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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've identified someone on here

248 replies

ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:18

I've identified someone on here, I 100% know that it's her, there is no doubt. Do I tell her? She's my DH's ex-wife and she has a lot to say about him and me! She unfortunately has given away a little too much of herself. It's really quite amusing to read, but do I tell her I know, would IBU not to? She's not been pleasant about me and it's good to know how she really feels, so i'm tempted to stay undercover.

OP posts:
FoodGloriousFud · 27/04/2018 19:19

I wouldn't!!

DaanSaaf · 27/04/2018 19:20

I'd keep shtum and stalk her posts but then I'm a bitch.

Ivegotfamilyandidrinkcupsoftea · 27/04/2018 19:20

Id stay undercover and keep watching

PurpleParakeet · 27/04/2018 19:21

PM her?

KateGrey · 27/04/2018 19:21

I probably wouldn’t mention it.

halfwitpicker · 27/04/2018 19:21

Keep schtum (and report back)

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 27/04/2018 19:21

God no. Opportunity for some serious spying to be had.

CowesTwo · 27/04/2018 19:22

I wouldn't tell her, I'd be too interested to see what else she had to say. Knowledge is power!

DairyisClosed · 27/04/2018 19:22

Of she hasn't been nice to you then you are under no obligation to be nice to her. Enjoy!

biffyboom · 27/04/2018 19:22

I wouldn't, unless they were telling lies that were malicious. Then I'd tell everyone.

Stormwhale · 27/04/2018 19:23

I wouldn't say anything personally.

Sweetpea55 · 27/04/2018 19:23

You'll find out more if you keep quiet. Softly softly catchy monkey.

DanceDisaster · 27/04/2018 19:23

Oh that’s awkward! Um... I don’t know. It’s an anonymous forum and all that, but it’s really awkward that’s she’s been slagging you off and you know, but she doesn’t know you know, you know Grin?

I might tell her if I liked her (or previously liked her) and just thought she was venting / exaggerating a bit on here. It might just be how she lets off steam and she might not mean some of the things she says on here. Or at least she might not mean to be so harsh.

If you can tell her in as sympathetic way as possible and without starting some sort of fracas, then I probably would.

LittleMissedTheSunshine · 27/04/2018 19:25

I wouldn't, but I might drop a few clues when she posts eg if she posts asking for advice I'd respond and reference something in her life that she hasn't revealed yet. Just enough for her to question if you know her. It'll drive her CRAZY.

Grilledaubergines · 27/04/2018 19:25

Three sides to every story.

RainyApril · 27/04/2018 19:25

I think there's an excellent chance you're wrong. I suspect most posters change minor details to protect their anonymity, and no situation or circumstance is unique anyway.

Knittedfairies · 27/04/2018 19:25

Now every ex-wife will be wondering... I think I’d keep quiet too.

JacquesHammer · 27/04/2018 19:26

Yes I would tell her. Whatever the relationship between you and her she’s using this as a place to sound off I presume? I would have to give her the opportunity to name change and regain her anonymity

willynillypie · 27/04/2018 19:26

Did anyone else have a minor heart attack at the title?

You could always make very subtle and confusing hints to her in person, to freak her out Grin

clothcollector · 27/04/2018 19:28

you could be wrong - agree with RainyApril, i think people will change minor/ inconsequential details to protect identity but not materially change effect of what they are discussing

Callamia · 27/04/2018 19:29

Like all of us, she’s allowed to have a space to sound off. She may be saying unpleasant things about you, but she’s not naming you, or allowing anyone else to know it’s you that she’s talking about - I’d leave her to it.

lavendargreen · 27/04/2018 19:29

Come on, which thread!!??

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:31

:-) there is seriously no doubt whatsoever. I'm afraid to say once I though it was her I read back and that just confirmed.

We were never friends (i'm not the OW), and I always knew she had an issue, but it's good fun finding out how she really feels.

Some of it smacks a bit and I want to bite back with the truth, but hey ho we all embellish now and then.

I don't quite understand what three sides to every story means @Grilledaubergines ?

OP posts:
Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 27/04/2018 19:32

Let her know so she can name change.

It won't be healthy for you to keep checking her posts and it won't be good for her thinking she is having an anonymous rant when you're reading every word.

Grasslands · 27/04/2018 19:33

Two years ago I spotted my dil on an online forum. She wrote some particularly nasty and false things about me. It broke my heart and honestly I couldn’t hold back the tears. I realize exaggeration can be fun but she crossed the line with claims of going n/c.
I didn’t confront her, I did tell my son though. She sent me an apology, I let it go, and with two years time we are okay in person. I don’t know if I continue to be the butt of her jokes online though.
I went with my gut instinct, my head told me otherwise. I’m glad I told my son, lucky it seems to have worked out.