No one is OBLIGED to give a gift. It is a choice to give one or not. That said, it is very USUAL to give something.
So yes, whilst it is true that people don't or shouldn't have weddings with the purpose of receiving gifts and brides and grooms cannot require gifts, it is also usual when hosting a big day out, to receive gifts and unusual not to.
Some kind of gift is usual and when accepting someone's hospitality (and as has been mentioned, this was a couple of meals, lots of booze and canapés - very luxurious hospitality) one would usually give a gift, even if there was no list - it is not beyond the wit of people to choose something even without a list.
When there is no list or suggestion however, many people lack imagination or organisation and the result is then lots of bottles of pro secco or champagne or similar.....and these are perfectly acceptable gifts. So a gift is usual and absence of any gift rather surprising and probably outside the social norms we would expect, but any gift should be acceptable.
MN can be funny about giving hosts gifts - it comes up with dinner parties too - people saybtheybwant tomgomfor a 3 course meal at someone's house and not take Anything and hosts cannot expect anything......well again, there can never be a hard and fast expectation, but that is different tomobserving social norms and niceties - and in my view, when someone puts themselves out for you and hosts a lovely meal or a wedding, it's nice and usual to give something in appreciation, even if it's small. Those who say that attending a wedding is already expensive etc etc are right, but no-one is obliged to go and again, a small gift is fine. If as a guest you feel annoyed by the cost or being invited in the first place and being there (and lots of MNers seem to see being at weddings as a chore not a pleasure) then simply don't go. If you are there, accepting hospitality, a small gift would be usual social behaviour.
Reasons why people might not give include;
- being disorganised
- lacking imagination
- shortage of funds
- purposely refusing to give a gift - passive aggressive thing
- being v young and so not realising it's the norm
Apart from the last, the others are disappointing. Weddings do not usually occur without notice and failure to even manage to get a bottle of something, suggests the wedding and the bride and groom really are lowdown on people's radars. I don't really think the shortage of funds is a genuine reason, when a very small cheap gift or even something homemade would be fine and bearing in mind plenty of notice is given of weddings - even someone very hard up would scrape together £5 for a bottle if they really wanted to.......so there might be lots of excuses given for why people might not give a gift on this thread, and yes, there can never be an expectation,mbut at the same time, to think it's usual or okay to accept hospitality in the region of over £100 per head and to think it's normal or usual to turn up empty handed and not to WANT to show appreciation in some way (and this could also take the form of having made a wedding cake or travelled abroad for the wedding etc) just suggests a lack of social graces and awareness to me - we do live in a society where we shownappreciationntonhosts through gifts, however small....and when the hospitality is significant,mas at weddings, to not do so, simply indicates failure to understand social behaviour in my view - either through ignorance, or choice on one level or another - possibly laziness or in an intended way - either of which are disappointing in our friends and family,mso I can see why host was disappointed. She could not expect and demand gifts, but she could expect normal social behaviour from friends and family and when it's not forthcoming, it is disappointing,me specially when you have put yourselves out to provide a big occasion.