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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you let a 13 year old dye her hair?

143 replies

tccat · 02/05/2018 10:25

Dd has very long dark hair and is asking to dye it, I've said no as she wants it lightened which would entail using a permanent
I might have considered a wash in/wash out one but she doesn't want that
My refusal has resulted in the usual "not fair, you've ruined my life" dramatics
So aibu? I remember doing it myself at slightly older than she is and having stunning cheese slice orange hair 😂
And the over use of Sun In , Worzel Gummidge looked sleek in comparison!!!

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 02/05/2018 11:36

Her hair is beautiful and I don't want it wrecked

Its not your hair. If it gets wrecked its an important lesson to learn for her. Far too many children grow up without a clue how to look after themselves because of things like this. They need to learn to make their own mistakes.

Original poster

tccat · 02/05/2018 11:38

I thought I'd get flamed for even considering it! 😁 I'll talk to her again when she comes home from school, I was more concerned about her motives to be honest
I did laugh at the mental distress, there was times I thought I'd be taking my hair home in a carrier bag with my friend and I experimenting, but we did the usual brown semi permanent over the disaster which usually sorted it

OP posts:

TorviBrightspear · 02/05/2018 11:39

I'd have been a hypocrite if I'd refused DD at that age. But she wasn't bothered then. She's now looking into going silver from mid brown via a hairdresser.

I went all sorts of colours from around that age, and mum went blonde at 13. We never had any problems.

liz70 · 02/05/2018 11:40

Now I think about, I don't think either DD1 or DD2 have ever visited a hairdresser in years. They've either done their hair themselves, or got each other or a friend to help out. Hence the succession of, ahem, "interesting" styles and colours.

Original poster

tccat · 02/05/2018 11:41

She's got long hair down to her bum and refuses point blank to get it cut , if it's a disaster and she needs it cut I think that would upset her more than any colour

OP posts:

SooChef · 02/05/2018 11:42

I wouldn't let my DD dye her hair at 13. Or 14 or 15.

gabsdot · 02/05/2018 11:43

I think that 'hair' is not worth fighting over. It grows so it's not permanent.
My DS was begging to get his hair bleached so I said he could if he paid for it himself so he saved up and got it done. It was really nice. A few months later he got his hair cut and back to his natural colour.

user1487194234 · 02/05/2018 11:44

I don’t think this is a thing you should allow or not allow
It’s her hair

Wildlingofthewest · 02/05/2018 11:45

If her hair is very dark or black then it will need to be bleached to achieve a lighter colour. She will have to have it done professionally- a home job will inevitably end up looking a state!!
Does she have the money to pay to have it done and pay for the upkeep?

At 13 she’s going to do it one way or another. Better to help her do it properly than have her attempt it with a home kit and end up with bright orange hair!

liz70 · 02/05/2018 11:46

"Her hair is beautiful and I don't want it wrecked"

At 12 my DD2 had a glorious mane of thick, wavy, naturally blonde hair down to her waist. Like, hair that many women would kill for. By the time it was hacked, dyed, shaved, whatnot, I could have wept at the mess she'd made of it. But yes, it's her hair and her choice to make a mess of it. Not mine. So I just let her get on with it.

PinkHeart5914 · 02/05/2018 11:46

At 13 I would allow it. She isn’t asking for anything crazy anyway.

Threeminis · 02/05/2018 11:48

I agree with gamerchick it's her hair, it will grow back.
Pick your battles, at 13 she's is old enough to decide on something like hair

RoadToRivendell · 02/05/2018 11:54

I'd be inclined to say no. Mind you, I don't have a daughter so maybe I'd feel differently if I did.

Just strikes me as a bit unwholesome.

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 11:54

I am not keen until she is a tiny bit older as dd has beautiful hair and in such good condition (and there is no going back once they start) I am hoping me dd doesn't ask me for a little while longer.

If I am honest it would be frowned upon here (not that it should count for anything in terms of yours and dd's decision) One girl at school and 3 or 4 boys have dyed their hair and it was talked about in not a nice way by some bored nothing better to do parents. They were saying she/he is too young etc. My only point in telling you this is to be aware, some people will have something to say (least of all the parents of her friends will then be nagged to death to do the same) :)

Isetan · 02/05/2018 11:56

It’s her hair and if she wrecks it she will have to live with it. Making mistakes (if it becomes one) is how we learn.

liz70 · 02/05/2018 11:58

"a bit unwholesome"

The 1810s is beckoning you back, dear.

LagunaBubbles · 02/05/2018 12:00

Just strikes me as a bit unwholesome

What to dye your hair?

GorgeousJaws · 02/05/2018 12:02

Unwholesome

Dear God, it isn't being dyed in the hope of being employed as a prostitute, calm down Mary Whitehouse.

liz70 · 02/05/2018 12:05

We're not talking a Jean Harlow job here.

JaneyEJones · 02/05/2018 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reallyanotherone · 02/05/2018 12:11

I am not keen until she is a tiny bit older as dd has beautiful hair and in such good condition (and there is no going back once they start)

What do you mean no going back? They cut all the dye out, and regrow.

If she is against cutting her hair o/p, make sure she knows that by dying it she risks having to cut it. Then let her make a choice with that information...

MereDintofPandiculation · 02/05/2018 12:13

And that's still missing the point, the over-reaction to someone wanting to protect their daughter from this as trying to "control their anatomy" Laughable how wide of the mark that comment is. But always more fun to attack the poster than to address the argument.

Bluelady · 02/05/2018 12:19

Of course there's going back! My hair has at various times been every colour you can think of, including blue. It hasn't seen dye for more than 20 years now. If you don't give teenagers autonomy they just take it. That's what growing up is about. Pick your battles, you're more likely to win the big ones if you've been laid back about the little ones.

gamerchick · 02/05/2018 12:23

Their hair, their choice on what to do with it. They get so little control in life, give them that. It is a rite of passage to fuck on with hair when young. We did it, it wasn’t that traumatising for the most part. Kids aren’t the delicate little flowers people think they are if they give a chance.

Imo it’s as weird as putting holes through your babies ears. People just see their kids as an extension of themselves.

MereDintofPandiculation · 02/05/2018 12:28

And that's still missing the point, the over-reaction to someone wanting to protect their daughter from this as trying to "control their anatomy" Laughable how wide of the mark that comment is. But always more fun to attack the poster than to address the argument.
Got the wrong quote there - I was responding to "you're one of those mothers who won't let their daughters cut their hair".

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