To think catching up on much needed sleep isn’t about having a leisurely lie-in...

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Me and my husband have two children, a 4 year old and an 8 month old.

My husband sleeps in the spare room and has done for as long as I can remember because the baby wakes up on average about 3-4 times a night and we bed share as it’s the only way I can get any form of decent sleep.

My husband gets a good 8.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night.

If the 4 year old wakes up for any reason in the middle of the night, which maybe happens twice a week on average, it’s me he comes and wakes up. We have told him that if he needs anything in the night then he is to go into daddy’s room because daddy will help him, but it’s still me he comes in to and wakes.

I would say that on average I get 5 hours of broken sleep a night which when compared to my husband’s uninterrupted 8.5 hours is pretty rubbish but I accept that it’s just the way it is.

When the weekend comes my husband will get up with the children on both Saturday and Sunday mornings at about 6.30am so I can go back to bed for 2 hours so I can try and get some more sleep.

Yesterday evening I had some friends over and someone who I classed as a good friend started making snide comments about how no doubt I was going to be having the “lie-ins” again this weekend whilst my husband looked after the children and then started laughing at me in a way that inferred she wanted to embarrass me or imply I was lazy. I told her that every night I’m up countless times with the baby whilst my husband sleeps in the spare room and that as I get significantly less sleep and time away from the children in the week than my husband does he is happy for me to have two hours back in bed on the weekend mornings for both of those reasons.

She then rolled her eyes and said “Whatever you say Queen” and gave a smirk at one of our other friends.

She made me feel really crap about myself and the rest of the evening was pretty awkward. I spoke to my husband about it after they’d gone and he told me to just let it wash over me as their opinions on what suits us as a family are really not worth getting upset about.

AIBU to feel so disheartened though. I’m supposed to be seeing her again tomorrow as we’re taking our children to the park and I’m dreading it because now I feel like underneath our friendship she actually thinks quite little of me

Sounds like a tough day for you OP, I’m glad she has you to lean on for support.

Her response sounds normal. I went through the same thing, although there were no children involved i did live with my ex for a month while he lied to my face about the OW (only found out after we had moved from the rented place)

It's really hard and she may never understand what went wrong apart from that at the end of it they just weren't compatible and for whatever reason he felt the need to find solace in another woman. What she does need to do though is the best for her children and although I don't condone what he has done he is still the children's dad so she needs to not poison them over his actions.

Imo your husband did the right thing. He is your partner at the end of the day and you should be honest with each other and clearly have a relationship where you share things. When someone goes to tell me something they either know I will share it with my husband or I tell them that I will but then he knows not to tell someone else.

You are being a good friend. Wish I had more friends like you

I'm assuming your friend isn't on MN?! X

"She’s either an idiot or jealous. You have a system which works for your family, so that’s all good. "

I agree with the first part. I don't agree with the second. I don't think you have a system that works at all.
I don't know what sleep training you've previously done, but the amount of undisturbed sleep you are getting is simply not enough.

Hey OP, she isn't your friend. She's spiteful, probably jealous and I'd be inclined to keep my distance for a while. It isn't for her to judge how your family functions. Good luck to you xxx

(Tempted to tell her to fuck off and when she gets there, fuck off some more!!!)

Read the f*ing thread @pinkpantherpink.

My husband gets up with the dc every morning and let's me get some more sleep, he likes to spend that time with them before he goes to work and I spend the day looking after them and doing whatever needs doing around the house, if I get time. He also put a them to bed when he is here, he loves getting to spend time with them. When he is off it is the same, I get stay in bed for a bit longer, he sorts their breakfast, I get up later and do housework and feed everyone while he looks after the kids, if it's nice and we have money we go out. It works for us. Don't listen to her, it sounds to me like she is jealous because she doesn't get to do that.

I don't know what sleep training you've previously done, but the amount of undisturbed sleep you are getting is simply not enough.

I’m not anti-training as I did it with my first child but the current baby has a few minor health issues which cause him to wake at night and he often needs comfort feeds. Hopefully as his issues resolve somewhat I may be able to get more sleep......fingers crosssed anyway!

I'm sorry when I posted my previous post I hadn't RTFT. I'm sorry for you friend and you did the right thing telling her about the OW. I hope she gets through this ok and realises she hasn't done anything wrong, he has.

How undermining and spiteful of her. You could ignore, or cancel and cut her out, or explain why you're pissed off. Personally I tend to go for the explaining why I'm pissed off. Easier if you aren't sleep deprived, of course! I'm quite into 'the art of asking questions' and clearly 'naming' behaviours, as a way of resolving issues...eg, in this case, something like: 'you tried to undermine and humiliate me the other day when you said xxxxxx. I value your friendship so it would be useful to know why...' Make her explain, when she doesn't have an audience. Be prepared to drop her if the response is rubbish.

Ah, sorry. Hadn't read the last part of the thread. Sounds like you are handling it all really well OP.

Gosh my husband gets up every morning with the toddler whilst i feed the baby (who does sleep through!).and we snuggle down for an extra hour in bed!

Husband works 12 hours so im alone with both kids all day so he realises im knackered and needs an extra hour to function! I do get up on one of his days off so he gets a sleep in tho!

Another one who hadnt rtft!

Maybe I’ve created a thread where everyone is so infuriated by my initial post that the rage takes over and they simply have to post IMMEDIATELY to say how unreasonable my friend was

I’m glad I have provoked such raw emotion in people