Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've identified someone on here

248 replies

ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:18

I've identified someone on here, I 100% know that it's her, there is no doubt. Do I tell her? She's my DH's ex-wife and she has a lot to say about him and me! She unfortunately has given away a little too much of herself. It's really quite amusing to read, but do I tell her I know, would IBU not to? She's not been pleasant about me and it's good to know how she really feels, so i'm tempted to stay undercover.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:44

The only thing to be gained from telling her would be that I could no longer read her posts and therefore protect myself from the nasty stuff. I could choose not to read them anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:44

No i'm not Julie.

OP posts:
Juells · 27/04/2018 19:45

Is it me!? if it is, say nothing because I know more about him than you do. 😁

I'd hate to come across anyone I knew on here, and read their threads. It would feel like a huge invasion of their privacy, like reading their diary. Stop reading her posts.

SelkieUnderLand · 27/04/2018 19:45

the same attitude!? It's not an attitude. It's just an awareness. My xh is capable of extreme cruelty and I can never forget.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 27/04/2018 19:45

Yknow the best thing to do is just tell her. It’s better for you too - she’ll name change and you won’t spend so much time stalking her!
And everyone is allowed some safe spaces to rant and feel like we’re being listened to and agreed with etc. Everyone knows posters will only present the facts that bolster their case. I rant about my MiL sometimes. It actually helps and I can be nicer and more generous to her in person. But won’t help our relationship any if she read my diary or MN posts or overheard my conversations with my DH.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 19:45

The fact that so many posters are asking if it's them (and I bet plenty of others are silently wondering) makes me unsure if you really do have the right person. A lot of times, our circumstances aren't as unique as we think. I've seen several posters describe their situations and thought, "Someone might think that's me."

WoofTweetMooBaa · 27/04/2018 19:46

I found out 6 months ago my ex's family didn't know our eldest child has autism and I had to leave my job 2 years ago and she's been attending an SEN school for months. He'd told them I'd been denying access as I was jealous he's got married.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 19:46

I'd hate to come across anyone I knew on here, and read their threads. It would feel like a huge invasion of their privacy, like reading their diary.

If they put it on a public internet forum, it's not private!

channingtatumspecs · 27/04/2018 19:46

@Shaboohshoobah1 now I'm massively paranoid!!

Shaboohshoobah1 · 27/04/2018 19:46

@juells that’s what I thought initially but then I figured it was their fault for not covering their tracks enough. If you are careless enough to be identifiable on an anonymous forum, that’s your own fault

honeyroar · 27/04/2018 19:48

I'm intrigued as to who it is! (I know you're not going to say!). I wish my husband's ex was on here, although I'd probably not be able to stay quiet!

Dancingmonkey87 · 27/04/2018 19:48

She probably does have some stuff you don’t know. I know plenty about what ex has got up to behind his dw back I bet many of mn users do.I just don’t feel the need to create threads about them. Call her out on it on the thread or stop reading op.

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:48

PyongyangKipperbang nope not you either - i've read some of your posts on other stuff and we have wildly differing opinions, but no it's not you. I don't like you much either. I'm glad you can pick up my "glee" in a few short posts. For the record, a new wife rarely stops a bad man from paying maintenance, he does that all by himself!

OP posts:
SelkieUnderLand · 27/04/2018 19:48

That's true though pooryorrick. I think in real life people assume I've forgotten all about my x but on mumsnet I read a lot of threads posted by people going through what I went through and I try to help. So I wonder (hopefully) if an acquaintance of mine would connect my posts with me as the two personas don't match. In my opinion. But maybe I'm deluded about what I'm projecting. That's always a possibility

UrgentExitRequired · 27/04/2018 19:48

Gosh this could get ugly.

paxillin · 27/04/2018 19:49

Panic! Phew, not an ex-wife.

PoorYorick · 27/04/2018 19:49

Bah, now I'm wondering if my sister is on here. I've always assumed not because she never mentions it and generally if I like something, she'll hate it. I don't think she's really an internet discussion forum sort of person. But how do I know.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/04/2018 19:50

Ermm I didnt say I didnt like you, I said I could see why she didnt if you have that attitude towards her, but thanks for that.

Dobbyy · 27/04/2018 19:51

I wouldnt tell her and just read her posts and have a good laugh at her when you know she’s talking shit about you.

SelkieUnderLand · 27/04/2018 19:51

"I don't like you either" to pyongyankipperbang. Ihatethedentist you don't have to tell us if you don't like us. It's not like a income declaration form where omission is punishable.

Wow Confused

Shaboohshoobah1 · 27/04/2018 19:52

@channing - you aren’t my sister Grin She has a very identifiable way of writing and also chose a username that is a word that no-one ever says, apart from her. She has also named her high school, and various other things that a friend could piece together very quickly. It’s made me really wary of what I put on here now - don’t give anything away is my advice!

Original poster
ihatethedentist · 27/04/2018 19:52

For those wondering if i've got the wrong person, I couldn't be more sure. She has given away some very unique details, which when added up make one person.

I agree with the carelessness of not covering tracks but also about the anonymity of this forum and that's why it's so good and addictive.

She may NC now anyway having read this so job done.

OP posts:
Aridane · 27/04/2018 19:54

Not nice

channingtatumspecs · 27/04/2018 19:54

@Shaboohshoobah1 I admit i did a fast NC and looked back at previous posts! I could prob be identified on here by someone that knows me well!!
Maybe u should tell your sister so she can NC (then I'll know for sure it's not me!)

PattiStanger · 27/04/2018 19:55

Of course lots of posters will think it could be them, the OP hasn't given enough information for anyone to identify themselves, that doesn't mean that the situation isn't unique enough for her to be sure she's correct

Unless you've name changed for this OP you can't let het know or she can search all your past posts too