To be absolutely sick of being a mum

[Anonmcnon]

I’m sick of the defiance, the not doing things until the 20th request, the constant noise and bickering, the meltdowns over homework, the joyless drudgery of keeping the house tidy/clean only for it to be messed up almost immediately.

I’m sick of the pressures from school, the endless worry about kids not doing well enough, the guilt that i’m not doing enough work at home with them. The guilt that i’m doing too much with them and ruining their childhood.
The guilt that i’m too unmotivated to play with them, read to them etc.
The constant grinding guilt of failing them as all i do is shout and moan.

If i’d known it would be like this i would have known my limitations and stayed childless.
I’m tired of reading parenting books and not finding any solutions.
Can anyone relate to feeling like a completely useless parent?

Completely get you OP.

It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. But then I only have one toddler. I’m hoping it stays like this, but suspect it won’t!

I have neglected myself lately. Just starting exercising again so that should help.

Second time today on here that I have found my people. I hear you...hell, I definitely hear you op. I have childless friends....immaculate houses...4/5 holidays a year etc. I adore my kids....love them unconditionally. ...but I do wonder, if I knew then what I know now....would I have had them?

I'm glad I've got them but I do think they deserve a nicer, more capable parent. It's a shame for them. Still, I'm doing my best i suppose. It's just that my best is a bit shit unfortunately!

You need a break!! A wknd away to do whatever you want and recharge your batteries.

As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup, that is the saying isn’t it? Lol.

You need to look after yourself before you look after the kids. Self care is really important. Need to listen to my own advice more often though lol

Did I post and not realise? I have two DC the same ages and feel exactly the same.

It's relentless, never ending and after the disaster that the school holidays were last week, it seems to be getting worse as they get older.

It sounds like you're being fat too hard on yourself, OP.

It IS fucking hard, and it's relentless.

Are there things your partner could take over, like some of the homework? Good advice from PPs to make sure you keep some time for you too. Who wouldn't resent never having time to do what they want to do?

Far, not fat!

Yep I feel the same op I have 3 and seriously cannot believe someone didn’t sit me down and make me realise the amount of washing they would generate! For me it’s the constant need to be organised and one step ahead it’s draining and yes to the worrying about everyfuckingthing!!!!!

OP,
Don't be too hard on your self.

Being a parent can be stressful a realy shity awful job

It will get better

I look back on those years as easy. When they get to be teenagers it gets much harder believe me.

We all feel like this, from time to time.

I should have stuck to labradors, instead of children.

Op, are you me ?

Housework is the worst. It's not just children, it's the fact that you can do hours of it, and no-one notices; there are only comments when it's not done. Parenting is relentless, and laugh at the person who tells you that they will get it as teenagers or when big exams approach. DS is nearly 19, has A levels in six weeks, and is still resisting. I have pointed out (ad nauseam) that it will be he who lives with the consequences, but the words fall on deaf ears. BUT, it's still the best thing I do!

Not RTFT but are you me OP -I could have written this this week in particular. Done down with it all

It’s like Groundhog Day.

Get up. Get breakfast and lunches sorted.
Take DC to school.
Go to work.
Pick up DC.
Listen to bickering.
Make dinner.
Listen to bickering.
Eat dinner.
Argue about homework.
Tidy up.
Listen to bickering.
Get DC to bed.
Catch up on work.
Go to bed.

Every single weekday. I try to tell myself it would be Groundhog Day without DC too, but suspect life would seem a lot easier.

100% understand how you feel. It can be awful, can't it?

I feel constantly guilty about not being cheerful, happy to skip in puddles and climb trees with them kind of mum. Sometimes I just want them to leave me alone and let me read my bloody book!

I often wonder if it's to do with the fact that I had my first at 35 - life had been kind of sorted before then. I'd never been house proud, but now all I see is the crap everywhere, all I seem to do is move crap from one place to the next, only to find it somewhere else again.

That's why I really like this place - it shows me I'm not alone. I never heard my mum talk to her friends or sisters about how bad parenting can be sometimes, never had any idea before I had children!

Hi Anonmcnon, I feel like that quite often and I felt it more when DC no 3 was very young as there was no escape. I particularly hate holidays and half term, at least in Summer there is some hope they will be outside or in some club but I can honestly say I am way more irritable when DC are on holidays - they expect to be entertained or they just watch TV and fight and play video games and read. While I clean, and clean and clean. And my DH works very long hours so is no support.
However, although parenting is very hard work and we all get down, if you still feel like this in a couple of weeks I would see a GP. You might be depressed.

Also, you need to take time out for yourself, I run twice or three times a week although I used to have to stop during half term as they were too young to stay home alone, now as DD is older (teen) I can leave them for half an hour and it feels great.

OP, I feel for you. I used to fantasise about going to prison, just so I could have a night off (didn't have a single minute away from work, housework and the DC for over 14 years. I am not joking). Teenagers and beyond are a whole other challenge, but you do get some of 'yourself' back once they become more independent.

@Anon I could have written your post. I just find it all so utterly overwhelming at times and I especially empathise with the feeling guilty or worrying that I’m ruining there lives somehow. Occasionally i wake in the early hours and just lie there worrying.

I too sometimes think that if I’d know stressful it would be, I’d have thought twice about having DCs.

I totally get where you’re coming from OP.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings for you all. My "D"Cs are almost 30 and over 30 and they are as bad as ever. They fight with me they fight with each other and they fight with anyone available. They have a huge entitledment issue. They can not be put on the naughty step, they would not stay still. They know far more foul language than I do. They cant have a good smack because they are bigger than me.
Sorry!

Yanbu. I'm hiding in the loo for 5 minutes after being moaned and hollered at for two hours. And dd deliberately smashed a plate. Hopefully ww3 won't break out in my absence.

bluedot you've summed it up perfectly. It's relentless isn't it.