What a weird night/day...

[ColdStarFish]

Bit of an odd story and I'm not sure what I want/expect replies wise but here goes...

Back story, currently 24 weeks pregnant with DD1. Working full time and generally knackered 24/7.
So, last night I worked a late shift at work. Finished at 11pm and drove home as per usual.
DFiance was at home and normally goes up to bed before I'm back.
I get home at 11:30pm and the house is in darkness so assume he's upstairs. Go to open the door and it's locked. The dogs at this point are barking the house down - intruder alert, (we have four big dogs). Try my key in the lock and it won't go in because his keys are in the other side of the door.
Tried to call his mobile - not answering (probably on silent).
Tried to call the house phone - doesn't hear that either.
Try the back door, same scenario.
Chucked stones at the bedroom window - nothing.
So I go back around to the front of the house.
I then tried to reach the keys through the letter box, my hand was too big to get anywhere near the lock or dangling keys. Tried to hook them with a long stick but the stick was the wrong shape and no use.
Then I tried to remove the letter box. Luckily had access to a screwdriver but couldn't remove both sides and so this was useless too.
Tried the windows, all closed and feasibly I wouldn't have been able to scramble up or get through any of them
Tried to push the key out but couldn't do that either.
By midnight I decided to give up. With no money on me I had no choice other than to sleep in my car.
I had an old rug in the boot (used for the dogs) so I curled up under that, had raging heartburn all night, horrific cramping from being contorted into weird shapes and slept for about 3 broken hours in total.

DF sent me a message saying sorry, asking where I was at 7ish this morning and that he had unlocked the door. I was in McDonalds at this point as I was desperate for a wee & treated myself to a cup of tea.

I got home and went straight to bed and I've been here pretty much ever since.

DF has been lying on the sofa all day and not once has he apologised verbally to me. He's just slothed there watching TV (supposed to be working). I asked if he was feeling ok and he says he has stomach ache.

AIBU to want to shout at him?
I'm sure it was a mistake and he didn't mean to lock his pregnant fiancée out in the cold all night but the lack of verbal apology and the fact that he's done sod all all day makes me a bit annoyed really.
If it were the other way around I'd at least have made an effort to show I gave a shit about my mistake.

There’s also something odd about him not going to work the next day, then vaguely citing a stomach ache. It’s as if he wanted to make sure he was in the house for the ‘aftermath’ so to speak. Is it normal for him to not go to work at the last minute?

I don’t believe he slept through 4 large dogs barking as well as all the noise you were making.
I don’t believe he saw you’d been trying to call him at stupid o’clock and figured you were ok.
I don’t believe he accidentally left the keys in the door (considering this isn’t a new situation to get used to)
So when baby is born you can’t trust him to look after her, how does he feel about that?

To be fair I can sleep through anything. I slept through bombs when I was in the IDF, and incoming attacks sirens and officers screaming at me to get up..! I am a beyond heavy sleeper. I can definitely sleep through dogs barking and banging on the doors. So you can't call someone selfish for that, it's just their nature.

For what it's worth, my partner is a very heavy sleeper and would probably sleep through that. He's slept through a smoke alarm before, numerous huge thunderstorms, and me banging on the door, ringing and throwing stones at the window when he accidentally locked me out years ago. He did wake up eventually, but I was about to call a taxi and go to his mum's!

The lack of apology/kindness and day off sick sound strange though.

So when I got home from work yesterday he came down from the office and we had a long talk.

The first thing he said was that he wanted to apologise properly because he knew that the way he had behaved (aside from the locking out mistake) was wrong and he was very sorry etc etc.

I voiced all my concerns, most of which you have all mentioned here.

He works from home so calling a sick day is basically him deciding if he wants to do any work or not that day. He runs his own company so having the odd day off here and there is nothing out of the ordinary but he said he understood how it would look suspicious given the previous evenings fuck up.

He also said he did feel very remorseful but didn't want to make the situation worse and so thought that giving me space to sleep and be angry by myself was a better option than him trying to say sorry and upsetting me further.
Of course I explained that a verbal apology would have been much better received than his behaviour.

He understood fully and said without prompting what could have happened if the worst had occurred and he said he wouldn't have been able to live with himself had that been the case.

I asked him again why he didn't try to contact me at 5am when he woke and he said he had just assumed that I had gone to my friends, I had sent him a message at that point to say I was locked out and so he thought I'd have gone elsewhere to sleep and didn't think I'd be in the car. He said as I'm so tired at the moment he thought it would be better to let me sleep and contact me a bit later at normal getting up time so he didn't disturb me.

In hindsight I should have gone elsewhere but i didn't. Blame tired brain/baby brain, whatever you like.

He does have "issues" if you like with showing emotion/empathy/being stubborn etc which he has been receiving counselling for. He has made progress but perhaps not enough.
I have encouraged him to work on it and speak to the therapist about it.

Think the lock is going to be changed also.

Sounds like a good outcome OP

I really would do the same to him just so he realises how bad it feels.

Surely he'd have looked out the window and noticed your car was still there ?

Cars are parked on the road, not viewable from the house @SparklyMagpie

Of course ...

That sounds like a reasonable resolution (as long as there is a behaviour change to go with it!)

Well they are, @SparklyMagpie, why would I make it up? Assuming that's what you're implying...?

Yes if the behaviour changes then i suppose it can be chalked up as a major fuck up and move on.

Of course.

You know the rules @SparklyMagpie , troll hunting isn't allowed. If you don't believe OP you need to report.

Who would put their phone on silent while their partner was out? Especially a heavily pregnant one.

Also, who locks the door while their partner is out?

My first thought was that he had someone else in there too.

At least he sees what he's done wrong now though, apparently.

He very rarely has his phone on loud anyway and neither do I. If he was out late I probably would have mine on silent too...

It wouldn't be the best time to have someone else in the house, considering I would return from work. Why not do it when I'm definitely out for longer instead of when I'm due home doesn't make sense.

Fairly confident it was just a daft mistake, hopefully it won't happen again.

My DH is a really really heavy sleeper. There has been times where he has gone to bed & I've stayed up to watch something on tv & ive fallen asleep downstairs.

Yet he has always managed to wake in the night & realise I am not beside him & come downstairs to bring me up to bed.

I find it quite hard to believe that someone could've slept through 4 dogs barking, no matter how much of a heavy sleeper they are! Anyway, you obviously know him better than anyone else op.

Any thoughts on my earlier question? FWIW I don't think he had someone in the house, I don't think he was home at all, there's loads of places he could have been, nothing to do with OW. Casino, bar, gaming at a mates.

The OP has said very clearly that the door was locked from the inside so how could he have been out?

It sounds to me like your DH is telling the truth OP and I’m glad he’s now apologised. I think you need to prepare yourself for him not hearing the baby when he/ she arrives, my DH never ever woke when ds cried 🤨. Mind you he is partially deaf.

I asked him again why he didn't try to contact me at 5am when he woke and he said he had just assumed that I had gone to my friends, I had sent him a message at that point to say I was locked out and so he thought I'd have gone elsewhere to sleep and didn't think I'd be in the car. He said as I'm so tired at the moment he thought it would be better to let me sleep and contact me a bit later at normal getting up time so he didn't disturb me.

That was in a previous answer @Weezol - don't know if that answers your question?

In relation to him not being in the house, we live in the arse end of nowhere, right out in the countryside. His friends all live approx 30 miles away (he moved to be with me), there are no casinos or anything local that he could have been in (not a gambler anyway), local pub is closed before the time I got home and his van was parked up at home.

Short of him walking somewhere (unlikely I think) he must have been at home as there wouldn't be anywhere local for him to go at that time of night on foot...

And that @Trialsmum

Unless he slithered out the letterbox.

Fair enough. Pleas accept my apologies for misunderstanding earlier posts and being an idiot on your thread.

Apology accepted @Weezol

Didn't think you were remotely idiotic 🙂

Definitely look into the lock change
With the sleeping - my dad slept through a burglary, my mum waking up and ringing the police, the police coming in and standing next to his bed, and all the time a giant red bell of a burglar alarm going off
However she did say when I was a baby he would get up, change me and do everything and then in the morning say "wasn't the baby good sleeping straight through?"
He would hear me, wake up, but not remember it the next day