Hubby been away done something he said he wouldn't , Aibu

[Janetizzy30]

So my husband is an actor (small non paid films, nothing too big usually between 10 mins and half hour) and he already extended his stay twice. I'm chronically I'll, and at home with the 4 boys up north and he's in London. That's not so much the issue.

My issue is, he always said. ”No matter what he won't do sex scenes, I'm not up for that.” we have had this discussion so many times and always came down to the same conclusion. Any way we haven't had much communication at all, think I've spoken to him properly twice in 10 days and he rings me today, and tells me he did a sex scene. I blew up because instead of ringing me and discussing it quickly he just did it. I would have been fine if he had said....look love, this requires a sex scene, we aren't fully naked, but it will look that way. Is that OK?,...... But he didn't even bother to think of me and got annoyed when I got upset. It was the fact I was an after thought. This was 2 days ago he did this, and it took him til today to tell me....Aibu for being pissed off?

Yes you are. Unless he is an actor in a porno.

It’s acting, he’s an actor, it’s not real, I think YABU

YANBU I would be furious if I were you and if it was my DP I would definitely have a good think about whether I could continue the relationship.

You'd talked about it before and he said it would always be no but not only has he gone back on it, he didn't talk to you about it and it took him ages to tell you.

YANBU. When’s he coming back?! He’s a massive twat for going off on a jolly for 10 days while you’re ill and juggling four children. How selfish!

And doing something he’s promised not to, that was discussed many times in the past, is unacceptable. He must have known you’d be angry and upset so I’m surprised he told you. It’s very disrespectful of your marriage and your very understandable feelings.

I’d consider it cheating.

Its work is it not? And he didn't actually sleep well them

I’m not sure how i’d feel about this tbh. What exactly is your objection to h doing a sex scene? What are his reasons for saying he wouldn’t do one?

I can’t imagine there is anything even remotely sexy about being watched by a load of people as you dry hump a near stranger. As such I don’t think I’d be jealous.

It’s not cheating ffs. He’s an actor.

You know he's an actor, it's not like he did porn, and he doesn't need your permission. He should've told you straight away but was probably arrays of your reaction. It's a part of the job. DH worked in the film industry for ten years before a big career change, behind the scenes (other than one memorable appearance as a tramp when the extra cast didn't show up), he would tell me how grim sex scenes can be to shoot, there's nothing in it and definitely nothing to worry about.

Yabu.

Nothing at all sexy about doing a 'sex scene' in front of a dozen or so crew members and the tea-lady wheeling her trolley on set! It's a job, not an affair for heaven's sake 🙄

YABU. It’s part of the role. He’s an actor.

It’s like telling a doctor DH he’s not allowed to touch naked women.

Kind of silly.

Lord above

He's not getting paid? That would be my bigger concern. Why is he spending all this time away from his family and leaving you to look after four kids while being ill for nothing? He sounds selfish

“On a jolly”? He’s at WORK.

I'm going to go against the grain (and I work with actors) and say that actually, it's not ok. It was a line, and he crossed it, because the line had been set. If they had not discussed it and he did it and then it made OP uncomfortable then it would be a discussion to be had now, but they did, and he went ahead and did it anyway.

And the thing that compounds this is that from the OP it appears to be expenses only/no pay and one of the things the unions are trying to crack down on is a)low paid work but particularly b) low paid work where actors are expected to provide full or partial nudity for no money. It's not cool. It helps further this race to the bottom that says 'if you wanted the work you'd get naked for free' and just because he's a guy doesn't make it ok.

small non paid films

it's not work, it's a hobby. you get paid to work.

on a jolly
continue the relationship

This is his job! Normally i’d agree and say he went back on his word, but it should never have been said in the first place.
He’s an actor This is his job.
He shouldn't have had to think about asking you.

So OP and her husband have an agreement on something, he breaks it and now she is unreasonable?

Where do these people come from?

He broke the agreement they had! It doesn't matter if you think the agreement is unreasonable, they had it and he broke it!

It's not a job if he's not paid, it's volunteering!

Does he bring in any money? It sounds like a hobby that gets him away from the house and kids.

Why is he away for 10+ days and not getting paid?

Why isn't he in paid employment?

Does he have an actual job?

YANBU, the fact that it's his job is neither here or there, you'd already discussed this situation and he then broke the agreement.

I am aware of both male and female actors who have turned up for gigs, been given completely different briefs in terms of how much nudity is required, and felt pressured to agree. He might not have realised the job required a sex scene until getting on set... and then felt unable to justify backing out with everyone else ready to get filming. It does happen. Yes, to men as well as to women.

It's not work if he's not getting paid.

He set the line then crossed it. I'd say usually yabu as that's his job.

BUT he brought us he wouldn't do it and HES NOT BEING PAID and away for 10 days?!

So he's at a loss with travel and lodgings??

Also what does the 10 mins to half hour bit mean ?