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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby been away done something he said he wouldn't , Aibu

244 replies

Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 20:20

So my husband is an actor (small non paid films, nothing too big usually between 10 mins and half hour) and he already extended his stay twice. I'm chronically I'll, and at home with the 4 boys up north and he's in London. That's not so much the issue.

My issue is, he always said. ”No matter what he won't do sex scenes, I'm not up for that.” we have had this discussion so many times and always came down to the same conclusion. Any way we haven't had much communication at all, think I've spoken to him properly twice in 10 days and he rings me today, and tells me he did a sex scene. I blew up because instead of ringing me and discussing it quickly he just did it. I would have been fine if he had said....look love, this requires a sex scene, we aren't fully naked, but it will look that way. Is that OK?,...... But he didn't even bother to think of me and got annoyed when I got upset. It was the fact I was an after thought. This was 2 days ago he did this, and it took him til today to tell me....Aibu for being pissed off?

OP posts:
SoyDora · 30/04/2018 20:46

If he’s not being paid, it’s not a job. It’s a hobby, or volunteering.
I would be pissed off that he did something he swore he’d never do.
Do you get equal time to pursue your hobbies, by the way?

Namethecat · 30/04/2018 20:46

In a group I attend one ladies husband is a gynaecologist, should she be worried ?

Madonnasmum · 30/04/2018 20:47

It's not his job! It's unpaid.
Great hobby for a father of 4. Has he taken annual leave for this?
Are you sure it's not porn?

Gemini69 · 30/04/2018 20:47

and he's NOT being Paid... WTAF Hmm

Fairenuff · 30/04/2018 20:48

He broke your agreement.

He doesn't get paid for it so it's not work, it's a hobby.

He left you alone with 4 children.

He sounds selfish and I would be giving this relationship a really big think.

Willow2017 · 30/04/2018 20:49

Its not a job if he isnt getting paid ffs! He is off leaving op, who is ill, looking after 4 kids while he plays at acting for 10 bloody days!

He agreed not to do sex scenes but did one then didnt have to guts to tell her for 2 days.

He is away for 10 days and spoken to op twice!

Selfish doesn't come close.

bertielab · 30/04/2018 20:49

This is a hobby -not paid.

He is paying to do it.

On that basis, he's had 10 days doing his hobby whilst you've looked after his kids, being ill -I'd be saying, take the kids with you next time.

GrannyGrissle · 30/04/2018 20:50

Hahahaha! Bloody hell. Why not 'tell him' to get a different job OP?

ScreamingValenta · 30/04/2018 20:51

If I read your OP correctly, your husband isn't being paid for this, so it's essentially a hobby. I understand that he might see it as a route into paid work or whatever, but if you are chronically ill and have four children to look after, he needs to be at home to share the parenting when not doing a paid job, and to put his theatrical aspirations on hold.

The sex scene isn't really the issue, it's the fact that he's swanning off to do am dram in London while you're looking after four children.

Slartybartfast · 30/04/2018 20:51

You will have to judge when you see the scene

Willow2017 · 30/04/2018 20:51

In a group I attend one ladies husband is a gynaecologist, should she be worried?

I bet he is being paid handsomely for his job not doing it for free.
Probably works longer than half hour a day too.

FrancisCrawford · 30/04/2018 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueTrousers · 30/04/2018 20:52

Non paid?!
Say what now?!

Are you usually ok with him swanning off for 10 days at a time for no apparent reason leaving you with 4 kids

imweirdandcool · 30/04/2018 20:53

it would hurt me not going to lie

Fairenuff · 30/04/2018 20:54

Where does he stay when he's filming? Does he get his expenses paid?

FrancisCrawford · 30/04/2018 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teeniemiff · 30/04/2018 20:55

Yanbu.
You agreed where the line was & there was no discussion about whether this was crossed.
As for being his job, it really doesn’t sound like it is. So as a hobby he is doing sex scenes?

Mousefunky · 30/04/2018 20:56

There’s going to be zero chemistry between a woman with her legs in stirrups and a gyno and his speculum, I wouldn’t worry about that. But actors can and do fall for each other often, the sex scenes can feel very intimate and no, I wouldn’t be happy about that and I’m sure many wouldn’t. I think it’s also the fact you’d agreed he wouldn’t do it yet he did. Also, it’s not a job it’s a hobby.

PoorYorick · 30/04/2018 20:57

Equity hates this sort of thing.

It's not work if you're not being paid.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 30/04/2018 20:58

Presumably the gynaecologist's wife and he don't have a pact that he doesn't do gynaecology. It's not about the genitals, it's about the pact.

TemptressofWaikiki · 30/04/2018 20:59

Simulating sex for an unpaid hobby would not be ok for me!

TheOneWith · 30/04/2018 21:00

It’s a non-paid hobby.

He is simulating sex as a hobby.

On a 10 day jolly while you’re chronically ill and looking after 4 children.

Wow - he’s really done a number on you hasn’t he?Shock

DillyDillyDally · 30/04/2018 21:01

Presumably the gynaecologist's wife and he don't have a pact that he doesn't do gynaecology. It's not about the genitals, it's about the pact.

And presumably he is highly qualified and well paid. If he was doing gynaecological exams for free as a hobby the there most certainly would be a problem!

JessicaJonesJacket · 30/04/2018 21:02

When you discussed it previously and came to the conclusion he wouldn't do them did you also agree that decision would never change? The only comparison I can think of is sometimes my work can be dangerous. I may discuss that with DH and reach one conclusion. However, when I'm actually at work, circumstances may change and I may reach a different conclusion. I wouldn't feel the need to call DH to discuss it first.
However, your DH has fucked off for 10 days for no pay leaving you at home ill with 4 DCs. That's the bit I would have a massive problem with. I'd be telling him to get back or not bother coming home at all. He's bringing you stress and worry rather than being a positive in your life.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/04/2018 21:03

Short unpaid roles? So he's volunteering as an extra? I'm really surprised he did a sex scene Confused that's normally reserved for a lead role and would mean you had lines as well.

Unless he was just part of some sort of walk on part in an orgy scene or something.

Agree with others, he's a bit selfish to swan off for days for 5 minutes of acting as an extra. Does he have grand ideas of becoming the next Anthony Hopkins?

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