AIBU to think mother of son’s classmate shouldn’t have grabbed him?

[MissOlivier]

My son has shown some spiteful behaviour towards his class. He has ADHD and ASD. His behaviour is definitely getting harder to manage in a mainstream setting.

OP don’t get this thread moved to the SN topic, start a new one.

What an awful situation to be in for both parties.
The mother should not have put her hands on your son. If I was in the mothers position i would tell the school to move my daughter from your sons class and if failing that i would remove my child from school.
The school is letting the children down. Your son is not getting the support he desperately needs for the protection of himself and his classmates.

OP I would actually have this thread deleted and post a whole new one in the SN board. Otherwise you’ll have these same ignorant fuckwits commenting on it.

I have every sympathy for those dealing with autism but it can't be used as reason to allow someone to continually make someone's else's life a misery

Firstly, we don’t need your faux “right on” sympathy, secondly, your statement is unbelievably ironic given that your ignorance and determination to condemn makes life harder for any autistic person. So you’re more of a bully than OPs child.

So even if he is sitting away from her he will get up out of his seat and go to her in order to hurt her? His SEN assistant needs to be with him at all times in that case. He shouldn’t be getting the chance to walk over to her to hurt her.

I was wondering about this too. If he's sitting away from the other kids, is he actually walking over to shove her?

Your son was assaulted if his blazer was damaged. It's not acceptable and is against the law.

If you knew his behaviour and condition was not being managed by the school, I think you should have done more to pressurise the school before it got to this stage.

The other mothers act was wrong but I do have some sympathy for her. She's only human and her child was being repeatedly attacked. In your shoes I'd be angry but I hope I would be forgiving towards the other mom (although not the school).

@bonbonlavie find the post where I in any way said the girl being hit was acceptable? Or that it was her own fault? Or that it should be allowed to continue? You won’t, because I didn’t. What I said (many, many times) is that it is the responsibility of the school to ensure the safety of their pupils, by managing OPs DSs behaviour and triggers using recognised strategies.

Bonbonlavie you just said

“Vile because I think he shouldnt be allowed to continually hit another child? hmm

Only on mumsnet.”

Are you hard of thinking?

Bigpharmafemme
"Dadshere that’s bullshit AGAIN." No, you just have a different opinion

"What you’re effectively saying is that children can only be included if they need to same support as everyone else. This child has a DISABILITY. So he needs MORE support to access the same education."

No, any child can attend any school, as long as they are not disrupting the education of EVERY OTHER STUDENT. Just because a child has autism, it does not give them the right to endanger the safety and education of EVERY OTHER STUDENT, his rights do not trump EVERY OTHER STUDENT'S rights. Clearly his own actions are stopping him from accessing the education, so he needs a different setting, more appropriate to his needs.

"For fucks sake it isn’t a difficult concept." No it isn't yet you still seem to struggle with it.

Kt63 apparently there are posters out there who get off on blaming people with disabilities and winding up those who defend them. Cheap thrills innit.

Bigpharmafemme

he has an EHCP, so the school must do everything it can!

Yes it does, in fact it means that the schools often have to do more than they are able.

For her to actually damage his blazer at the collar, she would have literally have had to swing him round by it, surely?

Or was the collar slightly damaged already?

I'm not saying what she did was right by the way, just trying to make sense of it.

Also, you say he walks along with headphones in? Could she have grabbed him to get his attention?

Dadshere you’re missing the point. No one is saying he has the right to hurt anyone or endanger anyone.

And if this child was properly suppprted then THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN.

Boneybackjackson if the school cannot support what’s in his plan then they have a duty to go back to the LA, not bumble along.

KT63

What is happening here is a load of people who know the square root of fuck all about autism are justifying a grown woman attacking a child

Personally , I would go to the police then use that to try and get the school to get more support in place.

Thorneyhousewife

“Aye, because you can beat and scare autism away, can’t you?”

People are saying it's understandable not acceptable.

Even a court of law would consider mitigating circumstances and have some sympathy for this woman.

He’s been shoving people a lot at the moment, she seems to be a main target due to how loud she is. Not saying that makes it ok at all just explaining the situation. It’s a trigger for him. We are trying

Please stop with the victim blaming. She is not a trigger for him assaulting her, and saying she is is completely unacceptable.

The way she behaves may trigger distress in him but that does not excuse her being assaulted. If he cannot manage his distress then the school need to ensure they manage your son in a way that means he can no longer assault her or anyone else. You say school are managing it, but if another child is being assaulted (and reatedly so) - then no they are not.

I understand the situation is difficult for you but stop blaming the victim of assault by saying that she triggers her assaults.

If I was in the mothers position i would tell the school to move my daughter from your sons class and if failing that i would remove my child from school.

What, why should the girl have to move schools!?

Bigpharmafemme

if the school cannot support what’s in his plan then they have a duty to go back to the LA, not bumble along.

How do you know that they are "bumbling along". The school could be doing all-sorts that we know nothing about.

He isn’t being “violent” housewife, or at least not the way you or I understand the word.

Pleasant thing to catch up on this evening. Marvellous!

@Bigpharmafemme ain’t that the truth! I left here a while ago because of MNHQ’s determination to allow this shit to stand. I’m now regretting coming back!

@dadshere and the right of a child with a disability?

Yes it does, in fact it means that the schools often have to do more than they are able

So what should happen next then? Able my arse. More than they can be bothered to do.

Autism cannot be used as an excuse for bad behaviour, it is black and white. Either the student is able to attend classes without being violent and endangering other students, or they are not. If they are, all good. If they are not, the student needs removing for the safety of the other students, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

This is wrong! The school should be managing the situation so that the girl is safe and the boy is also safe from creating the disturbance.
The methods they use to do this could be varied eg. ensuring the two are separated in all classes, ensuring that either the boy or girl enters the classroom later so they are not together in the corridor. The boy could be spoken to so he understands about his behaviour, and that it won't be tolerated (bring in parents if necessary). But equally he could be given a "leave the room card" for when he becomes overwhelmed. Also removing him to a safe space could be both punishment and a way of keeping them apart.

But the Mother was totally unreasonable.

Basically the school needs to ensure the safety of all students