To think catching up on much needed sleep isn’t about having a leisurely lie-in...

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Me and my husband have two children, a 4 year old and an 8 month old.

My husband sleeps in the spare room and has done for as long as I can remember because the baby wakes up on average about 3-4 times a night and we bed share as it’s the only way I can get any form of decent sleep.

My husband gets a good 8.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night.

If the 4 year old wakes up for any reason in the middle of the night, which maybe happens twice a week on average, it’s me he comes and wakes up. We have told him that if he needs anything in the night then he is to go into daddy’s room because daddy will help him, but it’s still me he comes in to and wakes.

I would say that on average I get 5 hours of broken sleep a night which when compared to my husband’s uninterrupted 8.5 hours is pretty rubbish but I accept that it’s just the way it is.

When the weekend comes my husband will get up with the children on both Saturday and Sunday mornings at about 6.30am so I can go back to bed for 2 hours so I can try and get some more sleep.

Yesterday evening I had some friends over and someone who I classed as a good friend started making snide comments about how no doubt I was going to be having the “lie-ins” again this weekend whilst my husband looked after the children and then started laughing at me in a way that inferred she wanted to embarrass me or imply I was lazy. I told her that every night I’m up countless times with the baby whilst my husband sleeps in the spare room and that as I get significantly less sleep and time away from the children in the week than my husband does he is happy for me to have two hours back in bed on the weekend mornings for both of those reasons.

She then rolled her eyes and said “Whatever you say Queen” and gave a smirk at one of our other friends.

She made me feel really crap about myself and the rest of the evening was pretty awkward. I spoke to my husband about it after they’d gone and he told me to just let it wash over me as their opinions on what suits us as a family are really not worth getting upset about.

AIBU to feel so disheartened though. I’m supposed to be seeing her again tomorrow as we’re taking our children to the park and I’m dreading it because now I feel like underneath our friendship she actually thinks quite little of me

Look at how defensive your thread title is. Who cares if you have a lie in? Its no one else's business.
Take your husband's advice and let her comments go. She isnt a friend, her comments are irrelevant. Don't get caught up in her drama. Dont start to question your relationship over this.

I think DailyMailLovestheEU’s wording above is really good. If you do see her, I wouldn’t get into justifying or explaining the reasons for your family sleep up - make sure she understands the problem is nothing to do with whether you lie in or not, it’s about her being mocking and being unkind about something personal that’s nothing to do with her.

She's talking out of her 'hole.

As we have a little baby, DP always gets up with the toddler and lets me stay in bed. He also tries to get me to go to bed in the afternoon when the baby is asleep.

Which is great and supportive and I'm lucky - but it's not his fault that 2 hours snatched here and there is simply not the same as an unbroken night. It just isn't.

Your friend should try walking in your shoes/sleeping in your bed for a month or two. She'll soon STFU.

You need new friends.

I find it odd your friends know this tiny mundane thing about your family routine . I’m pretty sure none of my friends know my weekend routine. Next time, no need to share too many details about how you do things.

Maybe don’t get drawn into “I need to talk to you” drama.

If she’d said “ah ok, I’m sorry - it would be good to talk face to face if you change your mind,” then it would seem only fair to go along and clear the air. But “Please, I need to talk to you” with no acknowledgement that she’s upset you, is just vague and irritating, and putting herself at the centre of the thing. Does she need to talk to you so much that it overrides your simple preference not to go today? I doubt it. She wants to talk to you.

I could be wrong, I'm usually more forgiving. I’m feeling uncharitable this morning. Lack of sleep!

So she’s a total bitch to you, makes you feel shit and you still jump to her tune?
If she wants a friend to talk to she should treat her friends better.

By the way, well done for not flipping last night and having a show down ....I think that's very self controlled! It's good that you didn't dignify the snidiness. But down hang out with people that go doing that...she owes you a proper face to face apol and a bunch of flowers I'd say...at the least!

Her reply was interesting though. Sounds like there may be more to this. Listen to what she has to say and take the opportunity to tell her how you feel.

It’s just really out of character for her. It would be different if she was always making snide comments and just generally being a cow in a passive aggressive way but she isn’t like that at all, hence why I was so taken aback.

I’m definitely going to talk to her about it, I’m going to let her know how upset I was but I’m not sure it’s enough to write off 20 years of friendship especially without even talking to her about it first.

And to who asked upthread, no there wasn’t any alcohol involved as she was driving.

Sorry....just re-read that YOU hosted the evening. What a fucking cheek she's got. Nasty woman.

8.30am is not a lie in, especially when you have broken sleep every night. Dh and i each have til 10am one weekend day a week and our dc sleep great (3 abd 6).

You know your friend. She's never been like this before in 20 years. I think the posters on here telling you to ditch the friendship are the bitchy ones..

When you meet tell her how hurt you were. That's all. We all make mistakes sometimes.

Right. You let her call you. Don't go trotting. Her use of the word "Queen" really bloody rude. I'd be so angry in your shoes.

I think you’re being a bit of a drama queen to be honest.

She hasn’t got form for this stuff so it’s entirely possible that she was joking. In fact, I’d say that’s more likely based on her first text this morning - like she thinks it’s now a running joke.

Fair enough if you don’t like it but all you have to do is say that instead of all this nonsense about being confused and meeting to hear what she has to say.

And thinking your friends all think it too because they didn’t text you about it behind her back! Maybe they’re just adults who don’t want to get involved in someone else’s spat!

People on here get so offended and apparently end friendships so quickly, I’m surprised anyone has a friend left!

Also good to remember that if you give people details on your life, they might discuss them!

Her use of the word "Queen" really bloody rude. I'd be so angry in your shoes.

The use of the word Queen is in relation to my MN Username. She used my real name in real life

Her use of the word "Queen" really bloody rude. I'd be so angry in your shoes.

Um...That’s OP’s username!

@Charley50 - big fat oi! That's out of order.
I've got friends I've had for a few years and also 30 years! Raising kids is really hard...at all stages, young, special needs, finances you name it. Nice mum friends have camaraderie. Humiliation, public snidiness are not part of it. People need support and sympathy....EVEN if inside you might actually disagree with a persons approach, you don't go doing that! Especially if they've hosted ffs.

I'm not sure I would have agreed to meet with her this morning without an apology, but if she doesn't have form for this, perhaps something is up.

Good luck with your meet up, OP.

It was obvious I was upset by her comments and I was kind of expecting/hoping that one of our other friends who were there would have rang or text me to check I was ok but they didn’t - so now I’m wondering if they all think it and talk about it behind my back. Either they didn't notice you were upset (and unless you burst into tears, they probably didn't) or they thought it would blow over and stirring it up by phoning you wouldn't be helpful. Incredibly unlikely that they think the same as spiteful friend.

Whatever she privately thinks, as a friend she should not give voice to it. And even nasty to "play to the audience". Sorry that a friend of 20 years has been so nasty.

@Tinkobell - I know raising kids is hard. That's why it's brilliant to have friends. I don't agree with the many people saying ditch a long running friendship over one remark.
For all we know, it's op's husband having a moan behind her back, and this was friends way of 'warning' her. Or friend's partner is abusive and friend is very jealous. Who knows?

Anyway I have to get up now.

In your shoes I would have hoped that my husband would intervene if a 'friend' was making a critical comment in relation to parenting.

Along the lines of X does all the hard work of dealing with broken nights during the week. It's exhausting. Making sure she has a small amount of catch-up time at the weekends is the very least I can do.

I think you and your husband should also work together to try and stop the older child coming to you in the night. (My partner and I did a star chart with rewards for a similar problem.)

I think if your family life worked a little bit better, it might be easier to cope with the 'friend's' comments. Although a good friend will also want to know if she's upset you. Perhaps it is also time to start doing something new where you meet other women who could become friends.

Come back and let us know what she says OP. Good luck!

She sounds incredibley jealous, I would just eye roll if she mentions it again and say inn a soft, princess voice ‘i Know, I’m SO lucky Dh LOVES me SO much. I just feel like this is how marriage is supposed to be, he’s SOOOOOO caring.’ There is no comeback!
But I am a goady cow at the best of times.

Why does she care what your sleeping habits are? Weird