To be absolutely sick of being a mum

[Anonmcnon]

I’m sick of the defiance, the not doing things until the 20th request, the constant noise and bickering, the meltdowns over homework, the joyless drudgery of keeping the house tidy/clean only for it to be messed up almost immediately.

I’m sick of the pressures from school, the endless worry about kids not doing well enough, the guilt that i’m not doing enough work at home with them. The guilt that i’m doing too much with them and ruining their childhood.
The guilt that i’m too unmotivated to play with them, read to them etc.
The constant grinding guilt of failing them as all i do is shout and moan.

If i’d known it would be like this i would have known my limitations and stayed childless.
I’m tired of reading parenting books and not finding any solutions.
Can anyone relate to feeling like a completely useless parent?

Days like today, I do. It will go. With first bottle glass of Prosecco

Yes, me. Having a bad day today but after finding out that my 3.9 yr old got her first choice primary school yesterday, today I find out that the after school club don’t take them until they’re 5 ie when my daughter will be going into year 1. I’m a teacher working part time and therefore I’m not around to pick her up half the week and I’ve spent the afternoon shouting at anyone who will listen “WHAT THE FUCK DO OTHER WORKING PARENTS WITH YOUNG IN THE YEAR KIDS DO?!!!!”

I’m tired of the relentless grind too- as you say immediately I tidy up its a fucking shit hole again and it’s always noisy and hard work.

I love my daughters beyond measure but sometimes I look around and I think “this is so fucking stressful”.

Solidarity.

How old are your children?

9 and 6. One is a bit of a nightmare. Not sure if its him or me!

OP, get your kids to help more, lighten up and focus on the good stuff. You're just having a bad day.

Childminder Fell?

It's more of a bad 2 years really. I'm not depressed, just unhappy.

Is it just one of those days or do you regularly feel like this?

Parenting is tough as fuck and you never actually stop being a parent even when they've left the nest.

Do you have a partner or someone to share the burden with?

Totally relate. You're having a bad day. Tomorrow will be better.

the guilt that i’m not doing enough work at home with them. The guilt that i’m doing too much with them and ruining their childhood.

Yes to this

And the endless mess and the endless washing.

If i’d known it would be like this i would have known my limitations and stayed childless.

But YABU with this because you are having a shitty day but you know they are worth it really. The things you have listed don't matter to them and they are happy and loved which is all that really matters.

In all honesty, I found parenting young children very hard and I didn't like a lot of it. My kids are now 12 and 15 and it's so much easier, but unfortunately I can't remember really when it became easier.

The homework thing is a really killer.

Yes. I think most of us have days like that, I know I do.

Are you feeling like this every day or just every so often?

We Home educate so the school stress isn’t there for us any more, early school morning runs, homework, brIng 50p and have crazy hair day, bring an empty jam jar day, source a costume for tomorrow because your parents dont have enough to do day, etc. Obviously it brings a totally different set of worries but these are more manageable for me.

My son is 8 with disabilities and it scares me shitless that I’ll have to be his carer until I die, he also can’t attend school so I’d say enjoy the time they’re at school, plan a future for when they’re at uni and have a child free room and child free time in your routine

I am 100% with you op.
Mine are 13,11 and 11.

Oh no I thought by the time my 2 girls were 6 and 9 it would be easier , they are currently 2 and 5, feel exactly like you!
YANBU - parents should have compulsory annual leave from kids at least a few weeks a year and that includes day and night

Oh and don’t do homework, it’s not a legal requirement.
Think about the demands placed on them and is it worth the defiance?

Most days lately. The holidays were particularly tough.
I do have a supportive partner. Although I'm not sure he ever really get the 'guilt' thing!
I just feel it's all so joyless. I have little sense of humour or patience these days.

Chanting 'This too will pass' gets me through the worst. That and red wine.

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done and it doesn't get easier. Giving yourself a break and not always blaming yourself for the way they behave is key to keeping going.

Also cherishing the good moments. When you can.

This is really why I posted. I have friends who i can talk to but I can't be this honest for fear of being judged. It's the feeling that the bad outweighs the good that I'm struggling with. I find no satisfaction or pleasure in it! It's very sad actually.

Fell - I'm sure you realise it but you're already in a much much better position than the majority of working parents who don't have the school holidays covered either and for whom a club stopping at 5 isn't that much of a help!

Are you at work op?

When do you get time for you? Gym, relaxing, going out with friends, reading a book, bath, etc. What I mean is, are you looking after yourself?

Sometimes the holidays can bring out a sort of cabin fever which makes everyone a bit angsty. The guilt thing is something you should let go of - you will never win that battle - damned if you do, damned if you don't.

They are developing their personalities now and you can have the most random and interesting conversations with them. Do they generally get along?

Don't martyr yourself to having the cleanest house in the street. A few crumbs here or there or a random sock in the corner isn't a sign of impending armageddon.

We all have days like this where it feels absolutely relentless. On another note there is something to be said for those that in hindsight would have remained childless so if that's how you genuinely feel I won't patronise you by saying 'it's one of those things'. Children are essentially a bit like parasites - a drain on everything you have - money, energy, time etc...

head the club won’t take her DD until she is 5

the joyless drudgery of keeping the house tidy/clean only for it to be messed up almost immediately

Totally hear you on this one. Genuinely don't even mind doing housework but it's so soul destroying to clean and tidy to see it all back to square one virtually straight away.

I have friends with no children who live in spotlessly clean, immaculate houses. It dawned on me that I probably do more cleaning in one day then they do in a week

Totally sympathise. Mine are 2 & 6 and most days I feel utterly exhausted and worn down by it. The youngest doesn't sleep and then when awake is full on and the eldest seems to talk for England, constantly ask for me to watch this, do this, make this etc. with the added stresses of school runs, homework, packed lunches etc. I'm worn down by cleaning and tidying constantly and doing their meals with no appreciation. I'm a single parent so it all falls on me and some days I just feel a bit sorry for myself that my whole day has been devoted to the needs of two people who don't ever seem grateful.

No help or advice as such but just to let you know that you aren't alone.

I try to seek comfort in the "this too shall pass" and long for a bit of independance and freedom back one day whilst at the same time feeling incredibly guilty wishing these years away!