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AIBU?

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Original poster

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!

975 replies

pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

Can't believe the previous thread reached a thousand posts, thanks so much for your support everyone!

I ended up reading MIL's facebook messages for me this morning. Turns up she wants to meet up at a café this weekend to smooth things over "without the boys knowing". She also said she would bring the egg pram back (?!).

Haven't replied yet. DH was pretty upset last night; not sure if he is actually considering going NC with his father. If so, it wouldn't be fair of me to meet up with his Mum in secret - but she's always been lovely to me and I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.
Ugh! Still so gutted over this whole thing.

You have all posted some very good advice so I am going to sit and read through it until I decide what we do now.

OP posts:
Original poster
pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

for my DC, of course!

OP posts:
Original poster
pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:39

English is not my first language so apologies if my phrasing can come off confusing.

OP posts:
senua · 04/05/2018 08:39

"without the boys knowing"

No. She is enabling FIL, don't join in.

SeaCabbage · 04/05/2018 08:39

I think meeting up in secret will do the opposite of "smoothing things over". You need to keep up a team with your DH.

Fishface77 · 04/05/2018 08:40

I would tell DH and I would probably meet up with her.
I would tell her that the relationship with FIL is seperate to your relationship with her. I would not accept the Pram back and wouldn’t allow myself to be financially controlled by this pair.

Talk to them by all means but keep your distance and learn your lesson.

Emma198 · 04/05/2018 08:41

I'd tell him I was going to see her. Sounds like you've always got on well with her and don't have a lot of other support. That being said I'm terrible for just wanting to smooth things over for an easy life!

Midthreademergencynamechange · 04/05/2018 08:41

Don't you worry about this story being picked up by the tabloids? It's pretty unique!

Tiredmum100 · 04/05/2018 08:41

I would meet up with your Mil, but I'd probably tell your dh you're going to. I'd also tell her not to bring the egg that you'd like to talk first. To be honest it sounds like fil is the problem not her. She's probably well aware he's a bit of an idiot!

londonrach · 04/05/2018 08:42

Can someone do an update fromabout page 18 please. I take it op told dh

ArtBrut · 04/05/2018 08:42

Just say no, it’s not fair to go behind your DH’s back.

GoJetterGirl · 04/05/2018 08:42

Meeting MIL in secret will undermine your marriage to DH, it's a big ask and you shouldn't be put in a position where you have to keep secrets from your husband.

GothMummy · 04/05/2018 08:42

Dont do anything without telling your DH first.

Nichelette · 04/05/2018 08:43

Don't go behind your husbands back especially as he was so upset by the situation and was so lovely and stood up for you. You don't want to upset things with him too. If you want to I'd speak to him about it first to see what he thinks. Good luck!

Twogoround · 04/05/2018 08:44

Not your business back away. Far far far away . Your famliy in your DH and your kids . Your kids do not need this shit in their life .

JuneBalloon · 04/05/2018 08:44

Read the beginning of your last post - but not all (for obvious reasons!) So based on my (limited) knowledge of what has been going on, I'd meet up with her but only with your DH's knowledge and blessing and purely with the intention of keeping your dc's grandparents in their life.

I'm shocked at your FIL's actions and it will forever affect your relationship, but it shouldn't impede on your children's relationship with them...

I'd also be tempted to say no more gifts and don't take the egg pram back!

Oldbutstillgotit · 04/05/2018 08:44

Please don’t meet her in secret . Your DH needs your full support and it would be a real slap in the face if / when he found outyou you had gone behind his back . And no to posh pram .

yy558 · 04/05/2018 08:44

Tell you DH. Stay a team.

Also your MIL sounds manipulative. Don't feed it

timeisnotaline · 04/05/2018 08:46

I would meet IF I told dh and he was supportive, but say no to the pram, we didn’t ask for it and fil seems to think we did. He was pretty clear and we don’t want anything from someone who thinks like that. We can care for our own baby.

senua · 04/05/2018 08:46

I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.

Fair enough, but this situation is your chance to lay ground rules. Don't blow it.
Take your time, think about it. There is no hurry.

ajandjjmum · 04/05/2018 08:46

Be honest with DH - you don't keep secrets! If he agrees, I don't think seeing MIL would do any harm, so long as you're prepared to walk away if she pressures you.

On the basis you had a good relationship previously, it seems a shame to lose it on the basis of one incident, although I agree it is a pretty big thing! In hindsight, it may be good that you've got this insight into your FIL's character, so you can protect yourselves in future.

timeisnotaline · 04/05/2018 08:47

You can always say yes to having the pram back later once you have established that gifts are no strings. But this needs either rapprochement with fil or mil telling him to pull his head in (seems unlikely )

Shadow666 · 04/05/2018 08:47

Tell her to leave the pram for now. I still can’t understand how this blew up so fast. It all seems so ridiculous.

You mentioned that FIL had been treating your DH like crap for a while now.

I think you need to focus on the relationship in general.

timeisnotaline · 04/05/2018 08:48

But agree you and mil is the likely best way to recover from this given I’m sure she is desperate not to be pushed out of gc life. But no secrets from your dh!

Timefortea99 · 04/05/2018 08:48

Your DH has been very supportive so I would not go behind his back. I would tell him that she has made contact and that you would like to meet her as you have always liked her. If he wants to come along you should tell your MIL that. Just tell her you were not comfortable meeting her without telling your DH. If she makes a big thing of you telling your DH I would back off from them. I would also tell her not to bring anything with her as you do not feel comfortable and you will not accept it.

TheAntiBoop · 04/05/2018 08:48

Don't meet her in secret - speak to your dh first

It sounds like she could be in a controlling relationship - in that case it will still be very hard to maintain a relationship with her as there will be constant anxiety about fil finding out. Your dh will know better if this could be the case.

The way you described the family relationship it does sound like fil is very dominant and expects obedience from his family.