What a weird night/day...

[ColdStarFish]

Bit of an odd story and I'm not sure what I want/expect replies wise but here goes...

Back story, currently 24 weeks pregnant with DD1. Working full time and generally knackered 24/7.
So, last night I worked a late shift at work. Finished at 11pm and drove home as per usual.
DFiance was at home and normally goes up to bed before I'm back.
I get home at 11:30pm and the house is in darkness so assume he's upstairs. Go to open the door and it's locked. The dogs at this point are barking the house down - intruder alert, (we have four big dogs). Try my key in the lock and it won't go in because his keys are in the other side of the door.
Tried to call his mobile - not answering (probably on silent).
Tried to call the house phone - doesn't hear that either.
Try the back door, same scenario.
Chucked stones at the bedroom window - nothing.
So I go back around to the front of the house.
I then tried to reach the keys through the letter box, my hand was too big to get anywhere near the lock or dangling keys. Tried to hook them with a long stick but the stick was the wrong shape and no use.
Then I tried to remove the letter box. Luckily had access to a screwdriver but couldn't remove both sides and so this was useless too.
Tried the windows, all closed and feasibly I wouldn't have been able to scramble up or get through any of them
Tried to push the key out but couldn't do that either.
By midnight I decided to give up. With no money on me I had no choice other than to sleep in my car.
I had an old rug in the boot (used for the dogs) so I curled up under that, had raging heartburn all night, horrific cramping from being contorted into weird shapes and slept for about 3 broken hours in total.

DF sent me a message saying sorry, asking where I was at 7ish this morning and that he had unlocked the door. I was in McDonalds at this point as I was desperate for a wee & treated myself to a cup of tea.

I got home and went straight to bed and I've been here pretty much ever since.

DF has been lying on the sofa all day and not once has he apologised verbally to me. He's just slothed there watching TV (supposed to be working). I asked if he was feeling ok and he says he has stomach ache.

AIBU to want to shout at him?
I'm sure it was a mistake and he didn't mean to lock his pregnant fiancée out in the cold all night but the lack of verbal apology and the fact that he's done sod all all day makes me a bit annoyed really.
If it were the other way around I'd at least have made an effort to show I gave a shit about my mistake.

You need a thumbturn lock like this. Easy to fit. I did it myself in about a minute. www.screwfix.com/p/yale-6-pin-euro-cylinder-thumbturn-lock-35-35-70mm-satin-nickel/27935?tc=HA3&ds_kid=92700022061876631&ds_rl=1249481&ds_rl=1245250&gclid=CjwKCAjwzoDXBRBbEiwAGZRIeGnCTzQGfsmo-mc6oguzoUDcW2lxMnL-NOoF7BIWlnkbUBdfUApkoBoCkhoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CJ_M6e7A1toCFchmGwodlaUIzA

@NamechangerT1000

How can I be sure? I've asked him and his answer although shit does seem to be genuine.

Don't really know how I can get any more information.

As I said earlier we haven't argued about anything recently, he was fine at around 8pm when I text him on my break so I can only assume what he is saying is the truth. I don't see why he would do it on purpose.

I did say to him his lack of remorse makes me feel as though he did it purposefully, to which he replied shocked "of course I didn't!" There was genuine concern and "can't believe you'd suggest that" tone in his voice and look on his face.

Does he often sleep all night in the office? Because it strikes me as a lie. It's his attempt to justify why he didn't notice you weren't home. Even he knows it would be difficult to accept he didn't once stir during the night and notice you weren't lying beside him.

He had someone else in the house OP.

He had someone else in the house OP.

That was actually why I thought straight away when I read the OP.

You obviously know him better than anyone, so if you think he was ok then you are probably right. The heavy sleep thing actually isn't so much of an issue for me IF he was genuinely horrified and apologetic. It's THAT behaviour that worries me. I would find that really hard to get past.

It does read as him being a bullshitter.

My ex would’ve easily slept through that. I once accidentally set the house alarm off at 6am, which in turn set the dogs off barking, and, as we didn’t use the bloody alarm, I had to rifle through a drawer to get the code to shut it up. About 10 minutes in total of a ridiculously loud alarm going off directly outside the open bedroom window, plus two dogs going crazy, and ex-dp slept through the entire thing! So it’s not as outlandish as it sounds to think the op’s dp slept through the dogs barking.

In regard to the keys in door thing, the police told me to take my keys up to bed with me, or leave them away from the door because of burglars; my fireman friend says leave them in the door or very accessible as in the event of a fire the last thing you’ll want to be doing is struggling to find them to get out the house. He says of a burglar is determined to get in, they will, keys or no keys, but a fire isn’t discerning and every second wasted trying to locate keys is potentially life threatening.

4 large dogs in a small 3 bed terrace plus a new baby??

We’ve got a Yale lock. Key on the outside, small lever on the inside. Never get keys stuck again. Only downside is you can accidentally lock yourself out if the door shuts and you haven’t got a spare key out there anywhere...

I think his story sounds plausible. I’m not saying it makes sense, or is justifiable - I just think that (1) people do stupid shit; and (2) he has previous form for this exact fuckup. In the absence of any other warning signs, this incident sounds more stupid and infuriating than malicious. The idea that he had someone else in the house and deliberately ignored all the noise to keep the OP out sounds like a half-baked soap-opera plot.

I’d guess his thinking at 5 am - on assuming that the op had taken refuge at a friend’s house, just like she had to last time - was along the lines of “oh shit, I’m in trouble. I’d better wait until a reasonable time before I risk waking her up with a text.”

@64BooLane he did say that he didn't want to wake me up as he thought I must have got to bed late anyway.

To all the people saying he must have done it on purpose - i have done it to my partner. We have front door and inside door that only locks from inside. I have just automatically locked it a few times and he has been locked out. Then i have been sound asleep.

Sometimes I have eventually heard the door bang and other times he has woken son who sleeps downstairs by banging on his window.

I am apologetic though!

Just left my alarm singing for 5-10 minutes and he snored straight through it.

This exact thing happened to a friend of mine a few years ago, except she wasn't pregnant. It was incredibly strange. Very similar to what has happened to you, right down to the partner slobbing around as if nothing was wrong and not being one iota concerned or apologetic. Or giving any good reason for why it happened, why he didn't hear

Sorry to say, it was the beginning of the end and they split up shortly afterwards, at her instigation. He didn't protest at all. We still aren't sure quite what was going on that night, and whether he did it deliberately or not. It was very weird.

So you have a partner who would not hear if your baby was screaming in pain or fear and something had happened to you or you weren't there.......how can you bear to live with someone who thinks a pathetic excuse makes everything ok?

DH and I have the same kind of locks and this happens several times a week both ways round. Usually we lock the door from inside and put the keys on a little table, this tends to go awry if we've opened the door for post, or to fetch something from the car and they get left in the lock. Neither of us has ever slept through the other knocking to get in though, although last time I was knocking and it was the cat who noticed then ran upstairs meowing and jumping on DH. We are both generally night time people though, DH is a heavy sleeper so I could see how this could happen, but he would be super apologetic. Also I definitely wouldn't gone to a friend's or my brother's (closer than parents) rather than slept in the car.

I also thought he must have had someone with him, but then that meant two people had to pretend they could sleep through 4 barking dogs, someone trying to break in with a screwdriver and stones being thrown at the window.

I slept through a neighbour hammering on my door at 3am recently. A pipe had burst and was threatening to bring the ceiling down and she didn't know where the stopcock was. She doesn't quite believe I didn't hear her.

I'm struggling to believe that people are making excuses for this man. His partner is pregnant and has a job that means she gets home late. But somehow he finds it acceptable that she cannot get access to their home at 11pm and has to sleep in the car, on a cold night. Seriously what sort of man shrugs his shoulders at this because he apparently slept through it all. In the OP's position I would be seriously considering my options for the future.

**Fire Services told us safest place for keys is in the back of the door

Perhaps advice has changed then because we were told (by the police after a burglary) not to leave keys in the back door.

The fire service told me to leave keys in/by the door, they also specifically said that the police say not to do this but they (fire service) think it's better to be robbed than die in a fire.

My brother would do this. He sleeps through dogs, kids, fire alarms. It’s not like it’s on purpose.
You need a change of locking system though, and he should have apologised straight after.

If, when he woke up in the office, he assumed you'd gone to stay with a friend, why was he then worried that you weren't in bed at 7 am?

If, when he woke up in the office, he assumed you'd gone to stay with a friend, why was he then worried that you weren't in bed at 7 am?

Good question.

So does this mean you can't leave him alone with the baby when it's here in the evening,?After all if he can't hear 3dogs,a phone and a frantic woman at the door then he's not going to hear a baby cry.

I left the latch /pull across bolt on the door by accident when dh was on lates.

I woke up by the phone ringing. Eventually. He had been ringing for over an hour over and over again. From a 24 supermarket where he knewsome one working nights who leant himhis mobile as he had been home, banged and shoutrd and kicked at door to wakr me, couldn't find a phone box and had left his mobile at home.

He did sound peeved. I was very tired in mydefence