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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!

975 replies

pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

Can't believe the previous thread reached a thousand posts, thanks so much for your support everyone!

I ended up reading MIL's facebook messages for me this morning. Turns up she wants to meet up at a café this weekend to smooth things over "without the boys knowing". She also said she would bring the egg pram back (?!).

Haven't replied yet. DH was pretty upset last night; not sure if he is actually considering going NC with his father. If so, it wouldn't be fair of me to meet up with his Mum in secret - but she's always been lovely to me and I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.
Ugh! Still so gutted over this whole thing.

You have all posted some very good advice so I am going to sit and read through it until I decide what we do now.

OP posts:

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 04/05/2018 09:00

Agree daily mail.. Re pram the whole thing thing undermines her dh as though he is the unreasonable petulant boy here.

crispysausagerolls · 04/05/2018 09:00

I don't know why, but I'm finding the exchange of the egg and now potential return of the egg and just everything about the egg screamingly hilarious. I think it's because of the word egg 🙈😂

In al seriousness OP, I would let her know that you won't be going behind your husband's back, and tell him about the messages (if you haven't already). She should, as his mother, be pleased that her son has a loyal wife. What were the tone of her messages like? That's quite important - whether she was huffy or sounded conciliatory. You hold all the cards here, so no need to give in or do anything you aren't comfortable with. Sorry for finding the egg thing so amusing 🍳

expatinscotland · 04/05/2018 09:00

I'd be just as angry with her for trying to undermine her own son to enable your utter twat of an FIL. Yeah, maybe she's in a shite relationship but she's an adult with choices and continually enabling her dick of a husband at her child's expense is deplorable.

MelodyKittenPond · 04/05/2018 09:00

Please, please, please talk this over with your DH first.
He was so supportive yesterday, and he needs to be on board with this meeting - whether its both of you and MIL or just you and her.

JoeElliotsMullet · 04/05/2018 09:00

Also, you could take the posh pram, sell it, buy x amount of expensive wine glasses with the funds, send one to FIL and then never speak to them again...

extinctspecies · 04/05/2018 09:00

Meet her, but tell your DH you are going to meet her, and tell him what was said afterwards.

pigmcpigface · 04/05/2018 09:02

NO to a 'secret meeting'. She's trying to appease your FIL, while keeping you on side. FIL needs calling out. This is your chance to set a boundary. Keep strong with your DH.

TERFragetteCity · 04/05/2018 09:02

Won't be much of a secret if you return with the pram will it?

Singlenotsingle · 04/05/2018 09:02

Viques is right. A synopsis would be useful if there were 1000 comments! I read the beginning. Someone broke a wineglass and the wanted payment of £150. And then?

Inkstainedmags · 04/05/2018 09:02

I agree with pp - it's worth meeting up with MIL but do tell DH beforehand in case he has a reasonable, legitimate reason for thinking it's a bad idea. FIL is 100% in the wrong but it would be so unthinkably sad to sever this relationship over a fucking glass.

Also agree tell her not to bring the buggy this time. They seem awfully focused on things and you need to make it clear that this is about relationships, not the material benefits you get from them.

onedayiwillmissthis · 04/05/2018 09:03

What 'Sunwhereareyou' said is spot on.

HonkyWonkWoman · 04/05/2018 09:03

Tell your Dh what Mil has suggested and see what he says.
The Fil sounds like a controlling bully and very used to his own way. Do not be beholden to this man in any way.
Mil? Not sure really! Could be bullied by controlling Fil but that's their problems.
Also, you mentioned that Fil had been treating your Dh badly for a while.
Let the decision come from your Dh.
i would say that both of you go to any meeting with Mil, in any case.

PleaseAndThanks · 04/05/2018 09:03

She is obviously sweet but enabling FILs shitty behaviour.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/05/2018 09:03

Do not meet her actually under any circumstances now and particularly behind your H's back. With such people your H and you need to present a united front and have clear and high boundaries. She is her H's enabler and narcissists always need a willing enabler to help them.

You likely come from a nice and importantly emotionally healthy family; your DH has not been so lucky here. Your child as well needs emotionally healthy grandparents; clearly his mum and dad are not and are people that you really do not want to be around at all. His behaviour over the wine glass is a taste of what is yet to come, this is what they've been like all along. If these two can and do treat you with such disdain they will do similar to you further and via your child too, they will undermine your parenting skills. You're already seeing this with the pram.

Lupercalia · 04/05/2018 09:03

I would tell my DH.

I would then tell MIL, yes we will meet but DH knows.

I wouldn't be taking back the pram at this stage.

Crispbutty · 04/05/2018 09:04

I agree with the others, please tell your husband and maybe let him come too. He’s been supportive and backed you from the start of this so it would be wrong to meet her behind his back, even if her intentions are good.

User5trillion · 04/05/2018 09:05

Viques- basically op dropped a wine glass - filled with non alcoholic liquid and broke it. She is pregnant with first possibly only gc.
Fil then sent a bill and link so she could buy a new wine glass. Op can't afford £156 to replace it.
There is other stuff, fil is a dick. Toys got thrown out of pram and now relationship is being damaged, baby stuff returned and maybe a car?? Mil wants to smooth things over with op. She is enabling dick fil and op should not go behind her dhs back, who has been great and really supported op.
I think that is the jist.

Op dont go behind your dhs back. Take a step back and see the big picture, fil will always be a dick so learn to manage your interactions with him. Gp can be important to kids but keep alert as he has shown his true colours now

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 04/05/2018 09:05

Don't tell dh anything!! It's his parents.

Nothing has to be sorted today.. I would absolutely not reply until after the the weekend otherwise your not allowing any time for things to change.
It will slip very quickly back into the status quo.

Yes. egg is hilarious.. Slipping into lilliput

Figgygal · 04/05/2018 09:05

Not behind dh back and I wouldn't take the egg back either

Hortonlovesahoo · 04/05/2018 09:06

You need to tell dH and be a team here. I personally wouldn’t meet her but want to make sure the dH leads the way for how he wants to manage the relationship with his parents.

Laiste · 04/05/2018 09:07

You need to present a united front on this.

DH backed you up and bravely took the pram and stuff back.

It would be damaging to go along with MILs ''Oh lets us women get together and arrive at exactly the same thing that FIL wanted in the first place'' !!!!!!!!! ie pram back where it was and the status quo back to where it was too.

I'd be fuming if my DH met up with my parents after i'd managed to make a stand against them.

Juells · 04/05/2018 09:07

I think people are being a bit mean accusing the MiL of being manipulative. It sound more like she's given in to being controlled - probably financially as well, since she offered DH £60 towards the glass. That may be all she could get hold of.

She may be afraid of the FiL, if he's very controlling. I agree with others who say run it by your DH and see what he suggests, go with that. He's known them both all his life so will have a fair idea what's going on.

Laiste · 04/05/2018 09:07

''The boys'' .....

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 04/05/2018 09:08

I actually think it could be very helpful to meet with her if you want to resolve the situation. But it can't be a secret from your DH. Tell him, and if he is ok with it, meet her. You don't have to accept what she says or acquiesce to anything, but it might be a way to move forward.

Your FIL has behaved very badly - but going NC is so very drastic. I think if there is a way forward here it would be mad not to try it.

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 04/05/2018 09:08

Storm I think you have missed a few points here.

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