To think DD wasn’t unreasonable not to give up reserved seat?

[jasminajasminda]

Dd17 was getting the train from London to Edinburgh yesterday to visit her sister at uni (she’s just finished her internal school year 12 exams, and lessons don’t start again until Wednesday).

We obviously reserved her a seat. She arrived, got on the train, and sat down in her seat. The train was very busy, and a few minutes after the train started moving, a middle aged woman with a walking stick, having apparently wandered through several carriages (dd was in the front carriage) without finding a seat, looked around dd’s Carriage, then came up to her and asked her to move as she needed a seat (pointedly making a big deal of her walking stick). When dd pointed out that she had reserved that seat, and there was no way she was giving up her seat on a four hour train journey, the woman told her that she was young, and therefore didn’t need a seat as much as she did.

At this dd put on her headphones, and listened to music and ignored her. The woman eventually huffed and left the carriage. Dd said that she noticed a few other passengers giving her (dd) dirty looks throughout the journey.

Was dd being unreasonable?

Your DD did the right thing. Why should she give up her seat, especially a reserved one.

It’s the bit where she put her earphones in and conspicuously ignored her that’s making me wince.

People can seem obstreperous when they’re stressed and is she was facing four hours for which she was unable to stand, someone calling a guard would have been considerate. Really one of the older passengers should have offer d to fetch help.

perhaps she could have offered to find the guard so that they could help the woman find a seat.

Why couldn’t the woman do this herself?

Your daughter did the right thing. And for the people giving her dirty looks, they should have given up their seat.

I think the women should have reserved a seat, shouldn't have targeted your daughter and the other passengers were being unreasonable but I would have moved in that situation because it would be easier for me to stand or seat hop during the journey.

Why couldn’t the woman do this herself?

Because she was less agile and mobile, had alr ash walked the length of the train and was struggling?

There are seats that are priority for disabled people. And she should have reserved a seat. I wonder if the women walked through carriages to find someone she stereotypically thought would be compliant - a young female.
Your daughter was definitely NBU.

I certainly wouldn’t have been proud of my kids-firstly for refusing (it’s not always about who has the ‘right’; kindness to others is an important quality, even when it is inconvenient), and the rudeness of putting on headphones to disengage says more about your parenting & your daughter’s attitude than anything else.

I think it's better to put on headphones and disengage than to start a slanging match.

I can't stand for long periods of time. I can't even walk for long periods of time. I'm not registered disabled either

I would have reserved myself a seat. I also would not have given up my reserved seat. I would have been in agony to stand for 4 hours and would have been unable to move when it comes to getting off the train. I probably would have been bed bound for the entire weekend due to pain.

Your dd was not BU

Everyone is saying “she should have reserved a seat”, but we don’t know that she deliberately didn’t.

Maybe she tried or thought she had and something went wrong. Maybe she made a wrong click or someone else made the booking for her.

Maybe she went to her reserved seat and was met with verbal abuse.

Similarly, maybe she thought asking a teenager was reasonable etiquette; A better choice than asking an adult, not because she want d to intimidate but because that seemed fairer to her.

When DS1 was in basic training he returned to camp on the train. The army had paid for a reserved seat for him. He’d only gone two stops when a disabled person got on and everyone did that annoying thing of pretending they hadn’t seen them, put their heads down and ignored them. DS1 didn’t he offered his seat and sat on his bag by the doors. Maybe that’s because I’m disabled and he’s seen me struggle for almost all of his life.

I think it's better to put on headphones and disengage than to start a slanging match

Those are the only two choices for some reason?

I presume we’re referring to a healthy 17 year old here though, unless I’ve missed a drip-feed.

No one would expect anyone with any disability/pain/medical problem to give up a seat. Yes, the lady was remiss not to have reserved. That is her ‘crime’. The daughter of the Op is a selfish person; I know which is the lesser ‘crime’ in my eyes, and which one I’d be more ashamed if it it was my child.

The lady should have booked herself a seat if she needed one. She obviously asked your daughter to move because she is a teenaged girl.

You don’t know why she didn’t reserve her seat, maybe it was a last minute trip that had to be taken.

I have mobility issues and reserve seats on long train journeys for that reason. I do ask on short trips but the woman should have booked like you did.

The daughter of the Op is a selfish person; I know which is the lesser ‘crime’ in my eyes, and which one I’d be more ashamed if it it was my child.

Yes it was selfish but it would be interesting to know if she only asked your dd and if that’s the case why your dd because she was young? Female? So therefore more compliant?

@Homemenu1 Then she should have spoken to a guard or direction her question at the carriage, not tried to make a teenaged girl give up her seat because she seemed an easy target.

I'm with the majority on this, that in this case your daughter wasn't being unreasonable. I'd ignore the small amount of virtue signallers that gave responded, if they were faced with a situation of offering a seat I'm sure they would also be suddenly looking out the window or studiously studying yesterday's paper/the free magazine.

Furthermore it sounds like the other passenger targeted your daughter because she assumed she would be a soft touch, so that makes her refusal even less unreasonable.

Yes it was selfish but it would be interesting to know if she only asked your dd and if that’s the case why your dd because she was young? Female? So therefore more compliant?

To be honest, I usually expect young people to be kinder. Usually they have had less time to become hard-hearted. Obviously not in this case, but you know.

And I agree with others. The woman was singling out a perceived easy target rather than an adult who would have told her where to go.

She could have kept going thru the carriage and found a seat, found a guard to help negotiate a seat, but no she opted to pick on a child.

How can you possibly know that was her reasoning for asking the teenager crazycat ?

She could equally have thought that asking a fit young teenager was the more reasonable request.

Ok so if it was a last minute trip etc she should have asked at the station or the train manager or asked the whole carriage for a seat not looked for a ‘good girl’ to give hers up.

In a carriage full of people, none of whom were prepared to give up their seat, the woman who needed a walking stick is the unreasonable one?

It’s like an alternate universe.