Would you let a 13 year old dye her hair?

[tccat]

Dd has very long dark hair and is asking to dye it, I've said no as she wants it lightened which would entail using a permanent
I might have considered a wash in/wash out one but she doesn't want that
My refusal has resulted in the usual "not fair, you've ruined my life" dramatics
So aibu? I remember doing it myself at slightly older than she is and having stunning cheese slice orange hair 😂
And the over use of Sun In , Worzel Gummidge looked sleek in comparison!!!

Of course I would but properly in a salon with a preagreed colour and style. Something like tiger highlights would lighten without being wrong for school.

Balayage - thank you! Still looks like bloody highlights to me!

Colouring dead hair has no effect on health. Making a mess of it can cause mental distress, there's possibilities of allergies. But yes, it's at the trivial end. I was more taken aback by the idea that someone felt their child was too young to be making less easily reversed changes to their appearance was hem wanting to take "control of their anatomy"

Id let her! Your hair at that age is pretty healthy so it wont have a bad effect on the condition of it.
I was not allowed to dye my hair when young and it was the drama of my life haha! That is the age you want to dye your hair and actually the age where its going to have the least effect on the condition of your hair.
Much harder to lighten hair and still have it look good as an adult... unless you pay top dollar

I did my twelve year olds recently with a balayage home kit, it's lovely, let her go for it

They're children. It's the parents' job to keep them well and healthy. Controlling their anatomy seems a strange way to think of it

It’s HAIR!!! It’s THEIR hair. If it fucks up it can be sorted out and the best thing about hair is it grows back.

Honestly it’s a weird thing to control in your kids. Like these mother’s who insist their daughter should have long hair when they want it cut. Really strange shit.

I bleached my dark hair at 14 I think (or maybe 13). I'll be honest, it went straw coloured and looked fucking awful. It took me probably about 2 years of colours and cuts to get rid of it all. Best thing I've ever done though because I never ever wanted to lighten my hair ever again after that!

If she is serious and you can afford it, get it done at the hairdresser so there's less chance of a spectacular fuck up. They might also be able to sway her with something a bit more subtle.

I have let my almost 13 year old have her hair Ombre recently. It looks ok and she loves that it has been lightened, it has really boosted her confidence. I did think she's a bit young but some of her friends have had the same.

I'm with gamer on this one - if she wanted a tattoo or something that'd be in Parental Veto territory, but mucking about with your hair at that age is a rite of passage! I was always fannying around with boxed dyes at that age, as were my friends. I'm sure we had hair disasters and it looked awful, but it never mattered.

“My mum took me for my first bleach ‘flashes’ when I was thirteen and I’ve never looked back.”

That’s the potential issue here......get your hair highlighted once and chances are you will keep on highlighting it forever (or until decide to change your look!), which proves very costly! Maybe not the best thing to encourage @ 13!

Can you tell I’ve had mine done since I was 15

But it is her hair and if she wants to do it I don’t think you can really stop her.

" Making a mess of it can cause mental distress"

That's a whole generation of fucked up forty somethings, then, going by most 80s hairstyles.

I used to be quite old fashioned about this, I think because my parents didn't let me do anything alternative to my hair - I remember at 15, trying to dye my naturally dark hair bright red at a friend's house, and only managing to tint the tip of one earlobe, but still being terrified of getting in trouble.

However now I think what the hell, as others have said - hair grows back, and so long as there aren't any prohibitive school rules, it's probably the best time to experiment.

My hairdresser won't colour hair for anyone under 16, as advised by the dye manufacturers, even with parental consent.
If you do, make sure to do patch tests before.

I would but explain to her the damage extensive colouring can do to hair in the long run. Especially if it involves bleaching. Also make sure the hairdresser swatches her for allergies a week before the colouring appointment.

Maybe start with a Ombre, light at the ends fading up to darker. That way she won't have to deal with touching up outgrown hair. I used to dye the inside of my hair (all the hair growing from behind the ears and lower) darker because it make my natural colour pop more. I would only have to do it once a year or so and never got that ugly in-between natural and dyed hair fase.

I would say no as it is a permanent colour. Also 13 is very young to be dying hair isn’t it ? I am quite strict about stuff that like though with my dd, also 13, but I suppose if she asked I might agree to a wash out colour as long as it was in the holidays. You can never get back that lovely natural colour once it has been dyed, it has to grow out, which takes years.

Check with the school first.

I let 13yo dd dye her hair. She went for a blonde dip dye a few shades
lighter than her hair, and it looked fab. Also, no issues with it growing out!

Also, get it done by a professional.

Yes I would let her get some highlights, I used to at that age.

That's a whole generation of fucked up forty somethings, then, going by most 80s hairstyles. I didn't say they were fucked up. I said they could be mentally distressed if it went wrong. It can be put right, but not as quickly as overdoing your make up or wearing a dress that really doesn't suit you.

And that's still missing the point, the over-reaction to someone wanting to protect their daughter from this as trying to "control their anatomy"

‘My hairdresser won't colour hair for anyone under 16, as advised by the dye manufacturers, even with parental consent.
If you do, make sure to do patch tests before.’

All good hairdressers will do a patch test before or certainly should be doing one!

Why would it be a problem? It's not like a tattoo, it will grow out!

My 13 year old has had everything from very short, blue, rainbow (hair chalks!) you name it.

As long as it's within the school remit it is her hair and she can do what she wants with it.

I find it really odd this thing about hair. My mum was the same, I wasn't allowed to so anything she didn't permit until I left home. I find it weird that even hairdressers are reluctant to cut a female childs hair short- when dd wanted a short style it was a real effort to persuade them.

I dyed mine from the age of 12, initially using temporary colours but progressing and experimenting as I went along. I'm still really pleased to have been allowed this experience. To me, it feels like a valuable rite of passage.

Unfortunately, when I was 15, a family member gave me a perm colour which didn't suit me. It looked dreadful and I didn't have the resources to improve it. It really affected my confidence which I can still remember.

Because of my experience, I would really like you to support your daughter in her decision and help her if she needs help with it.

And that's still missing the point, the over-reaction to someone wanting to protect their daughter from this as trying to "control their anatomy"

You’re one of those parents who won’t let their daughters cut their hair aren’t you?

Making a mess of it can cause mental distress

Not letting a child have control over their own appearance can also cause mental distress. I used to cry every time I was forced to go to the hairdressers and have it cut how my mum wanted it.

To the point I now haven't been to a hairdresser in over 10 years :). The feeling of walking out hating your hair will never leave me. My kids, on the other hand, love going, love trying different things, and even if they aren't keen on an experiment, they know a few weeks later it will have grown.

I spent most of my teen years (starting at 13) mucking about with my hair. Usually aided and abetted by my Mum. As long as you're within school rules I'd say go for it.