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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let a 13 year old dye her hair?

143 replies

tccat · 02/05/2018 10:25

Dd has very long dark hair and is asking to dye it, I've said no as she wants it lightened which would entail using a permanent
I might have considered a wash in/wash out one but she doesn't want that
My refusal has resulted in the usual "not fair, you've ruined my life" dramatics
So aibu? I remember doing it myself at slightly older than she is and having stunning cheese slice orange hair 😂
And the over use of Sun In , Worzel Gummidge looked sleek in comparison!!!

OP posts:
MrsCrabbyTree · 02/05/2018 12:32

It's a right of passage isn't, dyeing your hair at that age.

We did it way back in sixties too. Oh, they were the days. Smile

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 02/05/2018 12:33

I would let her. She's old enough to decide for herself and if it's hideous at least it can be dyed back Grin

TSSDNCOP · 02/05/2018 12:35

Yes, but I'd pay a hairdresser to do it.

We did our fringes with Domestos in the school holidays in 83 to get a Duran blonde wedge fringe.

This is not to be recommended.

lardymclardy · 02/05/2018 12:37

late 80's top perm, plus henna, and the school photo displayed to constantly remind me that I was a dickhead.

But hey, I was a 13 year old dickhead and it was my choice and for some reason I thought I rocked at the time Grin

Let your daughter go for it.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 02/05/2018 12:44

the streaks that made me look like the love child of a wasp and George Michael

Please, OP. Pictures of this. Go on.

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 12:46

There is no going back if she wants to keep the new colour. So she will have to keep up a monthly/six week maintenance of the colour.This is a pain in the butt for me, and I don't think I would want my 13 year old having to be bogged down with hair colouring at this age. Surely she should be out doing sports, doing homework etc. I would much rather my dd continued to be focused on her studies than on her hair tbh.

So I stand by my comment in some cases there is literally no going back to just being yourself and not bothering with hair colour/styles, especially as you have said she is reluctant to cut off her hair and it will have to grow out or keep colouring it.

Some posts clearly think this is experimental others see it as the life long burden of hair colouring, I am in the latter camp.

My dd is the same age and couldn't care less about her hair.

TheOriginalEmu · 02/05/2018 12:46

yes. its only hair. its literally dead stuff that grows from your scalp, worst that can happen is she hates it.

Frequency · 02/05/2018 12:48

If you do it, get it done professionally. Lightening black hair is a science. There is so, so much which could go wrong.

MrsJayy · 02/05/2018 12:49

I have 2 adult Dds who have had different coloured hair from early teens it really is just hair it is a bit of fun and it grows out/can be cut I would let her home dye it imo it is not a huge deal.

aaarrrggghhhh · 02/05/2018 12:51

You should totally get it. You made mistakes and learnt from it - she has to do the same thing!! Its her hair not your hair. You might think its beautiful - not yours. She wants to try something new.

aaarrrggghhhh · 02/05/2018 12:51

She should totally get it.

Coffee needed now.

MrsJayy · 02/05/2018 12:51

*We did our fringes with Domestos in the school holidays in 83 to get a Duran blonde wedge fringe.

This is not to be recommended.*

May have done that and myhair might have turned green Blush

Scribblegirl · 02/05/2018 12:53

I can say with 100% confidence that the trauma from parents controlling you for no apparent reason far outweighs a dodgy dye job.

I started on the Lush henna at 13 and cycled through ginger, red-brown, post box red, black, blue, grey-ish (blue fades awfully..), blonde, ginger again and round a few more times. I'm now 29 with a professional job and a lovely chestnut auburn which is essentially my natural colour, just a bit more glossy and lovely.

I was also cutting my own hair (including fringes) at that point. Bearing in mind I spent nearly £90 on a cut last month I might consider going back to that...

alleypalley · 02/05/2018 12:56

My 13 year old has dyed her hair several times. We had a bit of a disaster when she tried to dip dye the ends blue but she lived with it until she eventually cut it off and started again.

kaytee87 · 02/05/2018 12:59

I'd explain to her that she will need it trimmed regularly if she's having it coloured as it will get dry.
If she's willing to agree to that then I'd take her to a good salon and have some subtle honey blonde baylayage done. This won't create roots or a horrible streaky affect on her dark hair. She could have more added the next time if you both wanted.

MrsJayy · 02/05/2018 12:59

Dd blue dip dyed her hair the fade is a horrible green but meh she got it cut out

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 13:00

As a teen I think I would be looking for a more informed and balanced conversation, not just its not for me not to be controlling therefore do as you like.

Given the hair is black, it will need to be professionally dyed, as it will not work a simple bleach and her hair will either break off or come out the completely wrong colour. This might be irrelevant to you, but maybe to the dd this is going to cause some stress, so why not mention it?

Given that she will need a hairdresser, this is going to cost a lot of money. Is she/or op prepared for those costs regularly and does she have the time to keep going?

I don't think it as simple, as it is her hair just let her. Like anything else that is new, it would be helpful for her to make a decision based on the facts. It is not controlling it is informative.

As a teen I didn't want straw like broken disgusting hair, and would have refused to go anywhere including school if that had happened to me.
Just saying..

TheDrinksAreOnMe · 02/05/2018 13:02

Yes - but only on the understanding that she knew the risks of overprocessing hair. Once you get the taste of it at that age...you know the score, fixing colour mishaps....

TheDrinksAreOnMe · 02/05/2018 13:03

Sorry I just saw her hair is black - in that case I would NOT allow my child to dare try and colour her hair without the help of a professional

nicknamehelp · 02/05/2018 13:03

My dm never let me have my ears pierced - 1st thing I did when I was old enough to go into town by myself was get my ears pierced. Yes she might regret dying it but best done with your help than she sneaks off and does it.

MarklahMarklah · 02/05/2018 13:06

I would, but then I dye my hair, so I'd feel it was hypocritial.

However, I'd make sure I took her to a reputable hairdresser, and would ensure that they were clear on the shade (and that they would advise on whether what she thinks will work is actually suitable). I'd also make sure that they did a patch test.
Rather all that than a DIY job at home and end up with orange straw for hair.

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 13:07

BTW if the only reason she wants to dye it all is because her 'friends' or people are calling her goth, maybe rather than dyeing her hair (which she should feel lucky to have such a natural amazing colour) maybe you should be dealing with the core problem? The core problem being that it sounds like she is being bullied.

If so, they will just rip apart her new colour op.

Original poster
tccat · 02/05/2018 13:16

Elderflower yes I am more worried about that, I have talked to her and she says it not bullying just teasing, if it was just because she wanted a change I might consider it

OP posts:
Vthirtyone · 02/05/2018 13:20

I am a hairdresser and my liability insurance won't allow me to colour anyone under 16's hair.

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 13:23

Teasing is bullying or it certainly can be. It sounds to me like she is downplaying what is happening (as my dc have all done in the past) and My only concern is if she has jet black waist length hair it is likely that the comments are stemming from jealousy.

So although this posts are talking about the fun of colouring hair, and yes it is fun, for your dd this is about erasing her identity because of teasing/bullying rather than a wish to be individual or because she genuinely wants to change it.

Her motives for dyeing her hair are the most worrying thing (not the dyeing) I have explained that badly....I am worried the 'teasing' will get worse with the hair colour change not better...

These would be the wrong reasons for me op.