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Original poster

I've identified someone on here

248 replies

ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:18

I've identified someone on here, I 100% know that it's her, there is no doubt. Do I tell her? She's my DH's ex-wife and she has a lot to say about him and me! She unfortunately has given away a little too much of herself. It's really quite amusing to read, but do I tell her I know, would IBU not to? She's not been pleasant about me and it's good to know how she really feels, so i'm tempted to stay undercover.

OP posts:
Chaosandchocolate · 27/04/2018 19:55

I'd hate to come across anyone I knew on here, and read their threads. It would feel like a huge invasion of their privacy, like reading their diary. Stop reading her posts.

Definitely this. It's very unpleasant otherwise.

OP, are there children in the relationship? If you have step children then I'd stop fucking around for sure. Messing around when there are children is not at all funny.

If there are no children I still think it's a huge invasion of privacy that no one deserves. It might affect you if only on a subconscious level in terms of how you interact with the ex wife. It does not feel smart or witty to mess with someone's mind like that.

SelkieUnderLand · 27/04/2018 19:55

Did she say anything about you?

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:55

@Pyong you said you could see why she didn't like me! No it's not a declaration, but if someone tells you they don't like you, surely they expect a response?

This all sounds a bit playground now, so let's drop it please.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 27/04/2018 19:57

Today 19:32 Buzzlightyearsbumchin

Let her know so she can name change.

It won't be healthy for you to keep checking her posts and it won't be good for her thinking she is having an anonymous rant when you're reading every word.

That's the risk she takes by airing her dirty laundry on here.

I wouldn't tell her, I'd just keep watching what she posts and maybe fuck with her in RL

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:57

@Selkie yes she says a lot about me. She really doesn't know me at all so it's guess work.

I've name changed for this.

I'm sure i'm correct, but obviously I can't give away too much! I wouldn't embarrass her publicly, besides I might blow my cover.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 27/04/2018 19:58

She isn´t going to know it was her, is she? It could be absolutely anyone whose ex has got remarried and who has talked about him on here.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 19:58

There'll be no need for OP to tell her, she'll name change for sure after this. As will 500 other posters :D

BurpeesAreTheWorkOfTheDevil · 27/04/2018 19:58

Ive seen a couple of posters that could be mistaken for me, I regularly name change tho to avoid this situation.

I am an ex wife but he's single so it's not me.

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 20:00

I'll be disappointed if she name changes, but I guess that's part of the reason i've posted to stop me "stalking" her. I know its unhealthy.

OP posts:
Shaboohshoobah1 · 27/04/2018 20:00

@channing I did think of doing that, but she will know I have already searched on her, so it seemed a bit late now! She even put a photo of herself on here (with her face blanked out, but still clearly identifiable if you had suspiscions) I’m really surprised she has been so careless as she is usually quite a cautious person.

And don’t worry, it definitely isn’t you - she hasn’t changed her username for about 18 months. Luckily she hasn’t written anything bad about me, so that’s a good thing - if she did I might have to reveal I know who she is, which could get a bit awkward.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 20:01

My sister could be on here, I guess. I probably wouldn't recognise myself from her descriptions of me.

WoofTweetMooBaa · 27/04/2018 20:04

ihate just checking it's not me cos I'm really pissed about my ex not helping more, I'm pissed my kids get an hour at McDonald's!

QuiteLikely5 · 27/04/2018 20:07

Pyongyang is a lovely poster yabu

mathanxiety · 27/04/2018 20:09

"she thinks she knows everything about him and I know nothing"

First off - don't fight over a man.

Second - depending on how long she and he were together there may well be stuff she knows about him that you don't know. She knew him at a different stages of life too.

It may well also be true that she has seen a less pleasant side of him than you have, given that he is now her ex. Hopefully you won't ever see that.

As to her opinions of you, it is very possible that other people do not share the same opinion of you that you hold.

No matter what, she has a right to her version of the truth, and she has a right to use this forum without being stalked.

I think you should PM her and ask her if she is Janet (former wife of Roy) and say she may have outed herself. You don't have to say who you are.

Take the high road. You will never regret it.

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 20:15

@Wooftweet no it's not you either. Lucky kids, wish I had an hour in McDonalds.

She could well know more about him than I do, that is true. But after six years, I know quite a bit about him too. I'm not fighting her for him, they're divorced and she's happy with her new man, i'm very happy with mine.

OP posts:
isthismummy · 27/04/2018 20:18

I wouldn't op.

I once found a friends post on here. They got a right kicking too. I never said anything as I didn't want to embarrass her.

EBearhug · 27/04/2018 20:21

I'm sure there must be people on here I know, and I don't mean those I have met through MN.

I don't think I would say anything, unless I felt that some thing they said put them at risk in some way, other than me reading stuff they wouldn't actually tell me. But I don't know for sure what I'd do. Would probably depend on who it was and our RL relationship.

OnTheRise · 27/04/2018 20:28

I used to be a member here with a different name. Years ago. And I got a message from someone who thought they knew me in real life, and were telling me I had to be more careful about posting details about my life because anyone who knew me would know who I was.

Only I wasn't the person they thought I was.

I ended up taking a step back from mumsnet because they kept on sending me messages, and commenting on threads I'd commented on with a wink and a nod. It was really odd.

chocolateworshipper · 27/04/2018 20:29

Oh I would totally have to drop hints - subtly dropping "cancelling the cheque" into conversation and talking about penguin bollards.

feelinggoodinspring · 27/04/2018 20:30

I wouldn't tell her. It would be very difficult to not confront her about things she's said though.

EggysMom · 27/04/2018 20:32

At least it's not me, I haven't posted anything about my XH's wife. I may have ranted about him quite a few times, but not her - I've never met her!

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 20:35

You've lost me chocolate? Is Penguin Bollard a mumsnet term?

@EggysMom it's funny, she's never met me either. We've said hello once, and have been in the same vicinity probably twice in total. She has just made up her mind she doesn't like me.

OP posts:
GrandTheftWalrus · 27/04/2018 20:46

If anyone recognises me on here I'm not bothered. Anything I post I would tell people in real life so it's not like I'm hiding anything.

Juells · 27/04/2018 20:49

There could be loads of people on here that recognise me because I'm quite evangelical about mumsnet, I've told friends and daughters and sisters they should join 😁 Plus all the members of my writing group 😁 I don't give a shit, I say the same things in RL that I say here.

Juells · 27/04/2018 20:50

What would be quite funny is if there was a double-bluff going on here, if the exW had also recognised the OP, and was saying those things to piss her off.

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