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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hubby been away done something he said he wouldn't , Aibu

244 replies

Janetizzy30 · 30/04/2018 20:20

So my husband is an actor (small non paid films, nothing too big usually between 10 mins and half hour) and he already extended his stay twice. I'm chronically I'll, and at home with the 4 boys up north and he's in London. That's not so much the issue.

My issue is, he always said. ”No matter what he won't do sex scenes, I'm not up for that.” we have had this discussion so many times and always came down to the same conclusion. Any way we haven't had much communication at all, think I've spoken to him properly twice in 10 days and he rings me today, and tells me he did a sex scene. I blew up because instead of ringing me and discussing it quickly he just did it. I would have been fine if he had said....look love, this requires a sex scene, we aren't fully naked, but it will look that way. Is that OK?,...... But he didn't even bother to think of me and got annoyed when I got upset. It was the fact I was an after thought. This was 2 days ago he did this, and it took him til today to tell me....Aibu for being pissed off?

OP posts:
Luckyme2 · 01/05/2018 18:52

And mine!

Luckyme2 · 01/05/2018 18:53

Sorry that was in reply to neveradullmoment

MajesticWhine · 01/05/2018 23:33

He’s a useless shit. He needs to get himself a proper job. Or you need to LTB.

ScrubTheDecks · 02/05/2018 05:10

Maybe he had a body double.

MayCatt · 02/05/2018 06:23

Someone who is claiming money as a carer regularly disappears for 4 days and this time has actually buggered off for 10 days for a hobby which includes a sex scene with a topless woman Hmm It wouldn't take much to question whether that money is being claimed fraudulently as either a carer isn't needed or the one provided isn't doing the job.

That's all aside from leaving a disabled parter and 4 kids (1 with SN). The sex scene is a real breech of trust OP but it's not your biggest issue by a long way.

Mammasmitten · 02/05/2018 07:02

Namethecat
In a group I attend one ladies husband is a gynaecologist, should she be worried ?

If he's doing it for free then yes, she should be worried Grin

Mammasmitten · 02/05/2018 07:24

Good communication is essential in all healthy relationships. I don't think yabu to want the lines of communication to remain open and honest between you and your husband. It sounds like he is shutting down those lines of communication with you and that's not ok. I would be upset too. Hope you're feeling better soonFlowers

Motoko · 02/05/2018 08:46

@Janetizzy30 is he back yet? Wasn't he due back yesterday?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 02/05/2018 08:51

Just read the full thread and I'm speechless - how has he work you down over the years to the point where you think this is Ok?!
Good luck for the 'discussion' and aftermath

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 02/05/2018 09:28

At best, he is building a reputation for being someone who works for free. At worst there is either another woman or he's making really dodgy films.
Either way, he gets to fuck off and ignore his responsibilities while you struggle on. He will keep doing this for as long as he gets away with it.
There are ways to make a living from acting, but this isn't one of them. Has he any qualifications? Could he study for them to become a teacher of Speech & Drama? Or does it have to be a way that lets him pretend he's a Massive Star?

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/05/2018 10:32

Is he on Spotlight, does he have an agent?

If he is still doing free stuff then at 29 having been in the industry for years he needs to call time.

DD works as an actress. (Actual paid roles) but it isn't her only job. She has 6 other zero hour contracts that she picks and chooses from. She goes out to work every day.
Whether as a waitress or a babysitter or other random jobs.

If you live in London then there is no need to go to Manchester to do free work. There is so much down here.

Willow2017 · 02/05/2018 11:06

Olivers
Op lives in the north dp is currently in London playing at being an actor for free.

purplelass · 02/05/2018 11:11

I guess it depends on the reason you don't want him to do sex scenes. If it's because you feel it's the same as cheating then it's not, he's an actor!

If the issue is that he's done something you both agreed that he wouldn't do then it would have been nice to let you know before, but maybe he didn't get the chance, he can hardly pause valuable filming time to ask your permission!

Sounds like you need to agree what's OK and what's not... and stick to it!

Shedmicehugh1 · 02/05/2018 11:20

Carers allowance you have to care for someone at least 35 hours.

He cannot be a carer and a film star, away for 10 days at a time. Tell him to do the job he is being PAID to do!

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/05/2018 12:33

Olivers
Op lives in the north dp is currently in London playing at being an actor for free

Same analogy if you are going to do something for free at least do it in your local area. You shouldn't need to travel

Motoko · 02/05/2018 12:42

purplelass he's not an actor!

InsomniacAnonymous · 02/05/2018 13:33

ScrubTheDecks "Maybe he had a body double."

Firstly, why would he tell the OP h'd filmed a sex scene if he'd had a body double? Secondly, he's an unpaid 'actor' in a short film! Why the hell would he have a body double? They're used by big stars - ie. proper actors - not people like the OP's husband. Your post makes no sense at all.

Springnowplease · 02/05/2018 13:48

If he's getting carer's allowance he should be at home caring. Prick.

Willow2017 · 02/05/2018 13:51

purple
Sounds like you need to agree what's OK and what's not... and stick to it

They already did and sex scenes was something they both agreed wouldn't happen.

Its not like he wouldn't know what that days filming would entail. He is doing a you tube video about drug taking not war and peace.
He isnt being paid to act in a film he is doing a hobby which no doubt actually costs op money to support. While she stays home ill with 4 kids to sort out.

Scrub
On what planet would someone making a you tube vid for free have a body double?

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