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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dp thinking of buying house... With his mum.

219 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 14/04/2018 17:35

Dp & I are in no position to buy a house unfortunately. His mum however is willing to sell her house and buy with us as long as it has an annex she can live in. However she won't have the house in my name in case me and dp split up. So the house would just belong to dp and his mum.
I'm in two minds about the whole thing. On the plus side we would live somewhere a million times better than where we are now and save money. But on the other hand, if we did split up, I'd have bugger all.... Wwyd?

OP posts:
hungryhippo90 · 14/04/2018 17:55

Hell would freeze over before I even considered this.

Your name will not be on the mortgage, and your MIL will be living with you.....

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 14/04/2018 17:57

Why are you in no position to buy a house with your DP? Exactly whats the problem.

Gazelda · 14/04/2018 17:57

No way! What financial protection is she suggesting you have? What if you have D.C. in the future? Do you want to live with MIL?

Juells · 14/04/2018 17:58

I can see where the MiL is coming from, on this one. She's selling her house, so she'll be putting in the bulk of the cash. If the OP and her DP split up and the house was in both their names, the house would have to be sold, and MiL would be out on her arse.

I think it's a terrible idea anyway. MiL would be in and out all the time and drive you mad.

Gemini69 · 14/04/2018 17:58

Hell would freeze over before I even considered this

this... with bells on Grin

OohMavis · 14/04/2018 17:58

Hell to the fuck no.

JennyOnAPlate · 14/04/2018 18:01

Get proper legal advice before you do anything op. You must protect your own interests.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2018 18:01

N.F.W. She will be living with you. You will have fewer rights than a lodger. There's no chance in hell I'd do this. If your partner wants to live with him ma, tell him to go ahead and do it, but take no part in it.

Bluelady · 14/04/2018 18:02

Firstly she's not MiL; they're not married. Secondly, there probably won't be a mortgage in which case, she's actually being very generous to HER son. Thirdly, it's her main asset and she's absolutely right to protect it. And fourthly, you're all assuming she's a monster and would try to rule the roost without OP even suggesting such a thing.

Anyone else see it from the viewpoint of the person actually putting up the money to buy the house or is it just me?

AnnabelleLecter · 14/04/2018 18:04

Sounds like a terrible idea. You say she is willing to buy with us, but she's not. Only DP leaving you out of it.
What if you and DP get yourselves in a position to buy alone in the future but you can't sell because you're stuck with his mum and she won't want to move?
A house with an annexe will cost more than hers alone, I suspect. So who's funding the extra?

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 14/04/2018 18:04

Fuck THAT for a game of fucking soldiers!!!!!

ZenNudist · 14/04/2018 18:05

Bad idea. This rules out you ever buying a house together. You will never be able to unsettle her from the position you find yourself. Meanwhile having to entertain and look out for her. Terrible plan. Also what your contribution? Presumably renting or if youre lucky rent free. Fine if you think you will never ever buy together but kiss of death for either your relationship or personal financial security otherwise. Whatever you do get married beforehand!

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 14/04/2018 18:05

Get married.

See a solicitor about protecting MILs investment, so everything is fair no matter what happens.

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 14/04/2018 18:05

Your not married so this is a reasonable plan on your dp and mother’s side.
I’d suggest letting them deal with this and you could investigate different savings plans that you contribute into faithfully. Your dp can also gift into this annually.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 14/04/2018 18:07

I would say that is a very bad idea unless you buy your own place seperately

yoyo1234 · 14/04/2018 18:08

Depends if you are married. Also would you be contributing to the property.

Piffle11 · 14/04/2018 18:09

If you're not married then I can see MIL's point of view: why would she potentially let someone walk away with half of her asset? But if you are expected to contribute, then no, from your POV I wouldn't do it. Another thing to consider is the annex thing: a friend of mine and her DH went in with his DM and DF, and the PILs had a separate bit ... but MIL was in their bit constantly. Even before they had DC. When the idea was first touted it was 'you'll have your bit, we'll have ours', but in reality it was my friend, her DH (although he worked longer hours than my friend so it was usually just her and MIL) and MIL. My friend loved her MIL, but after having her to-ing and fro-ing pretty much every evening, tempers flared. Just because your MIL has a separate annex doesn't mean that she'll necessarily use it.

pigsDOfly · 14/04/2018 18:10

You're right Bluelady. This doesn't sound like a good idea for anyone tbh other than the son who stands to gain the whole house when his DM dies.

Meanwhile, I'm guessing his DM is the one putting up most of the money and all she gets out of it is to live in the annex.

Sounds like a disastrous idea.

missedith01 · 14/04/2018 18:11

What does "buy with us" mean? Do you and dp have joint savings that would go in? Will income that's currently joint/household income go towards the mortgage? Would your income allow dp to service his part of the mortgage where he wouldn't otherwise be able to? I think if the answer to any of those was yes I'd want it reflected in the arrangement. And then I'd think about whether it would be bearable from a day-to-day living pov.

kabanner · 14/04/2018 18:11

After looking at houses together (the plan to buy together after I relocated to be near him) my ExDP decided to buy the house we liked on his own as I couldn't match half the deposit, could have done a third but that wasn't enough.

I should have ended it then, due to the lack of committment, he didn't want to marry either but I accepted that but thought buying a house was some commitment.

I invested time in making it at home despite it not being mine.
It ultimately drove a massive wedge between us and unsurprisingly we split some 6 years later. He was not a complete knob and let me stay for 6 months whilst I sorted out buying my own place.

The only good thing was I paid very minimal "rent" so was able to build up quite a bit of savings for my deposit. If you do it do not invest any of your time and money in making it a home.

That's my take but only you know your relationship.

Schlimbesserung · 14/04/2018 18:12

How is your relationship with her? It may be that she is just being sensible, or it may be phase 1 of a plan to get rid of you altogether.
Either way there are too many possible ways for this to go horribly wrong for me to even consider it.
I think it might be sensible to make your own plans for the future.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 14/04/2018 18:13

I’m assuming this is intended to be a long term, possibly life-long arrangement for her. How do you both feel about the possibility of becoming her live-in carers in the future?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/04/2018 18:13

I wouldn't put a penny into the mortage or deposit or buildings insurance. Or pick up all of the other bills instead.

Beyond that it really depends how well you get on with the MIL - I wouldn't automatically rule it out. It works well for some people.

Is it indelicate to ask how old MIL is?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2018 18:14

If you put no money in and pay nothing towards it? Fine. Save all the money you would have put towards housing costs and use that if things go wrong.

Oh, and all this depends on your MIL having boundaries. Which, thinking about it, she doesn't so maybe not.

Gemini69 · 14/04/2018 18:15

OP you would be living in THEIR home.. not your own .. Flowers

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