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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let a 13 year old dye her hair?

143 replies

tccat · 02/05/2018 10:25

Dd has very long dark hair and is asking to dye it, I've said no as she wants it lightened which would entail using a permanent
I might have considered a wash in/wash out one but she doesn't want that
My refusal has resulted in the usual "not fair, you've ruined my life" dramatics
So aibu? I remember doing it myself at slightly older than she is and having stunning cheese slice orange hair 😂
And the over use of Sun In , Worzel Gummidge looked sleek in comparison!!!

OP posts:
elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 13:24

these

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 02/05/2018 13:26

I'm really surprised by this thread. My twelve year old recently wanted her hair dyeing and I took her to the salon to discuss it. All the colourists said that they do not dye the hair of anyone under 16 and would strongly advise against any sort of home treatment. Apparently the skin on the scalp is much more porous in young people and so, even without an allergic reaction, the chances of absorbing unhealthy levels of chemicals is greatly increased. We live abroad though so maybe the practice is different here than in the UK.

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 13:29

No, Macavity it is the same here. Some salons will consider slightly under that age (or the girls/boys lie) but anyway technically I don't believe they are insured to dye children's hair.

Frequency · 02/05/2018 13:36

Apparently the skin on the scalp is much more porous in young people and so, even without an allergic reaction, the chances of absorbing unhealthy levels of chemicals is greatly increased

That's bollocks. I'm also a hairdresser and the reason most, if not all, salons do not colour the hair of under 16's is due to EU guidelines all colours requiring peroxide to work must state on the packaging or in the instructions that it is not suitable for use on under sixteens. This means, if a salon do the hair of an under sixteen year old, they are going against manufacturer's instructions and won't be covered by their insurance if anything goes wrong.

I'm not sure the stance as per lightening powders. The legislation is around two specific ingredients that I don't think are in lighteners.

OP might be able to find a salon willing to highlight or lighten the hair and then tone with a non-oxidative toner.

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 02/05/2018 13:45

Thanks Elderflower. Was just a bit flummoxed by all the 'get it done professionally' advice.

Mischa123 · 02/05/2018 13:45

But you have these fun stories to tell about your funny hairstyles and hair faux pas. Would you have preferred your mum to not let you have autonomy over your own hair? It's hair it will grow back!

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 13:48

macacitythedentistscat I think the dc will have to be liberal with the truth about their age I guess, or maybe the odd highlight is acceptable at most salons. I am sure we will get the answer soon.

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 13:49

Mischa123 Not really fun if your dd wants to dye her hair because the girls/boys are being horrible to her at school Hmm

Claire90ftm · 02/05/2018 13:56

Apparently I'm the odd one out here. No I wouldn't let my 13 year old dye their hair. 16, yes. But in my opinion 13 is too young.

bonbonours · 02/05/2018 14:04

Within reason I agree it is her hair and messing about with it as a teenager is one of those things that happens.

However, I would resist anything more than a temporary colour as long as I could. My daughter is 11 and already asking to colour hers. My reason for saying no is two fold. One, she has sensitive skin and I'm not keen on putting chemicals on it. Presumably the guidelines that permanent colours shouldn't be used under 16 are there for a reason.
Two, I would not be willing to pay out for regular visits to the hairdresser for colour. I already begrudge that with her short cut I have to pay for a cut every six weeks (mine is long and I never cut it). If she wants to get into that sort of habit she needs to be able to fund it herself.

Eleanorsummer · 02/05/2018 14:27

I would let her but get it done at a hairdressers.

Stephisaur · 02/05/2018 14:29

I wasn't allowed a full colour at that age, but I was allowed (for some reason) to dip dye my hair. Brown to yellow 'blonde'. It was awful!

I've dyed my full head fairly regularly since I was about 18. Nothing dramatic, just a different shade of brown.

YoThePussy · 02/05/2018 14:33

I was dying my hair from the age of 12, didn’t ask my Mum just got on with it. Think ginger Ziggy Stardust hair and feather cut. I was aiming more for the Bay City Rollers look but now always tell people I wanted to look like David Bowie.

AhhhhThatsBass · 02/05/2018 14:37

At 13? Absolutely no chance in hell.
That is far too young. 16 perhaps.

Original poster
tccat · 02/05/2018 15:04

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond, fab as always, I'll speak to her when she comes home from school

OP posts:
DragonMummy1418 · 02/05/2018 15:49

As long as she's not wanting extreme colours then yes I would let her, I'd do it for her though or let her go to a hairdressers.
I wouldn't just let her actually do the dyeing of her own hair.

Abetes · 02/05/2018 15:52

No way at 13. Far too young.

vampirethriller · 02/05/2018 16:26

Been doing my own hair colour since I was 12. I used to do my mum's from when I was about 14!

Holidayz · 02/05/2018 19:54

My 13 year old has had dyed hair for over a year now. She's mousey brown naturally but dyes it blue/black (more black with a flash of blue in the right lighting)

I'm happy to let her change her colour, and even her style. A few months ago she decided she wanted an undercut so we allowed her to do that too after explaining it'll take ages to grow it out if she doesn't like it. However it actually suits her as she has a crazy amount of thick hair so it's taken a lot of the bulk out of it.

My rule really is as long as it doesn't break school rules I'm happy to let her experiment. It's only hair at the end of the day and she is aware that to get it back to how it was would require a short cut and dealing with regrowth.

givemesteel · 03/05/2018 07:08

I wouldn't either, I expect the school must have rules against it and it's useful to know that salons aren't insured to do anyone under 16.

I disagree with the idea of getting it done professionally as it's a very expensive habit to get into. The beauty industry has expanded so much and girls these days think that it is normal to spend their money on brow bars, nail bars, hair cuts and highlights etc. Haircuts when I was 13 were either just your mum trimming it or using a mobile hairdresser that would do the whole family.

I'd agree to a wash in / out colour over the summer holidays but no more at that age.

loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 03/05/2018 07:36

Let her but take her to the local college to get it done

MaisyPops · 03/05/2018 07:40

I think 13 is too young and the motives for it are wrong in this situation.
If she was 15/16 and personally wanted to experiment with natural colours then I'd say yes.

Heighwayqueen · 03/05/2018 07:42

Yes I let my 12yr old do hers, it’s only hair. Besides mine is blue at the moments so don't really have a leg to stand on 😁😁

LagunaBubbles · 03/05/2018 07:46

That is far too young. 16 perhaps

Perhaps? I can't believe people would try and control what their 16 year old daughter would do with their hair. I'm in Scotland and you can get married at 16 without your parents permission, I can just see this scenario where someone can get married but their Mum has forbidden them to dye their hair! Grin

PasstheStarmix · 03/05/2018 09:17

I think when parents are strict over minor things their kids are the ones that will rebel the most.

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