Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think catching up on much needed sleep isn’t about having a leisurely lie-in...

214 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 21/04/2018 07:20

Me and my husband have two children, a 4 year old and an 8 month old.

My husband sleeps in the spare room and has done for as long as I can remember because the baby wakes up on average about 3-4 times a night and we bed share as it’s the only way I can get any form of decent sleep.

My husband gets a good 8.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night.

If the 4 year old wakes up for any reason in the middle of the night, which maybe happens twice a week on average, it’s me he comes and wakes up. We have told him that if he needs anything in the night then he is to go into daddy’s room because daddy will help him, but it’s still me he comes in to and wakes.

I would say that on average I get 5 hours of broken sleep a night which when compared to my husband’s uninterrupted 8.5 hours is pretty rubbish but I accept that it’s just the way it is.

When the weekend comes my husband will get up with the children on both Saturday and Sunday mornings at about 6.30am so I can go back to bed for 2 hours so I can try and get some more sleep.

Yesterday evening I had some friends over and someone who I classed as a good friend started making snide comments about how no doubt I was going to be having the “lie-ins” again this weekend whilst my husband looked after the children and then started laughing at me in a way that inferred she wanted to embarrass me or imply I was lazy. I told her that every night I’m up countless times with the baby whilst my husband sleeps in the spare room and that as I get significantly less sleep and time away from the children in the week than my husband does he is happy for me to have two hours back in bed on the weekend mornings for both of those reasons.

She then rolled her eyes and said “Whatever you say Queen” and gave a smirk at one of our other friends.

She made me feel really crap about myself and the rest of the evening was pretty awkward. I spoke to my husband about it after they’d gone and he told me to just let it wash over me as their opinions on what suits us as a family are really not worth getting upset about.

AIBU to feel so disheartened though. I’m supposed to be seeing her again tomorrow as we’re taking our children to the park and I’m dreading it because now I feel like underneath our friendship she actually thinks quite little of me Sad

OP posts:
Hygge · 21/04/2018 08:40

Could you be brave enough to text back "I'm not still asleep but you're still being a bitch" and see how that goes?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 21/04/2018 08:41

Reply , Sorry can't make park I will be sleeping.

BalloonSlayer · 21/04/2018 08:41

"I've been awake for ages but see you are still making the nasty comments. Will give park a miss thanks."

I clicked on this thinking that this would be about a comment DH has made but it was nice to see he is very supportive (I know, only as it should be, but still).

Macauley · 21/04/2018 08:42

I’m calling bullshit her kid has slept through from 4 months and she’s jealous that your husband is helping you get more sleep (it’s hardly a lie in!). It’s such a random thing to be snide over. I wouldn’t be going to the park with her either.

BalloonSlayer · 21/04/2018 08:42

Actually I prefer Hygge's version Grin

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/04/2018 08:43

I wish I had addressed it last night so there wouldn’t be this “what shall I do/say now” drama but she caught me off guard last night and my first reaction was to defend myself which is silly really as I shouldn’t have to.

I’m going to text her.

It’s hard when we’ve been friends for so long, plus we are part of the same friendship circle (there’s four of us who have all been friends since school) so I don’t want to cause any friction.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 21/04/2018 08:43

A few years ago we had a few friends that were either bloody miserable had full of negativity or. Snide.
An old acquaintance came into our lives after not seeing them for over20 years. Her and her partner are so full of energy and good vibes. We talked about a particular scenario, say something like your situation OP seperately to the different sets of friends.
The negative one dragged everything down and was full of doom and gloom. New friends listened to what was said, and was non critical and looked at the best outcome possible.

It was a lightbulb moment and the older friends were phased out. I haven't got the inclination to have my moods dragged down by happiness hoovers.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/04/2018 08:43

Loving these text suggestions!! Grin

OP posts:
MuddyForestWalks · 21/04/2018 08:43

Definitely reply with something like 'wind your fucking neck in, my sleeping patterns are none of your bloody business. I don't fancy meeting up with you when you're bitching at me. Maybe you're tetchy because you need some more sleep yourself? We'll rearrange when you're not being an arse to me.'

Mannix · 21/04/2018 08:50

Personally I would launch into a full on rant!

"Look, I could really do without more "jokey" comments about my sleeping patterns, I thought we'd covered this in detail last night but it seems that you're still banging on about it! DH and I are both completely happy with the arrangement, please stop making comments as you are really pissing me off. Why does it even matter to you?"

MargaretCavendish · 21/04/2018 08:51

Well, only reply with that if you don't want to ever see her again!

I'm also wondering why she even knows that you have a (well, a tiny bit of a!) lie-in at the weekend? I note your husband said to 'let it wash over you' - any chance that he had a bit of a moan about having to get up early and exaggerated? I guess if she thinks you lie in until the afternoon while he runs around doing everything... but even then it's none of her business!

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/04/2018 08:53

So I replied and said that after last night I felt confused about our friendship and that I would prefer to give the park a miss.

She then replied and just said, “please, I need to talk to you”.

No apology about last night though or acknowledgement of what happened Hmm

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 21/04/2018 08:55

Ditch her. People behave like that because they can get away with it.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/04/2018 08:56

note your husband said to 'let it wash over you' - any chance that he had a bit of a moan about having to get up early and exaggerated

Maybe my husband had moaned to her partner (they’re good friends) who in turn then told my friend?

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 21/04/2018 08:57

Hmm sounds like maybe she has stuff going on and it's coming out as bitchiness to people? If this is the first time in 20 years she has done something like this then I would probably go and see whats up. Frame it as "I did think something was wrong because you were so rude and bizarre and that isn't you"

Mannix · 21/04/2018 08:57

Maybe she wants to talk about it face to face rather than over text? Which is quite sensible.

MargaretCavendish · 21/04/2018 08:57

When you say 'after last night' did you just say that to her, or specify the comments? Because if so I suspect she may genuinely not know what you're talking about - she wasn't the one who got mocked and made to feel rubbish, so it won't have stuck out for her. I've been accused of making a cutting comment before (not as bitchy as your friend's) and been genuinely bewildered, because I'm sure I did say it, but I have no memory of it because it was a throwaway, clearly ill-judged, joke.

Mannix · 21/04/2018 08:58

After her reply, I would go to the park.

Highhorse1981 · 21/04/2018 09:01

Your definition of “friend” is very very very different to mine.

elfies · 21/04/2018 09:01

She's not a friend

Tinkobell · 21/04/2018 09:02

Cancel your social and tell her why. Say you felt ridiculed and put out by her untimely remarks. Uncalled for. Say you're annoyed and it's better if the dust settles a few weeks....then let her call, or not.
What you and your DH ado in your home to manage getting sleep with young kids is your business and yours alone. Maybe you've been too profligate giving too much info to a judgmental type....learn from that experience.
My DH and I have teens now but I do recall a complete night time merrygoround of bed hopping in the early years. It's not unusual, just part of the course. Good luck!

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally · 21/04/2018 09:02

I'd text back: Fine, I'll see you at the park then. But I do need to say that if you start making snippy comments about me "sleeping in" then I will leave. I was quite hurt and upset by your behaviour last night.

Be honest and open about it. No point in beating about the bush. She doesn't get to be snotty to you and then use you as an emotional crutch because she has issues - friendship is supposed to be based on mutual like and respect.

notacooldad · 21/04/2018 09:02

Why are you being whishy washy with sentences like 'I'm confused'
You had a chance to stand up for yourself and deal with it once and for all. Personally I would have said ' name, you were bloody awful last night. What the hell was that about?

Was drink involved last night?

Hermagsjesty · 21/04/2018 09:02

Maybe she wants to apologise in person...? If you’ve been friends a long time, maybe her unnecessary snideness was because she has issues of her own...? It’s definitely not on you though, your sleeping arrangements are absolutely fine and sensible (and non of her business). I’m just wondering if she has reasons of her own for being such a bitch about it...

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 21/04/2018 09:03

No I didn’t expand on what “happened last night” but nor did she ask when she replied.

I’ve said I will meet her at 11.

I can’t imagine she’d want to talk about anything important though seeing as we will have all the children with us.

I told my husband about it and he said I should definitely meet her as she obviously has something she wants to say to me.

OP posts: