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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give this 12 year old toast and jam?

267 replies

listsandbudgets · 27/04/2018 16:27

DD has a friend home for tea. We nearly always have pasta on a Friday so tonight is pesto pasta, garlic bread and greek salad... I did ask her mum in advance if she had any dislikes or allergies and was told she wasn't keen on cheese but would eat anything else.

This girl now says she does not like ... pesto, pasta, garlic bread, pizza, salad (of any sort), cheese, rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup... running out of options of things to offer her... she's asked if we can just get something from the chippy or chinese and I've said no...

so AIBU to serve up toast, jam and an apple. and tell her mum that was all I could get her to eat?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 27/04/2018 17:39

Little brat. Pasta pesto, toast or go home with nothing. I would not offer her a dessert either.

PattiStanger · 27/04/2018 17:40

Anyway it's silly to say she doesn't like cheese, there are 1000s of different cheeses, it's not one thing like bread or pasta which doesn't have much variation.

OfficerVanHalen · 27/04/2018 17:40

amazing why are you going on about two weeks? either this is the longest playdate on earth or you're projecting hugely. i completely feel you not wanting to accommodate people for two weeks, man oh man. if i had such longterm houseguests i'd be expecting them to pitch in with meals tbh. but this is one evening. most people could accommodate a request for no cheese for one meal. politeness goes both ways.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2018 17:40

Toast us fine for any meal refuser, at least they have something in their stomachs. Yiu don't run a restaurant. Mum was lying.

JessicaJonesJacket · 27/04/2018 17:41

It's funny. I don't consider myself a fussy eater but looking at your initial offering - I don't like pesto and hate olives (so wouldn't like a traditional Greek salad). It may be that the mum just didn't think to mention some items that her DD doesn't eat.

Katedotness1963 · 27/04/2018 17:41

I remember spending a week with an elderly relative when I was about 13/14. The menu for the week turned out to be a list of food I couldn't stand. I ate it and said thank you. On the last night she made a roast with the trimmings. Finally! Something I could enjoy. I served myself and she brought over the gravy boat and poured it over my plate. A steam of liquid fat poured out and covered my dinner. When she served herself the actual gravy finally came out. I could have wept.

When my parents came to get me she pointed out I spent a lot of money on "rubbish" from the corner shop...

familygermsareok · 27/04/2018 17:44

Glad you've found a solution with the pasta/butter/ketchup. That is fine, easy to do and everyone happy. I wouldn't bother texting her mum unless you think you might be judged and want to clarify. If she is hungry when she gets home I would think she would be able to get herself some supper at that age.
DS2 (now 13) is incredibly fussy and survives mostly on plain pasta and bread. I manage to get enough protein and vegetable matter for reasonable health into him at home, but I wouldn't expect a host to cater for his narrow tastes and if he won't eat what's on offer he is expected to do without and get a snack when he comes home.

I do think it was a bit rude to ask for a takeaway, but just in a meh, eyebrow slightly raised way, not in a never darken my doorstep again way.

JessicaJonesJacket · 27/04/2018 17:44

Some children (and adults) don't like cheese in any form - not cheddar; Edam; parmesan; feta; goat's, etc. Why are posters struggling with that concept? Confused

FranticallyPeaceful · 27/04/2018 17:46

CF child asking for chippy or Chinese!

parkermoppy · 27/04/2018 17:47

Maybe I am totally off here but by 12, at secondary school age surely anyone would have enough manners to eat a plate of pasta pesto? Even a small amount if they were not too keen.

I can understand 7/8 year olds but at 12 it is bad manners. If you were making something very unusual that was an acquired taste then maybe. How hard is it to say 'i'll just have a small bowl thanks i'm not too hungry', and then eat something at home?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 17:49

After reading your update it sounds like she's not being that fussy really. When we have DC's friends round I try and make them food they like and want them to have a nice time.

No biggie really here.

user1471517900 · 27/04/2018 17:50

I dislike cheese. I don't eat any. There may be some that I like maybe but I'm not bothered about finding our because I dislike the savoury creamy taste. I would also have rejected cream of tomato soup for similar reasons in that list.

I get "but you can't hate all cheese" all the time.

FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends · 27/04/2018 17:50

I agree, by 12 surely you know it's good manners to at least try some of what your host has cooked? You don't have to eat all of it.

I hate mushrooms. Can't bear them. Hate beetroot and lamb. I've eaten all of those before as a kid when I've been at someone's house and they've made them for me. Would have been too polite to say I didn't like it, let alone ask for a takeaway instead!

LoniceraJaponica · 27/04/2018 17:51

I know loads of 12 year olds and older who wouldn't eat pesto pasta. I love it but it does have a very pronounced taste.

Do you know many 12 year olds?

dontticklethetoad · 27/04/2018 17:52

I don't think it's the fussiness, it's the audacity of asking for a take away!

AmazingPostVoices · 27/04/2018 17:53

Officer my posts are fairly self explanatory if you read them.

A previous poster asked why there was so much hate for fussy eaters and I explained my personal recent experience and then replied to a specific post from converse.

It’s not that complicated.

But yes, as part of being a good host I would happily accommodate a non cheese eating guest.

And no sadly not all visitors pitch in, not even with the washing up.

Atticusss · 27/04/2018 17:54

If pasta and ketchup is an option for her, you can guess what kind of food she is offered at home. I once went round for tea at someone's house as a child and was served spaghetti and ketchup. I was so confused. Maybe she is only offered junk food at home. Under 10 and I usually ask guests what there favourite meal is and make that. Over 10 I serve up and if they don't like it I offer something else. The kid was rude asking for takeaway though.

00100001 · 27/04/2018 17:56

Since when does pesto taste of cheese??? Confused

familygermsareok · 27/04/2018 17:57

parkermoppy my 13 year old wouldn't countenance pasta with anything whatsoever on it, although he would gobble up a huge plate of completely plain pasta. I do agree with you that it would be ideal manners to try a small amount, but having seen him attempt, gag, and almost vomit when I have pushed him to try things before I tend to just let him say no thank you now.
He had a jam sandwich for Christmas dinner- his choice, no point stressing about it.

Willow2017 · 27/04/2018 17:57

Why are all the people piling on Op missing the fact that she offered all this stuff (apart from the cheese she didnt like apparently) and it was all refused while she asked for a take away?

pasta, garlic bread, salad (of any sort), rice, eggs, sausages, baked beans, baked potatos or tomato soup...

Its not like she was offered pesto or toast!

Whereas we dont eat pesto in our house as its vile, my kids would have taken something else on offer and not be so rude as to ask them to get a takeaway for them!

JessicaJonesJacket · 27/04/2018 18:00

If pasta and ketchup is an option for her, you can guess what kind of food she is offered at home
That's judgey nonsense. It's more likely that she has opted for standard items where she can be sure of the taste purely because it isn't her home and the initial offerings included two cheese options.

TeaforTiger · 27/04/2018 18:03

Why are people being so over the top about the little girl? Fine she was being fussy, but it's not the end of the world.

It was cheeky to ask for a take away, but maybe the last time she went to a friend's house they had takeaway and she just excepted it as the 'norm'. 12yo's don't have the greatest social skills. And 'I don't like it' probably just meant it wasn't what she wanted.
Would people really send her packing/ offer plain toast?! Why Confused

I always do my best to ensure my DC friend's have a nice time when they come to my house.

parkermoppy · 27/04/2018 18:04

familygermsareok fair! I don't think I really took in to account for people really disliking tastes
Along the same lines though I would definitely mention even jokingly to her mum, maybe in future she'll know to ask politely for her pasta plain. takeaways are expensive, she should be thanking her host for feeding her not suggesting she spends more money. 12 is definitely old enough to know this.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/04/2018 18:08

But why did you make the first thing you offered be something that contains the only ingredient the mum told you she didn't like? Or if you were going to do that anyway, why on earth did you ask the mum at all?

idobelieveinfairies86 · 27/04/2018 18:09

All this 'picky/fussy eater' nastiness is why I don't allow my daughter to go to people's houses for tea. My dd won't eat proper meat (Like a chicken breast, mince, slice of pork joint etc) because she has texture sensory issues and gags, and there are a host of foods she just doesnt like, not for any particular reason. And people would tell her off for it?? no thanks I'll keep her at home where she's not criticised for being 'difficult'.

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