting other people's needs first at the expense of your own. Yes there should be consideration for others, but I find it unfair to call the OP's DD selfish for this.

Ohlalasayohla · 06/05/2018 13:02

I would have given up my seat and then found the guard. I hope my children would too but they are much too young yet. I'm not setting them up to be doormats, but instead to be good members of society who look out for others.
One day your daughter will be old too - maybe circumstances will prevent her from booking a seat!
And yes, the other passengers should have offered to help.

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