Would you let a 13 year old dye her hair?

[tccat]

Dd has very long dark hair and is asking to dye it, I've said no as she wants it lightened which would entail using a permanent
I might have considered a wash in/wash out one but she doesn't want that
My refusal has resulted in the usual "not fair, you've ruined my life" dramatics
So aibu? I remember doing it myself at slightly older than she is and having stunning cheese slice orange hair 😂
And the over use of Sun In , Worzel Gummidge looked sleek in comparison!!!

I would let her, I would take her to the hairdressers to get it done though.

I would do my very best to persuade her not to - why would you want to swop beautiful dark hair for something artificial.
Colouring your hair may well be a right of passage but to my way of thinking 13 is way to young to start the journey
Within weeks she will have roots to contend with, and what then?
As a red head friends often made comments about my hair being 'different', but I'm glad mum dug her heels in and said there would be no hair dye until I was 16. By then I'd lost the urge to colour it and have only started recently to hide the grey!

I would let her. Pick your battles and all that.

If she is lightening it I would take her to hairdresser as it will take a lot more than one session to get it to the shade she wants. The only way to lighten dark hair is bleaching. Also it can ruin hair if you do it wrong.

My question would be who's paying? Either you need an expensive salon pre lightener and dye (and regular visits) costing hundreds of pounds, or you need a home dye job, with very long dark hair you're going to need multiple boxes of both lightener and dye, and again regular re does to keep up with it.

So who's paying? Because I wouldn't be.

I wouldn't personally, and most reputable hairdressers won't dye hair on someone under 16 as they are not insured if something happens, and it also states not to be used on under 16's in manufacturers instructions too. Granted yes a parent can just go buy some hair dye from the shop, and that's your choice. Also depends on the school uniform rules, as a lot of schools won't allow hair dye or piercings as it is against their rulings. Saying that, if you have done the skin test and there's no reaction to the dye, then I would do it in the holidays, just in case she decides she doesn't like it, that way it will have washed out before she goes back to school.

It's important for children to learn that their bodies are their own. It's not for someone else to decide what happens to their bodies.

I think Will Smith got it right after being criticised for 'letting' his daughter Willow cut her hair saying "If I teach her that I'm in charge of whether or not she can touch her hair, she's going to replace me with some other man when she goes out in the world."

It's important for children to learn that their bodies are their own. It's not for someone else to decide what happens to their bodies

That doesn't mean you have to pay large amounts of money to facilitate their whims on their image. They can learn it perfectly well without giving them everything they want.

I let my daughter dye hers...at twelve. Well I actually did it for her, as she firstly wanted to go lighter as got a bit of fun poked as she's leaning towards strawberry blonde colouring, so I did subtle highlights. Then she wanted to go darker which again I did. I just chose products carefully and nothing drastic. The last time I did her ombre which is now cut off and back to her natural colour. Tbh it's just experimenting which I totally get as I did it all too in the ' 80'S but my mum wasn't as clued up to hair dye as we are nowadays. It's dead hair like another member said,and it's just an extension of expression let choosing make up or clothes. Much safer to allow and assist rather than let her attempt it herself I'd say!!

Within weeks she will have roots to contend with, and what then?

She has darker/lighter roots. And? It’s not the end of the world.

She can either choose to re dye, cut, or live with it. She will learn along the way that if she doesn’t want darker/lighter roots she either has to commit to upkeep, or not dye.

O/p i think she should embrace the goth! Some lovely dramatic eyeliner and black jeans and a tee. I did as a teen because it saved so much fashion angst- from my mum in particular who used to steer me toward “classy”- m&s and country casuals. I would have loved sleek black hair to go with :)

Just take her to a salon surely? She doesn’t have to lighten it herself

And get a balayage, so she can have lighter mids/ends blended into her natural colour at the roots - she won’t have to worry about regrowth then

If it's a subtle change there won't be any bad roots growing. Also high/ low lights disguise this too. If she's told and taught the consequences of different dyeing techniques first then she makes a mistake then that's a learning curve surely. She's probably going to dye her hair at some position her life and it's not as if she's 5 years old is it?

I let mine do hers at home at that age. She dealt with the roots as it grew back, now has beautiful and healthy hair, can't see that any permanent harm has been done.

As a parent I think you have a perfectly good right to refuse your child something if:

it is demonstrably harmful (no, 14yo ds, I am not giving you a bottle of vodka to take to your friend's birthday party)

if it is expensive

if it is something you don't want to spend money on because you strongly disagree with it

if it is going to get her into any trouble that you will then have to sort out (and that includes exclusion from school)

but to me, none of the above would apply in this case

I used to use felt tip my dad got me spray in hair dye that washed out so I could wear it on non school days and discos

She can either choose to re dye, cut, or live with it

She can't choose, as she doesn't have enough money to dye it in the first place, let alone redye it again and again!