To feel robbed of a delivery experience

[callmehannahbaker]

I was in labour for 2 hours, I pushed for 14 minutes. I had 20 people in ready to rush me for a c section but I pushed against their wishes.

I only have that from notes-I remember none of it.

I watch OBEM and wish I had an experience of birth.

Aibu to wish I had a birth I remembered?

TBH, I mostly remember that it fucking hurt.

I do remember meeting my baby at the end of each labour though and I think that is the important bit.

Yabu. Childbirth is horrendous!!

OBEM make it look so lovely and emotional but it's not realistic. Enjoy your beautiful baby and treasure holding your baby in your arms. Doesn't matter if you don't remember the birth

My view, rightly or wrongly, is that as long as mother and baby are fine and healthy at the end surely it doesn't matter how you get there

YABU. Be careful what you wish for.

I was in labour 72 hours and remember every agonising second. It took a long time before I could think about it without crying. I spent the whole of my second pregnancy dreading the birth. I've only met a couple of people who managed a straightforward positive birth with no pain relief etc. I'd probably take your experience over a lot of others (though if you can't remember meeting your baby that is a bit sad)

The delivery isn’t the greatest bit, that’s having your child and getting to know your child.

By the way, I remember mine, it was messy gory and frightening.

I had 20 people in the room when I delivered. But in my case i'd been in labour for 19 hours and it was because I was delivering twins 13 weeks early. They were whisked off to intensive care and I didn't see them for hours or hold them for days. They spent 61 days in hospital.

Be thankful that it was short and you can't remember the pain. And most of all that presumably you have a healthy baby to hold.

So you had it super easy but wish you had a sympathy story instead!?

Yabu I can't stand pregnancy magazines/nct/birth plans etc. They give an unrealistic impression of childbirth and just set women up for failure and disappointment. Childbirth is a bloody, painful and dangerous business that takes on a life of its own that's beyond our control.

Congratulations on your baby and well done.

My first was a truly horrific experience that I’d gladly forget, I was so exhausted and out of it by the end I don’t even remember meeting my baby!

My second and third were amazing, albeit very painful experiences and I would have hated to not remember them. I felt really empowered and strangely calm when I started pushing and they arrived I’m the least spiritual wooooey kind of person but I did feel genuinely empowered through it.

I don't know what you mean - that was your birth experience. You've just forgotten it. I know mine were about 24h- more actually I can't remember exactly - but in my memory it's just a few images/feelings.

I don't understand exactly what it is you think you want?

RBBmummy what a totally un ecessary and horrible reply! It is unlikely it was super easy and trouble free if there were lots of people waiting to take her for a c-section!

I think I understand OP. I don’t remember much after my ds was born due to the spinal anaesthetic and it does sadden me.

My friend is a midwife on OBOM current series. She says it’s really not like that.

Casmama it's literally what she is saying

It’s not unreasonable, no. Why don’t you remember it? What happened that you were being readied for a c-section?

I have memory of both of my births; a memory of pain, exhaustion and a very visceral recollection of being given my baby. It’s a memory that I never want to lose, so I can see why you would want to have your own recollection.

OP there will be lots of people coming on to tell you that you’ve been lucky. But I know how it feels to feel robbed of the ‘experience’ whatever that means. I doubt many people have the birth experience they imagine but getting through it in one piece with a healthy baby is surely the most important thing. I had a premature baby (section at 31 weeks) first time round. Baby whisked off to NICU. I felt robbed of my pregnancy and a ‘normal’ birth experience. Second time couldn’t have been more different. Short labour, at full term. We all survived and that’s the important bit. But don’t feel bad about feeling you’ve missed out, it’s a mis sold industry if you ever watch childbirth on tv/film!!

No YANBU to want to have had a birth different to the one you got. I think a lot of us can relate to that.
It sounds traumatic and maybe it plays on your mind a lot? Can also relate to that. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I challenge you to find anyone who wouldn't change part of their birth experience. I blame birth plans- you get guilt and negative feelings if they don't go as you imagined/ idealised

Why do you not remember anything?

YANBU. Of course you want to remember the birth of your child and own your own experience. I don’t buy the line that all that matters is meeting your baby. You matter too. Many women cling to their birth stories, often as a way of working through the trauma of it!! But you had your own unsatisfactory experience. You don’t need to feel sorry. My first was a horrendous c section, the second a lovely drug filled vaginal delivery. Both personal and important to me. You are allowed to feel disappointed.
Does it piss me off that my husband got more sympathy when he had his wisdom teeth removed? Yes it does. Any woman who gives birth is entitled to feel however she feels and to get some sympathy at least.

Delivery is a means to an end - you end up with your lovely baby. I had two straightforward deliveries but I don’t look back on them fondly and I don’t really remember them very well at all. The main thing is a safe delivery and healthy mum and baby. I think that your brain is conditioned to not remember every painful detail or you wouldn’t want to have another baby. Enjoy your child and congratulations.

Glad to see many people think op is not being unreasonable! Thought I’d be on my own when I started my first reply!

This is an incomplete story - why did they want to do a section? Why did you refuse? Why did you push against their wishes?

None of that makes sense to me.

FWIW I remember all of my first c-section. It was awful and I had flashbacks and anxiety for years. I’d give anything not to remember it.

My labour took so long and was so complicated my daughter caught neonatal meningitis from bugs in birth canal.

Be grateful for both of your health and stop being ridiculous