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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp thinking of buying house... With his mum.

219 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 14/04/2018 17:35

Dp & I are in no position to buy a house unfortunately. His mum however is willing to sell her house and buy with us as long as it has an annex she can live in. However she won't have the house in my name in case me and dp split up. So the house would just belong to dp and his mum.
I'm in two minds about the whole thing. On the plus side we would live somewhere a million times better than where we are now and save money. But on the other hand, if we did split up, I'd have bugger all.... Wwyd?

OP posts:
NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes · 15/04/2018 12:24

Just a few practical things to add. You can't be named on the mortgage and not be on the deeds, it's either both or neither. If you put money in you could get a charge put on the house to protect your investment but that's solicitors work. If you pay towards the mortgage you COULD be classed as having a beneficial interest, again you need to speak to a solicitor.
If him and your mother are both on the deeds, both need to be on the mortgage and with his mother's age they would have problems with obtaining one.
It's not as easy as they think, her age and mortgage will be the sticking point.
Hope that helps.

saiya06 · 15/04/2018 12:26

It's not a great option for you but it's not clear how great your alternatives are either. If you want to save and live rent free, this is a great way to do it.

Honestly, neither of you should get any part of the house. Neither of you are paying for it and you shouldn't have a claim on it. Whilst I'm sure his mum "doesn't want to live alone", she has plenty of good options and unless you are committing to care for her in her old age, I'm not sure how you are supposed to compensate her for basically giving you her home and her living in a tiny annexe.

BunnyColvin · 15/04/2018 12:39

neither of you should get any part of the house.

But isn't the whole point that his mother is deciding of her own will to get into a legal ownership arrangement with the son, and because the OP isn't married to him, she isn't in any way part of that? So basically they're both making this decision without taking her into account at all?
Yes of course you could live rent free while you sort what your next step will be, but you need to be very clear-headed because you simply don't have any rights here.

Branleuse · 15/04/2018 12:45

you all appear to be assuming that the other option is for her and her dp to buy together.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 15/04/2018 12:46

Would you actually be able to save if you went along with this? You've got no savings so presumably you and he need to spend everything you earn at present. The mortgage payments won't be vastly less than rent will they? Then you've got moving expenses, furnishings etc. So where would the money to save come from?

Just how rocky is the relationship?

threelittledinosaurs · 15/04/2018 12:47

I agree with you TheBlueDot.

Don't do it OP. Is he going to go ahead with it even if you do not approve? I think you need to start getting your finances in order, and protect yourself.

ItsNachoCheese · 15/04/2018 12:48

Christ almighty do not go along with this!

snewname · 15/04/2018 12:50

It looks like your marriage is dead in the water (and this situation isn't helping) and with the strains of living with a mil mine is perfectly lovely but I couldn't live with her or my mum I can't see a future. Best not to disrupt the kids lives by settling them into a new nice house then having to move out and disrupt their lives again (and potentially having pressure put on you to let them stay). Best to take this opportunity to move into a place of your own and let dp and mil get on with it.

What a catch he will be to any potential girl friends. Living with his mother and financially tied up with her. Plus with the added benefit of having to care for her in old age. It's obvious dp won't be doing all any of the caring.

Use this as a catalyst to step out on your own, however difficult it is and however attractive a nice, better house is. If your relationship is difficult now then it will be 10x more difficult living with a third person who will obviously side with DP at best, and be a nightmare to live with at worst.

SittingAround1 · 15/04/2018 13:03

This is not a sensible option for you.

If your partner can get a mortgage and you can't is it because he is earning and you're providing the free childcare and domestic work which enables him to work? If so it is deeply unfair for him to buy a house which you'll have no rights to and can be kicked out of anytime.

On top of that, you are being lined up to be an unpaid carer for his mother if you do stay.

Absolutely no way.

OpenFires · 15/04/2018 13:04

Are you joking? You want to buy your boyfriend and his mum a house?

Mildred007 · 15/04/2018 13:19

Before we had dc my dp dad sold us his house at a reduced price and we had a deed of trust written up for the difference in the amount which house was worth & what we got our mortgage for. Dp dad said this was dp early inheritance. I was fine with this.
12 years on we have 3dc. Still unmarried. If we were to split up I wouldn't be very well off as we would have to sell & I would be left with little of the equity to find myself & 3dc somewhere to live despite having a joint mortgage & paying into it/maintaining it etc. I feel rather vulnerable due to this.
I recommend you seek legal advice to protect yourself. Do not leave yourself vulnerable in this situation.

Motoko · 15/04/2018 14:18

She doesn't want to grow old living alone and she wants us to help with her care when she is older and dp is fine with this.

Of course he's fine with that! It won't be him doing the caring!

I completely understand the MIL's position, and she is wise to protect her assets, but it would put you in a very precarious position.

Some people are saying you have nothing to lose, but they're missing the point that when you split up (I do believe it would be "when" rather than "if", and so does your partner it seems) you will have the hassle of trying to find somewhere to live, and will have to find many hundreds of £ to pay deposit, fees and 1st month's rent, plus other costs, such as buying furniture, van hire, etc.

If you will have to rely on housing benefit, you will have difficulty finding a landlord who will rent to you. As such, when you eventually find somewhere, it will be a grotty place, in a horrible area. I know you said the new house will be nicer than you have now, but is the place that you're living in as bad as what I've described? And wouldn't it be better to just stay where you are to avoid all that?

I also believe that it's not just your MIL who doesn't want you on the deeds. You said he's complained about his ex getting half his previous house, so he's going to make sure he doesn't put himself in that position again. But he looks more reasonable if he makes out that it's because MIL doesn't want it.

Really OP, this has a big red warning sign flashing above it. You would be a fool to agree to go along with it. Although as a pp mentioned up thread, I'm not sure if it would even get off the ground, with regards to getting a mortgage, due to your MIL's age, unless they pretend that she's gifted the deposit. However, as she would have to sign a declaration stating that it's a gift, she would not be protecting her assets, so there's a bit of a contradiction there.

So, in summary, don't do it.

GardenGeek · 15/04/2018 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 15/04/2018 16:15

It is doable if you want to do it.

First is your choice if you want to live so close to his mother.
Second you would have to pay rent somewhere if you turned this down.

Then you get a legal agreement that in the event of a relationship breakdown and sale of property mother gets 100% of her deposit back first. Next each of you buy a share of the house equivalent to the percentage of mortgage you will be paying. eg mother buys half the house (pays half the mortgage), your partner and you buy 25% of the house each and pay 25% of the mortgage each). Then you all get wills written defining exactly what happens to everyone's share of the house if anyone dies.

So if you do split up the mother can easily buy out your share and keep the house but you get the security owning part of the house. Sounds very fair to both sides.

Trinity66 · 15/04/2018 16:16

It wouldn't be the direction I'd comfortable with in my own relationship personally

Dungeondragon15 · 15/04/2018 16:24

Apart from the fact that it is a bad deal for you financially, it could make your relationship even less stable. If your MIL owns the house with your DP, it will forever be two to one if there are any disagreements. I would definitely not agree to this.

missedith01 · 15/04/2018 22:22

If he died intestate and he's on the children's birth certificates then it would go to them.

Not if Joint Tenants, tho. If Joint Tenants the "share" of the person who dies does not form part of the estate.

Idontdowindows · 16/04/2018 08:52

One of my married inlaws died intestate, married with children.

You won't believe the hullaballoo we had to secure financial security for his widow (was really not nice).

So even if married it's not all that straightforward.

Motoko · 16/04/2018 12:18

One of my married inlaws died intestate, married with children. You won't believe the hullaballoo we had to secure financial security for his widow (was really not nice). So even if married it's not all that straightforward

Where was this?. According to CAB:
Who can inherit if there is no will – the rules of intestacy
This advice applies to England

Only married or civil partners and some other close relatives can inherit under the rules of intestacy.

If there are surviving children, grandchildren or great grandchildren of the person who died and the estate is valued at more than £250,000, the partner will inherit:

all the personal property and belongings of the person who has died, and
the first £250,000 of the estate, and
half of the remaining estate.

If there are no surviving children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren, the partner will inherit:

all the personal property and belongings of the person who has died and
the whole of the estate with interest from the date of death.

So I don't know why the widow didn't automatically inherit in your case. Was it in Scotland? I know they have different rules there.

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