Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to think mother of son’s classmate shouldn’t have grabbed him?

572 replies

MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:11

My son has shown some spiteful behaviour towards his class. He has ADHD and ASD. His behaviour is definitely getting harder to manage in a mainstream setting.

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/04/2018 17:13

And?

Original poster
MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:13

Grrr a pop up came up and I tried to close but it posted.

He has been quite violent to one girl which is being specifically managed at this time but on the walk home from school the girl’s mother grabbed him by his blazer and shouted at him.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 19/04/2018 17:13

You haven't really explained what happened though?

KT63 · 19/04/2018 17:13

Nobody should grab him. Ever. If recognised (and non aggressive) restraint is needed by trained members of staff, that’s different but no, she shouldn’t have grabbed him.
Are you able to give context without outing yourself? (I’m not judgy, my 3 and I are autistic)

Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 17:14

Omg! What did you do? How old is he?

KT63 · 19/04/2018 17:14

Just read your update. School aren’t managing this effectively. I can understand her frustration and anger but no, she shouldn’t have grabbed him.

Original poster
MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:14

Sorry guys, new to the site and trying to work my way around.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 19/04/2018 17:15

No she shouldn't have but what do you mean by he's been violent towards the other womans daughter? You can kind of see how the mother may have lost it if it was really bad (eventhough it's not right)

ineedamoreadultieradult · 19/04/2018 17:15

Did you see this or is this just what he has told you? If it's true then of course she shouldn't have grabbed him and you should report the incident to the school.

BarbarianMum · 19/04/2018 17:15

Legally, she shouldn't have grabbed him, she should have called the police. But if he's over 10 I can certainly see why she was tempted.

Original poster
MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:16

He’s 11 and in first year secondary (almost 12). It’s been quite hard all the change but it does seem to just be getting worse

OP posts:
GrooovyLass · 19/04/2018 17:16

No, it's not ok. I say this as a parent of a child who was bullied and I would have very much liked to do that but never in a million years actually would I have.

How old is he?

KT63 · 19/04/2018 17:17

I shouted at the NT child who had waged a campaign of bullying against my autistic son (for 18 months) after he battered him. I’m now bound over to keep the peace for 2 years and he got fuck all.

JacquesHammer · 19/04/2018 17:17

Absolutely not ok. I think the only time it would ever be acceptable would be if there was an imminent risk to either party

JenBarber · 19/04/2018 17:17

I feel for her. Must be horrendous watching your kid be assaulted.

She should've called the police but I can see how she'd lose her cool.

abigamarone · 19/04/2018 17:19

Was she reacting to something he was doing when she grabbed his blazer?
How is he behaving violently towards her daughter.

Piffle11 · 19/04/2018 17:19

I would need to know what sort of person she is ... is she the sort that acts first and thinks later? Some people go steaming in straight away: or has this been building up and she's just lost it? Obviously either way she shouldn't have grabbed him. His behaviour is clearly due to the ASD (I have 2 on the spectrum) but has she lost it because it keeps happening and the school aren't handling it well?

Original poster
MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:19

Call the police? Why? It’s being managed in school.

He’s been shoving people a lot at the moment, she seems to be a main target due to how loud she is. Not saying that makes it ok at all just explaining the situation. It’s a trigger for him. We are trying

OP posts:
KT63 · 19/04/2018 17:21

School are not managing it well enough. For your son or other children. If his triggers aren’t being recognised and strategies being put in place by the school, they are failing in their duty of care to your child and to other children too.

I really really find myself hoping that this doesn’t turn into one of “those” threads.

Original poster
MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:21

He walks with headphones on the way home, it keeps him calm. Unless they were tampered with, he wouldn’t have been doing anything at the time.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 19/04/2018 17:22

*Call the police? Why? It’s being managed in school.

He’s been shoving people a lot at the moment, she seems to be a main target due to how loud she is. Not saying that makes it ok at all just explaining the situation. It’s a trigger for him. We are trying*

Well clearly it's not being handled very well if it's still happening. I'd be livid if my child was getting physically hurt in school by the same person all the time.

Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 17:22

I hope this thread stays oktoo. She shouldn’t have touched him, but clearly school are letting them both down.

Idontdowindows · 19/04/2018 17:23

It’s being managed in school.

No, they're not. No, that mother should not have grabbed your son, but it's blooming understandable if her daughter is consistently targeted by your son.

She probably sees that school is not managing this and is getting frustrated herself.

Original poster
MissOlivier · 19/04/2018 17:23

Yes, I’m sure they are livid and all I can do is apologise on behalf of my son, but to grab an 11 year old who has autism?

OP posts:
Bigpharmafemme · 19/04/2018 17:23

and by the sounds of it you need to rethink the journey home too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread