To give this 12 year old toast and jam?

[listsandbudgets]

DD has a friend home for tea. We nearly always have pasta on a Friday so tonight is pesto pasta, garlic bread and greek salad... I did ask her mum in advance if she had any dislikes or allergies and was told she wasn't keen on cheese but would eat anything else.

This girl now says she does not like ... pesto, pasta, garlic bread, pizza, salad (of any sort), cheese, rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup... running out of options of things to offer her... she's asked if we can just get something from the chippy or chinese and I've said no...

so AIBU to serve up toast, jam and an apple. and tell her mum that was all I could get her to eat?

Well as carbs the pizza salad and pesto go you knew she didn't like cheese so original refusal is on you tbh

But the rest well there's probably an element of trying it on. But plain pasta and ketchup is doable.

Shed get one more chance in my house on account of it being my stuff up on the cheese front . If same problem is say stuff that

As far as

yum yum, plain pasta with a plain salad how super tasty

can't think why she wasn't slavering over that

amazing is it really so hard to do a slice of toast or plain pasta for a house guest? Agreed 2 weeks on holiday is a different matter. But really there are worse things that a house guest could do than ask for some toast instead of pesto sauce.....

Officer - if you'd read op's updates you'd have seen she was offered plain not Greek salad.

PLUS she was offered

pesto, pasta, garlic bread, pizza, salad (of any sort), cheese, rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup...

The only things I can see in that list being a problem based on what HER OWN mother said is the pesto MAYBE (I'm also not buying she knows there's cheese in it) pizza and the repeatedly mentioned cheese.

She was clearly lying as she's now said she WILL eat pasta. And the mother didn't mention a dislike of any of the rest so I suspect she's just angling for takeaway.

there's parmesan in pesto.

lists you have been very accommodating! I was talking about some of the other posters and also lots of other threads where people find the issue of mealtimes a massive deal. I was a fussy eater as a child & hadn't realized it was such a drama. But back in those days there weren't so many play date situations. I would genuinely gag at certain foods - not in front of people - I would just force stuff down. But I would have panicked at pesto and also the garlic bread. Eat them all now.

Would you really text the parent about what a secondary school child does or doesn't want for their tea?

Asking for a takeaway is rude but she's not your child so not your worry imo

Can i come for tea?

I think you should let her parents know that she asked for a takeaway instead of the many choices you offered. How incredibly rude of her.

Well it’s once thing to be a fussy eater but quite another to ask for a takeaway.

Plus there’s nothing me annoying than when a parent says their child will eat ‘anything’ when they really won’t. We have friends who say their child eats everything but what she really eats is the plain carb part of any meal. So it goes, “ Does she like curry?” “Oh yes!” Then when it’s served up, “She doesn’t like sauce so she’ll just have the rice oh and since she’s not having the sauce she’ll have a full (large) naan bread to herself”

we just had this kind oif thing for our Guide Camp.

We get the kids to fill in food preferences form - which a list of all food we're planning on serving with an option of "love it/will eat/yuck, hate it"

One kid put "yuck" to:

plain pasta
pasta sauce tomato
pasta sauce carbonara
grated cheese
rice
sausages
bread
chicken
sweetcorn
peas
tomato soup
Chicken soupo
Vegetable soup

So, I saw the form and though "oh crap...what is she going to eat all weekend, so I Queried child - and asked the following regarding:

Pasta: "you don't like plain pasta? on it's own? Reply was "Oh, yes, I just don't like very saucey pasta..."
Tomato pasta sauce: "I only like a small amount" (fine, you take what you want)
Carbonara sauce: "Don't like" (fair enough)
Cheese: I like it sometimes... if it's small amount (fine, you take what you want)
Rice: I like rice
Sausages: "I like some sausages, just not THIS VERY SPECIFIC SAUSAGE" (so...she likes sausages...)
Bread: "I like it with no butter" (...so you like bread)
Chicken: "Only if it isn't in gravy" (So YOU DON'T LIKE GRAVY! )
Sweetcorn: "I only like it hot..."
Peas: "I like peas..."
Soup: "I don't like soup.... well i like tomato soup" (so that will be the TOMATO SOUP you said you hated...)

Another one said she didn't like Curry, but asked for Chicken Tikka Masala instead, because she thought "curry sauce" might be spicy, and she doens't like that...

So, basically, don't believe them when they say they don't like something... enquire further!

lol ppl are so keen to make this kid out to be horrible

she was asked what she doesn't like, she said cheese and literally no effort was made to accommodate her beyond offering a cheeseless plain version of the family's cheese based meal that they normally eat on a friday

she's come up with her own creative way of making it tastier (add butter and ketchup)

panic over, but oh no, we must burn the witch

YANBU

Can't believe she asked to get a takeaway instead! How rude

literally no effort was made to accommodate her beyond offering a cheeseless plain version of the family's cheese based meal that they normally eat on a friday

LOL, so pesto, pasta, garlic bread, pizza, salad (of any sort), cheese, rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup is "nothing".

There's CHEESE in pesto?! I never knew that!!

Whatever happened to eating stuff you hated out of politeness?

I still remember the rhubarb crumble I forced down at my friend's house when I was about 8 or 9.

And all the times I ate roast parsnip when I first started going out with my ex and went round MIL's for Sunday roast.

I'd just be mortified to tell someone I didn't like what they'd cooked, let alone ask for a takeaway!

Mmmmm rhubarb. So delicious. Honestly. Yum. ()

I think the" doesn't like cheese" thing is a con. It's either down to the taste, the texture or the concept. Parmesan, feta and cheddar are widely different in taste and texture. As for concept, the little parmasan in pesto would surely be knocked out by the overwhelming basil.
Speaking as someone with a child who won't eat cheese, except on pizza

I'm amazed that a child suggested you buy takaway though.

kids are weird though aren't they

when parents say they 'eat anything' they mean 'anything' in the sense of 'anything i make, the way that i make it'

so some kids will say they like cheese meaning they like orange cheese, or veggie sausages meaning the linda mccartney fake meat ones but not the ones that are like cheese and broccoli, or fish fingers but only the ones in batter, not breadcrumbs - and they won't think to mention this because it won't occur to them, because they're kids, their world is smaller than ours and they don't tend to have to meal plan or shop or cook (cue mn vying over whose dc can whip up the best 3 course sunday dinner from the earliest age ). chip shop stuff/ takeaways, bought pizza etc that's all an easy win because it's always the same, whereas a vegetarian bolognese for example will differ hugely from household to household.

so sometimes you'll put food down in front of a visiting child that you're confident they'll like and they look at you like wtf, but so what, is it really the death of good manners as we know it like ppl on here try and make out?

idk why people are still banging on about cheese. she doesn't like cheese. pesto has cheese in it. jesus. get over it.

I was a fussy eater - I hated dinner time in other people's houses. Toast would have been perfect for me.
My own kids are not fussy though but they have been taught if they don't like what's on offer to just say they don't feel hungry and I'll make them something when they get home.
I would mention to the mum that she asked for a take-away, I'd do it in a jokey way so the mum has an opportunity to let her dd know asking for a takeaway is not good manners - her mum can't correct what she doesn't know.

If I'd already asked her mum I wouldn't even have asked the child I would have just served it. I bet she would have tried it at least. Yanbu

Well, if she doesn't like cheese she isn't going to like pesto or Greek salad is she? Or pizza.

converse no of course providing toast for a one off guest isn’t hard.

And I do understand that some kids just have a limited palate and it’s not necessarily either the child or the parent’s fault.

The the fact remains that it’s a pain in the arse to cater for.

Especially when you ask the parents in advance and the information doesn’t tie up with what the kid will actually eat.

I don’t mind making accommodations, but I’m not psychic.

And I’m not going to feed everyone else chicken nuggets and pizza for two weeks just because the visiting child won’t eat anything else.

And I won’t smile indulgently if the visiting child says “yuck” at the dinner table.

Graphista you sound like an excellent guest.

it's op that didn't know pesto has cheese in it though. bit of a basic food knowledge fail. not the child's fault is it?