To be absolutely sick of being a mum

[Anonmcnon]

I’m sick of the defiance, the not doing things until the 20th request, the constant noise and bickering, the meltdowns over homework, the joyless drudgery of keeping the house tidy/clean only for it to be messed up almost immediately.

I’m sick of the pressures from school, the endless worry about kids not doing well enough, the guilt that i’m not doing enough work at home with them. The guilt that i’m doing too much with them and ruining their childhood.
The guilt that i’m too unmotivated to play with them, read to them etc.
The constant grinding guilt of failing them as all i do is shout and moan.

If i’d known it would be like this i would have known my limitations and stayed childless.
I’m tired of reading parenting books and not finding any solutions.
Can anyone relate to feeling like a completely useless parent?

Missed out a vital point.
They don't even live with me and still they wind me up and exasperate the life out of me.

Bloody hell, I was about to start an exact same thread. I have an adorable 3 year old but today I just feel like crying with the stress and boredom of my days. I’m a sahm which I don’t think is helping plus I’m 32 weeks pregnant. Can’t believe some days that i’ve willingly signed up for more of this parenting lark. I should be counting my blessings that I have a healthy and happy child and another one on the way. The guilt I feel for not thinking that today is overwhelming. I’m just trying to focus on today being a shit day and tomorrow being better (keeps fingers crossed).

My toddler made me cry yesterday! He is insanely exhausting at the moment.

It is relentless. I had to resort to giving him the tablet today. Or I would have had a breakdown.

For you OP

yes 25 and 21

I'm worn out. Nothing left.

Totally with you on this, but no parenting books will help you. You sound like your doing okay. If your kids are happy that’s all that matters.
Sometimes I sit and fant@size all the things I could do without children but then I think of them and realise they are all I need. It’s okay to feel down. It’s part of growing stronger.

I could easily write your post most days - you're not alone

Lower your standards.
The house doesn't need to be immaculate all the time.
You can have non homemade meals.
You don't need it do activities with the kids all the time - pretend it's 1980.

I feel constantly useless, disorganised, as though my brain will explode and as though the house of cards is going to fall any moment. I'm absolutely drained. And totally skint. Mine are 8 and 3. I'm with you.

This ^^ is me too. They get worse as they get older - demanding, ungrateful and whiny as fuck.

You have my complete sympathy. There are days that are just appalling.

I've just spent my evening replacing ds's complete sports kit that he lost, and my reward... he hates me because he couldn't have the trainers he wanted because he can't tie shoe laces, and apparently that's my fault.
I'm on glass no. 3, bugger the diet.

Oh, pages moved on so quickly - mine are middle aged!

Oh yes. Mine are 10, 7 and 4. I've just spent two hours with DS1 (he's dyspraxic and has attention issues), trying to gut his room as I've decided to invest in a cleaner to take some of the weight.
It's only their first day back at school and I'm knackered again. Work is stressful for both DH and I too. I do have great friends I can offload to though.

Why do you define yourself as a mum by doing all the drudgery that is making you so miserable you could get mentally ill?

I suggest you have a meeting around the kitchen table with your family and ask them to list all the things they enjoy doing and what they want to do.

Then get a list of all the things that need doing daily, weekly, monthly and ask them to initial what they want to do.

Tell them that through team effort they can get to do what they love to do.

They need to do their jobs in order to work towards getting what they enjoy doing (even if it is watching a tv programme or going on the ipad)

No x until y and z is done.

Be firm, keep calm, keep your sense of humour!

I feel your pain, I really do. My 2 DDs (14 and 9) constantly argue and shout. The younger one is a carbon copy of the older one. The younger one winds the older one up. The older one constantly belittles the younger one and has no patience, but she forgets she was that age once.

Tonight the 3 of us sat down to dinner that I'd spent time cooking. As soon as we sat down the older one criticised the younger one so a full blown argument erupted. I told them twice to simmer down and then (literally) bit my lip while I was eating.

I then left the room and burst into tears. They both came and found me and apologised. At least they are at the age where they see that their behaviour is not acceptable and that I find it very upsetting and stressful. I expect the arguments will start again tomorrow though.

Did I... did I write this?

YANBU

When does the guilt stop? I feel guilty everyday, worrying if I'm making the right decisions for them. If I'm a bit grumpy or snappy, I feel guilty for days on end.

I keep thinking back to the days when I lived on my own and my house was so so so clean and tidy and quiet...then of course I feel guilty for thinking that.

I do think they deserve a nicer, more capable parent. It's a shame for them.
You are being hard on yourself. All they want is you. They don't care if the house is tidy or if you are organised. They love you unconditionally at this age. Relax and prioritise what has to be done and don't beat yourself up about the things that don't matter

Are you me? Was glad to be back at work after quality time with the kids over Easter!

Glad it’s not just me. I found the Easter holidays utterly exhausting, did not manage any meaningful trips or activities, and still feel incredibly pissed off at everything.

And yes, yes to the tidying/cleaning being undone immediately. So soul-destroying.

I hear you. It can be totally relentless, but then they do something that melts your heart (usually sleep )

I have 5 children and I'm a teacher, so no escape from kids whatsoever

I think the easter holidays were particularly tough because we were all stuck in the house with rubbish weather. Lots of my mum friends felt the same.

It does get easier OP, make some time for you 🍷🍰

OP, I have 4 dc’s including triplets and it has been hard work every step of the way. My girls are all in their late teens now and it does get better.

Hi OP. I think you sound bored and unfulfilled and need another outlet for yourself other than the domestic drudgery. Do you work outside the home? Have hobbies or study or go out to anything? You need something to get ‘you’ back. I think you sound fed up and grumpy because you are frustrated and unfulfilled. Your DCs will feel this and that’s why they play up. What would you like to do in life?

Greenyogagirl completely emphathise with the OP and in no way taking away from her how she feels, but what you describe is another level of hard. Normal parenting fears plus a tonne more on top. Sending you a ‘special needs parent’ fist bump 👊.