To give this 12 year old toast and jam?

[listsandbudgets]

DD has a friend home for tea. We nearly always have pasta on a Friday so tonight is pesto pasta, garlic bread and greek salad... I did ask her mum in advance if she had any dislikes or allergies and was told she wasn't keen on cheese but would eat anything else.

This girl now says she does not like ... pesto, pasta, garlic bread, pizza, salad (of any sort), cheese, rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup... running out of options of things to offer her... she's asked if we can just get something from the chippy or chinese and I've said no...

so AIBU to serve up toast, jam and an apple. and tell her mum that was all I could get her to eat?

Either mum was lying or the kid is trying it on. I think your plan is fine. She may change her mind when she knows what her options are!

YWNBU. Sounds like she's trying it on. I'd do the tea you planned and offer her that or toast.

I’d be sending her straight home without anything to be honest, but then I’ve no patience with fussy eaters or preteens trying to pull a fast one.

Make sure you tell her mother exactly what she declined, then go pour yourself a glass of wine.

She's 12, of course you can give her toast, honestly this isn't worth a second's thought.

YANBU, you've offered plenty of decent nosh and she doesn't want it. Make sure you tell the parent though, I certainly would!

I'd message her Mum and tell her, and then do exactly that. If she was my child, she'd be in deep trouble when she got home.

I have an extremely fussy 12 year old, and if someone gave him toast with jam, a) I'd be mortified that they were such a pain. B) I'd thank you for putting up with them.

I mean she’s 12 not 5, I’d tell her it’s jam on toast or nothing.

Sounds like she’s just playing you wanting a takeaway- an you drop her Mum a text and say heads up, offered x y and z, she’s refused it all saying she dislikes it all and wants takeaway so all I’m left with is toast because we’re not having takeaway tonight, she might want dinner when she gets in.
That way, Mum knows what she’s playing at and can read the riot act when she gets back.

*can you

Cheeky little moo! No Yanbu.

I'd show her the bread bin and the toaster if I were you. And if I'd managed to control my utter incredulity at the ridiculousness and rudeness of course I'd then recover and be polite to my guest and make her some toast and unless she had some unkown special issue never invite her again

I think that sounds fine to do.

I'd text her mum, let her know that her child doesn't like anything you've offered and is it okay to give her some toast to keep her going till she gets home. That way her mum or dad knows to keep dinner for her.

Maybe Friday night is takeaway night at their house!

I'd give her what you are cooking.

My DD2 once refused bread at my friends house (along with everything else), that was a particular proud parenting moment for me.

If she doesn't want to eat what is in the house then sure, offer her bread and jam and let the Mum know she hasn't eaten much of substance.

To be fair, pesto has cheese in it so she's allowed to turn that down since her Mum said she didn't like cheese.

Exactly what @Ellendegeneres said. Text her Mum, explain she has declined all options, you are not buying a takeaway, you are giving her toast. So she might still be hungry when she gets home. What a little brat!

If her mum says she’s not keen on cheese but will eat anything else that probably means she’ll eat all that at home, it’s just probably not her favourite and she’d prefer a takeaway. Maybe just make what you were oringally going to make and ask her if she wants to try it. If she doesn’t then make her some toast

She's 12! She's perfectly capable of telling her Mum she hasn't had much to eat when she gets home. No need to text her mum so that she knows to keep some dinner. (Maybe a need to make sure her mum knows that perfectly decent food was on offer).

If was all a big play for chips she might suddenly change her mind on the other stuff when you sit down to eat. I'd offer her what you're having (or a plainer version eg pasta without the pesto) one last time before you even go to the trouble of making toast.

I wonder when, in the years between 12 and adulthood, she is going to learn that it is bad mannered to decline what your host has prepared and suggested they buy a takeaway for you instead.

I'd say it's either the pasta or the toast

I’d be mortified if my 5 year old refused all those things. I think toast and jam is fine and you are very kind and patient.

But both pesto and greek salad have cheese in them.
Why would you go to the effort to ask waht she likes and then serve the only thing you know she doesnt?
I suspect she over exaggerating the other stuff now so just give her toast but you were unreasonsable in the first place.

Maybe her Mum feels she likes everything but that's because they live on takeaways, which is what the child is used to? Could be she isn't used to a range of foods.

Not your problem if she doesn't eat just inform the mum at pickup or by text if she is going home by herself. Really bad manners. I wouldn't be offering alternatives!