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Original poster

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!

975 replies

pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

Can't believe the previous thread reached a thousand posts, thanks so much for your support everyone!

I ended up reading MIL's facebook messages for me this morning. Turns up she wants to meet up at a café this weekend to smooth things over "without the boys knowing". She also said she would bring the egg pram back (?!).

Haven't replied yet. DH was pretty upset last night; not sure if he is actually considering going NC with his father. If so, it wouldn't be fair of me to meet up with his Mum in secret - but she's always been lovely to me and I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.
Ugh! Still so gutted over this whole thing.

You have all posted some very good advice so I am going to sit and read through it until I decide what we do now.

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 04/05/2018 09:27

Whats an egg pram?

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2018 09:28

Was there any form of apology or explanation in those messages?

stickygotstuck · 04/05/2018 09:29

xiaoxong Flowers

emmyrose2000 · 04/05/2018 09:29

Your DH has done the right thing by standing up for you with his actions to date. It would be an utter betrayal and complete disgrace for you to meet up with MIL, with or without his knowledge. MIL is coming across as extremely manipulative in all of this. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.

MIL is just as guilty in this fiasco as her husband. She knew and supported him in sending the glass invoice, not to mention them charging their own son to use their car. Who the hell does that?! Mean, controlling, horrible people that's who. I can't even begin to imagine charging my child a "fee" for use of my car. So long as they returned it with a full tank of petrol that's all I'd ask for. When DH does return the car on Monday, he should park it in the street, and then mail the keys back through the normal postal system.

Goawaydailymail · 04/05/2018 09:30

If this is irreparable can you hypothetically move closer to your family?

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 04/05/2018 09:30

xiao Flowers we went through the same.

The difference in our situation was the wider family and dh grandma. Pils made it clear all relations go through them, dh doesn't have explain or defend himself to wider family about the truth of his dp so we were stuck. If we didn't go to family events they would hound us with phone calls, knock on door.. And try and break us down.

NWQM · 04/05/2018 09:30

Personally I’d respond to the message by pointing out things do not need to be just smoothed out with ‘the boys’ the patronising email was sent to you. I’d let her know you would only met her with her DH knowing at this stage. You sound as if you want to rebuild the relationship and that’s very understandable. Going no contact is both a big step and could be actually hard - one poster asked if your husband for instance worked in one of your FiL’s businesses. If he does total nc is not an option. Future family events etc - what would happen. What sort of relationship is a different matter. I’d be not accepting the egg system back. I’d be telling her that actually you were offended at the time that they dismissed the lovely set you brought saying that it was not good enough but you are sticking with that. I would point out that you didn’t ask for it and that you are offend by ‘don’t ask for anything again.’ I’d basically take the opportunity to lay it all out. I’d point out that you are returning to the glass and car. I’d ‘keep my powder dry’ as the saying goes about future contact. She’ll get what’s at stake. Keep the high ground and stick to top. It’s them that has said emotive things like ‘don’t ask for help again’. Keep this about financial stuff for now until you and your DH can work out how you feel or you will end up backing down and he’ll feel he was right all along. You can simply say to your MiL - ‘sorry but no I don’t think it’s appropriate to met in that way. X and I are very much talking about this as we are so upset. We have replaced the glass. I am offended by the demand email that I received and the way it chances our relationship. I am, of course, sorry that I broke the glass. I am stunned that you were not prepared to accept my apology. I do not want the pram - thank-you. We have one.’ Like you I would want a relationship of some sort in time. Good luck with all this.

echt · 04/05/2018 09:31

Egg pram:

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!
Aprilmightbemynewname · 04/05/2018 09:31

Actually your mil can't think very much of you if she thinks giving you the pram back will pave the way for your forgiveness.
Dc do very well without gps ime. ....

pigmcpigface · 04/05/2018 09:31

I don't want to scroll through 30 pages to find highlighted posts, though - I just want to see the OP's on one page! This is possible on other forums, it can't be that hard!

MotherofTerriers · 04/05/2018 09:33

Don't undermine your DH, he has supported you and must be really hurting at the moment. I wouldn't rush either - no need to reply quickly, and no need to meet at the weekend. It still sounds controlling - MiL is picking where and when to meet, saying she will bring the pram back and you are not to tell DH.
Talk to DH and ask what he wants to do - don't tell him you are meeting her, this should be a joint decision. Maybe message back and say you would be very sad to have no relationship with them in the future but need to wait a while and talk to your DH, as this is something you will decide together

Carboholic · 04/05/2018 09:33

Tell DH, see what he thinks, discuss with him. He is the main hurt party in this and he acted like a hero to protect you; I would not now be going against him / behind his back. Whether you meet your MIL or not should be the joint decision of you and DH, and whatever you do make sure to send the message to PILS that you and DH are a team. Good luck.

Spudlet · 04/05/2018 09:33

Have been reading these threads with this face Shock

I think whatever you decide, you're right to tell your DH. And you need to make it clear to MiL / PiLs that you and your DH are a team, and won't be keeping secrets from one another. I think that's really fundamental, whatever kind of relationship you end up having with PiLs after this. They need to know that you two are in it together and can't be divided in this was. Make the point gently if you need to, but do make it.

MrsMozart · 04/05/2018 09:33

Agree with the others. Say you'll meet but you'll be telling your DH.

As for the egg... I'd ask her to leave that at home for now.

emmyrose2000 · 04/05/2018 09:33

He was never close to MIL; it always bothered him that she would never stick up for him whenever FIL was treating him poorly

They're both an utter disgrace as parents. I'd be following DH's lead in this, and if he wants to go low or no contact then it's vital he has your support. This might be the catalyst DH has needed to finally break away from these awful people.

There's no way I'd be exposing my baby/child to people like this.

blueskypink · 04/05/2018 09:34

Op - are you sure your mil doesn't use mumsnet?

Carboholic · 04/05/2018 09:34

And personally, I would NOT be taking the bloody pram back. It's certainly going to end up being thrown in your face, in a month or a year or five years.

greenlynx · 04/05/2018 09:34

Don't meet her without your DH presents, it's not fair.
There are definitely problems in this family with respect, manners, attitude towards each other and to money. Be careful.
Your FIL started this, it was very rude what he did. He owes you both apology, but even after that it's better stay independent and not take any money/expensive gifts from them. They are very very controlling, both of them.

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 04/05/2018 09:34

Op don't panic about anything to be salvaged.

Give it time and this is Joe your dh feels about his dm Sad.

She never defended him and is trying to undermine him again.

Fuck them both. Don't panic let time do it's wondeful thing. It s not for you to be panicking.. And you don't need them! Millions cope with babies all over the the world without help.

Ohmydayslove · 04/05/2018 09:36

I think the most important thing here was your words that dh isn’t close to his mum as she didn’t stick up for him when fil was being mean to him or words to that effect.

Do you want that same dynamic for your child? A controlling mean grandad maybe pulling your child’s confidence down??

I do feel sorry for your mil but if she couldn’t protect her own child from this unpleasant man then she made poor choices years back and still is.

Astella22 · 04/05/2018 09:37

What a horrible situation for absolutely everyone involved.
However your DH will reap the benefits to standing up to his father for years to come.
I do feel sorry for your MIL though, I'll bet she has spent a life time being stuck in the middle.
I would suggest your DH is open and honest about how he feels and what he expects his father to do to move past this otherwise there will always be resentment on some side.

Shampaincharly · 04/05/2018 09:38

I would tell your husband. Do not have a secret meeting.
Your writing is very good BTW.

My ILS are a bit like this.

Vangoghsear · 04/05/2018 09:39

Do not under any circumstances meet MIL in secret. Your loyalty to your DH is far too important to risk.

TinyTear · 04/05/2018 09:39

Don't do it, talk to your DH first and let him lead the way he wants to handle things... And if the Egg pram is a Stokke they can sell it easily...

Vangoghsear · 04/05/2018 09:40

If your MIL wants to solve the problem it is your FIL she needs to talk to.