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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give this 12 year old toast and jam?

267 replies

listsandbudgets · 27/04/2018 16:27

DD has a friend home for tea. We nearly always have pasta on a Friday so tonight is pesto pasta, garlic bread and greek salad... I did ask her mum in advance if she had any dislikes or allergies and was told she wasn't keen on cheese but would eat anything else.

This girl now says she does not like ... pesto, pasta, garlic bread, pizza, salad (of any sort), cheese, rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup... running out of options of things to offer her... she's asked if we can just get something from the chippy or chinese and I've said no...

so AIBU to serve up toast, jam and an apple. and tell her mum that was all I could get her to eat?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 27/04/2018 18:11

Good lord, there are some posters here that are far ruder than the 12 year old and they are presumably adults.

GertrudeCB · 27/04/2018 18:13

Reminds me of my best friends son. After a spate of him not being invited back to playdates / meals she asked me to have him to dinner one Saturday. We always shopped together and shared a taxi home so whilst we were shopping I asked her to choose a couple of choices of what he liked, exact brand etc.
Saturday rolls on and look and behold he refused both choices ( food he had at home) and demanded chips, coke and a Magnum for after. He was 11 yo, not a teeny tot.
Best friend was informed and stormed round to read him the riot act.Grin

parkermoppy · 27/04/2018 18:17

idobelieveinfairies86 i think the difference is that you probably wouldn't tell the other mum that she would eat pretty much anything. sensory issues is a whole different ball game and I'm sure OP would have been happy to accommodate that

Hillingdon · 27/04/2018 18:21

Cheeky mare. We only have a take away as a special treat.

I have relative at 11 who eats with their fingers. Apparently they don't like using a knife and fork and as its family we just need to indulge them.

Willow2017 · 27/04/2018 18:23

It was cheeky to ask for a take away, but maybe the last time she went to a friend's house they had takeaway and she just excepted it as the 'norm'. 12yo's don't have the greatest social skills.

Why would she 'expect' a take away when invited to dinner as the 'norm'? Most people dont have takeaways as a regular meal.

If the rest of the family were having a meal asking for a takeaway for herself is rude and a 12yr old should know that by now. If my 12 yr old had said that I would be mortified. There was a whole list of things offered which she refused and decided op should go to the trouble of getting a takeaway just for her! Round here that would involve a 4 mile round trip and half hour wait in the shop, no chance.

ChablisLover · 27/04/2018 18:29

Yup she's a cheeky so and so but is trying it on. Maybe dd said Friday was takeaway saying friends coming over or something
Toast is fine if she won't eat anything else offered and I would tell her mum too

AmazingPostVoices · 27/04/2018 18:47

12yo's don't have the greatest social skills. And 'I don't like it' probably just meant it wasn't what she wanted.

A 12 year old’s social skills should be considerably better than this.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 18:50

Little brat? She settled for pasta with frigging ketchup. Hardly brat like behaviour.

MyLearnedFriend · 27/04/2018 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmazingPostVoices · 27/04/2018 19:22

GreatDuck she settled for it eventually, after initially refusing it and requesting a takeaway instead.

If that were my child I’d be mortified.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 19:31

Maybe she didn't fancy the other food offered? Tbf not sure I would either.

In the end she was polite and ate the food the OP has cooked minus the pesto etc. Honestly it's nothing to get worked up about.

brassbrass · 27/04/2018 19:35

Fussy eater or not it doesn't excuse bad manners and bad parenting. By the age of 12 she doesn't know how to be a guest in someone else's houseHmm

Odoreida · 27/04/2018 19:38

When I was 12 I made a new friend who was 11. She was (and still is) fantastic company, one of the best people I've ever met. She was a seriously fussy eater and had been since she was a child - had a list of about 6 things she would eat. I'd never met anyone like this before and spent many happy minutes asking her 'have you REALLY never had Ribena?' She rarely ate at anyone else's house - I think it would have stressed her out too much. She might well have asked for chips in a panic. She really, really wasn't a brat, and I can't think of anyone who would have described her like that. It seems a really odd thing to say about a child.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 19:38

Asking for a takeaway was a bit cheeky yes but she was polite in the end.

It's not like she refused point blank to eat anything!

MissCharleyP · 27/04/2018 20:04

I never realised until reading this that pesto had cheese in it!

MissCharleyP · 27/04/2018 20:05

I’ve just asked DH (who used to be a chef), neither did he!

angryburd · 27/04/2018 20:10

Slightly off topic but what exactly is "plain pasta"? Is it literally just cooked pasta without any sort of sauce or anything else to give it any description of flavour?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 20:13

Yes imo plain pasta is just pasta with nothing added. Not very appealing but some children like it.

BuntyII · 27/04/2018 20:14

Bet your DD put her up to asking for a takeaway.

Bettiedraper · 27/04/2018 20:17

Give her the pasta with just butter on it and leave the cheese out of her portion of Greek salad.

FASH84 · 27/04/2018 20:17

I remember being about ten and going to my best friend's house for tea, her big sister was back from uni and had gone veggie so her mum said we were having spaghetti Bolognese with Quorn, I was really worried that I wouldn't like it and what would I do, but I never would've asked for take away. I just did what my parents would have expected at home, at least try it. I did and really liked it, went home raving about Quorn and how no baby animals died for my dinner, much to my mum's confusion - this was the early nineties. But I think she was just pleased I hadn't been rude to someone cooking me dinner.

LiteraryDevil · 27/04/2018 21:20

Op did you say anything to her mum?

TeisanLap · 27/04/2018 21:27

All this 'picky/fussy eater' nastiness is why I don't allow my daughter to go to people's houses for tea. My dd won't eat proper meat (Like a chicken breast, mince, slice of pork joint etc) because she has texture sensory issues and gags, and there are a host of foods she just doesnt like, not for any particular reason. And people would tell her off for it?? no thanks I'll keep her at home where she's not criticised for being 'difficult'

I have a son who’s severely autistic and I well understand sensory issues. I’m assuming if your DD goes to someone house and there’s a chance food will be part of the experience you’ll have told the hostess there are circumstances needing to be taken in to consideration. That was not the case in this scenario and it’s absolutely nothing to do with your DD’s situation and I think deep down inside you Know it.

TeisanLap · 27/04/2018 21:28

Bet your DD put her up to asking for a takeaway

There is that.

familygermsareok · 27/04/2018 21:33

Yes angryburd plain pasta is exactly that, absolutely nothing on it. DS2 has rejected it with butter, olive oil, and once had to send a plate back in a posh restaurant as it was salted! To be fair, I tasted it and it was very salty.
He will, however, eat any variety of pasta. Penne, fusilli, spaghetti, rigatoni, conchini. As long as it's not contaminated with any actual flavour! 🙄