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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp thinking of buying house... With his mum.

219 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 14/04/2018 17:35

Dp & I are in no position to buy a house unfortunately. His mum however is willing to sell her house and buy with us as long as it has an annex she can live in. However she won't have the house in my name in case me and dp split up. So the house would just belong to dp and his mum.
I'm in two minds about the whole thing. On the plus side we would live somewhere a million times better than where we are now and save money. But on the other hand, if we did split up, I'd have bugger all.... Wwyd?

OP posts:
myluckycharm · 14/04/2018 18:15

This has got disaster written all over it.

SaucyJane · 14/04/2018 18:16

Legally you can have a deed of trust or insist on being one of the legal owners in appropriate shares if you will be paying the mortgage.

But having your MIL living there as joint owner? That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, sorry OP.

pigsDOfly · 14/04/2018 18:17

Looks like we're not going to get an answer to what 'buy with us' mean as OP started this thread 40 minutes ago and doesn't seem to be coming back.

jamoncrumpets · 14/04/2018 18:17

My MiL wanted to do this with DH. There were SO many red flags, and absolutely no security for me. So we declined her very 'kind' offer (which, tbh, was all about regaining control over the 'baby' that I cruelly stole from her).

Rawhh · 14/04/2018 18:18

You need to also check whether a forced sale could be made on the house to cover long term care if MIL need to go into a home down the line.

You and DP could end up with a lot of stress having to sell up.

snewname · 14/04/2018 18:18

You won’t be worse off financially if there is no chance of you buying together and I can understand her protecting herself.

I would negotiate a 10% share or something similar so that you do have some stake, but more importantly
Do you actually want to live in such close proximity to her? Be wary.

Idontdowindows · 14/04/2018 18:19

Well, it's a nice way for him and his mum to get their living arrangements part-financed, innit?

lottiegarbanzo · 14/04/2018 18:21

What does 'buy with us' mean? That she is effectively buying it for him? That he contributes something to mortgage payments but she pays the deposit? If he's in no position to buy with you, she must surely be the main funder and owner.

You could set it up so you are 'tenants in common' with a legal agreement setting out how much of it you each own. Then you and DP can contribute towards the mortgage and own a small % of it each. This % can be changed officially in future, as the interest component of the mortgage decreases and you start paying off capital and/or if your salaries change (and you have the sort of mortgage you can then pay off faster), and/or you get married.

That way, if you split, they can buy out your % (they'd sensibly want a clause in the agreement requiring you to sell to them promptly in these circs). You would have a stake in the property market, however small, so would gain from any increase in value and have some sort of deposit to move on with.

e1y1 · 14/04/2018 18:21

As others have said, if you’re not putting any money in to it (and you can cope living with “mil”) then probably not the worst thing.

If you’re putting any substantial money in (more along the lines of towards the deposit as opposed to a monthly payment as you’d pay rent wherever you live) then you’d be crazy.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/04/2018 18:22

You know how sometimes there are pivotal moments in our lives upon which we look back on and think to ourselves... "If only I'd done this instead"...

This is one such moment. And to save you a lot of agro - avoid avoid avoid like the plague. Don't say yes, don't pass go and collect £200. Just say no.

Oysterbabe · 14/04/2018 18:24

I'd rather live in a tent than with a partner's mum.

Bluelady · 14/04/2018 18:24

If you say no, prepare to kiss him goodbye because she's making him an offer he can't refuse.

Viviennemary · 14/04/2018 18:26

I can see why his Mum wants to keep you off the deeds and would probably prefer you not to be married. But you have to look after your own interests. There doesn't seem to be a lot in it for you except you will have a nice place to live that you otherwise wouldn't have. And downside is they will in effect control the purse strings. No I wouldn't do this. But good idea to get advice from a lawyer.

BrendasUmbrella · 14/04/2018 18:28

Great, let them do it. But if you're not on the deeds you don't pay towards their mortgage. And in the mean time you can save up a nest egg which may go towards your own property one day.

Chewbecca · 14/04/2018 18:28

I think we need to know how it is proposed to set up the finances, both up front and ongoing before being able to offer an opinion on that side of things.

ilovekitkats · 14/04/2018 18:29

If you put money into it then you need your share to be protected. If not then they are just protecting their share. Once you get married you will have rights.

Do not put money in or pay the mortgage if they won’t let you have a fair share.

You could Save the money you would pay in rent and then buy your own property and let it out?

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 14/04/2018 18:29

If she wants to protect her capital investment then the three of you can be tenants in common in predefined shares, which would be a perfectly reasonable way of going about it. And she can make a will leaving her share to your DP.

Not having the house in my name at all would be a big no-no for me in your position.

ExFury · 14/04/2018 18:30

What's your MIL like?

Mine lives next door. No problem at all. Has boundaries, expects us (& the kids) to have boundaries. Has her own life.

Ex-MIL I wouldn't have lived within 100 miles...

summacummamumma · 14/04/2018 18:31

Will you be contributing? If so then stay well clear...

Quartz2208 · 14/04/2018 18:31

Yes how much money are you putting towards it if any. If you are putting money towards it I say you should all be tenants in common but with different shares relating to how much you are putting in as a deposit and paying of the mortgage.

I would get legal advice as well to set out the best way of doing this

Dancingleopard · 14/04/2018 18:32

No I wouldn’t.

You will basically just be a lodger.

BackforGood · 14/04/2018 18:38

BlueLady is right. From the 'MiL's' pov, she is selling her home and there is no reason for her to share that with someone she isn't related to.

From OP's pov, it depends on s many things. If - as you say - you are in no position to buy anyway, then you are no worse off - if you and your dp split up, then you wouldn't have an asset to sell anyway, so it then comes down to what your relationship is like with her, and how 'connected' the living arrangements would be. If it moves you into a nice area than you could otherwise afford, and you believe she'd respect boundaries, then why wouldn't you? OTOH, if you think you'd be sharing more than a garden and a living room wall, then it makes the whole relationship one that not many women (or men for that matter) would want to have.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/04/2018 18:39

Currently you rent. If you split up, assumably one (or both) of you would have to move and rent on your own. The only difference with the house purchase is that you would definitely be the one to have to move and find another place to live. So far no big difference.

As far as what you would pay, I don't see it as 'contributing to the mortgage', per se. I see it more like paying 'my fair share of the household expenses' as I would for room lodging. I certainly wouldn't expect to get an interest in a house if I was a lodger, just because part of my payment went to their mortgage! And I wouldn't expect to cover 1/3 of the mortgage + household costs, either. If you can get them to not include an amount for the mortgage and just share the 'running costs', so much the better.

But I can guaran-damn-tee you that I would not put one penny into the down payment for the purchase of any home that didn't have my name on it.

Bluelady · 14/04/2018 18:43

Excellent points, Across. If you rent you pay your landlord's mortgage, that doesn't entitle you to a share of the property.

Starlight2345 · 14/04/2018 18:44

Not on deeds

In case you split up . I wouldn’t want her in annex even if I bought it myself

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