To spend 9k on dental crowns - DP annoyed!

[theforeignwoman]

To put it briefly, I am only 27 years old and have grim, yellow teeth that are only getting worse no matter what I do. They're perfectly straight and quite nice if you disregard the colour of them, but I have had to have a number of fillings throughout the past two years and no matter how good care I take of them, I still end up with chipped back teeth and cavaties. I have spent a fortune on teeth whitening just to at least brighten them up a bit but it's no good.

DP partner complains that I never smile. I even cover my mouth when I speak to strangers. I can't get myself to make friends or meet new people as I am constantly thinking about my teeth. I've basically put my whole social circle on hold until I can get this sorted.

I've had enough. I have decided I am going to get dental crowns once I have had our child (currently pregnant) and finally feel good about myself. This is going to set me back £9000. Money I have saved up on my own. DP and I don't share finances. I am financially better off than he is.

He says I am being ridiculously selfish for spending that much and that I should just get over it. He also says that white fake crowns will look bad, and he is not sure he will be as attracted to me. He wants to get married in the future and I have told him that there is no way that is going to happen until I get this fixed and I can smile on my wedding day.

AIBU for just going through with this despite what he thinks?!

@Trinity66

I bet If it was a male posting this problem there would be a lot of screeching about "family money"

Not from me, my reply would be the same, if it were my DH and he was self conscious about something like this I'd be encouraging him to get it done

They're not a family. He's a boyfriend.

One who threatens to leave her if she spends her own money on herself.

She can't go through life with chips and decay. Gum issues can be fatal.

Boyfriend's shown his true colours.

Wtf op. You have completely separate finances, you are funding your own maternity leave even though you are together with the babys dad and he should be supporting you, and he is already suggesting you get extensive plastic surgery after you're finished having surgery even though you're fine with your body?

I think you have far wider issues than him calling you selfish for choosing to spend your own money how you want (what does he suggest it should be spent on!?) and on something that would make a significant difference to your life.

Crowns aren't just a cosmetic choice, they are a long term investment in your dental health. They will cover and protect your teeth from further breakage and enamel loss.
They won't be "fake white" but will be very carefully matched to the colour of your natural teeth, and no one but your dentist should be able to tell they are crowns.
It may be cheaper to go abroad, as some have suggested, but you just need to bear in mind that your own dentist may not be prepared to do any maintenance on them and should you have any problems you may have to go back to the dentist who supplied the crowns.
I'd say have the work done if you can afford it - oral health is so important to the rest of your body!

can't you het veneers? Less drastic than crowns and (maybe?) cheaper?

Aren't crowns where they strip your natural teeth back to a thin post and stick a fake tooth over the top? I had one done like this as a child and it's fallen out twice.

Possibly veneers would be better?

How about a consultation with another dentist, @theforeignwoman, so you can have a second opinion? It seems a shame to put crowns on, as your own teeth are nice and even.

And on the other point, your teeth, your money. I feel if you don't spend it now, there'll always be something more 'worthy' in the future to spend it on, at least in your dp's eyes.

Veneers, not crowns. HUGE difference. Make sure you know what you’re doing. Get advice from several good dentists, look at their previous work. If you’re going abroad choose a reputable place, not a cheap one. Ask to make them look natural.

People spend £9K on stupider things so if you think it will make a huge difference then go for it. But don’t spend £9K on something that will ruin your health and look worse than what you currently have.

If I were you, I'd look into getting it done in Turkey. The standard of dental work I've seen at some clinics there is excellent, it's much more affordable than here and you get a holiday out of it.

However, I wouldn't grudge you a penny of it. A couple of years ago my mum spent £10k on a cosmetic procedure for something that has bothered her for decades and I was nothing but pleased for her.

Any chance you could post a photo of your smile here?
Do you really mean crowns? It involves cutting each tooth down to a stump. Veneers are a lot less destructive of your teeth than crowns. Have you asked your dentist about veneers?
I hope you know that veneers/ crowns etc are not forever? You will need them replacing down the line and they could also contribute to decay and gum disease. I have seen patients who started having crowns and then needed their teeth removed a few years later due to decay. Have you got fillings in the front teeth? Is it possible to replace those? Have you tried zoom whitening? What percentage of carbamide peroxide have you used? It’s unusual for there to be no effect on your teeth unless you have a very worn down dentition.
@GigALig implants are not permanent. They can be lost just like any other tooth. I treat peri implantitis in my practice daily.

@theforeignwoman

By mummy-make over he suggested I could get my tummy tightened up and breasts lifted. I used to be quite overweight and lost a lot of weight and thus have quite a few stretch marks and some lose skin, and he is baffled why I am not bothered by this as much as I am bothered by my teeth.

It never struck me to have any kind of tummy tuck or boob job as I strangely enough am quite happy enough with my body as it is, so I took great offense at this.

Of course your teeth are more important to you than you tummy or some loose skin or stretch marks. These are genuinely appearance issues.

Teeth are on show the whole time and frankly if they look bad, it is impossible to hide. Also if teeth look bad , this is almost always related to some problem with them that affects your health as well as appearance. That is why if your teeth are bad enough the NHS pays for braces . They do this because long-term very crooked teeth can lead to more serious problems down the line with jaw alignment headaches etc. If your teeth are very yellow and break easily then there is something wrong with them and the right treatment will help.

I would definitely use the money to have my teeth done in the op's shoes. I'd want to be sure the treatment would help so would get more than one opinion but If the dentists I talked to agreed then I'd definitely go for it.

I would go to a good cosmetic dentist and ask what they thought, OP. But other than that I think he's got a nerve. This is something that's affecting your happiness and it's your money. He has no right to suggest a boob job instead!

@peacheachpearplum

I've got a crown I've had for nearly 30 years, it's still fine. I had a choice of having it removed or having a crown I was surprised how many friends thought it was a waste of money.

My sister has several crowns, a couple of which have lasted 25 years . She is in her mid sixties now and has she not had crowns and implants done over the years since she turned 40 she'd have dentures now . She is very happy not to have dentures and has the money and the will to avoid that as long as possible. She takes good care of her teeth but just has teeth that break and decay easily.

I have one crown that has lasted 10 years now with no problems so far and another I had done recently. I certainly would always try to save a tooth If possible before having an extraction.

I think they'll be a lot more than 9k now, post was from 2018!

@Mybrows

Honestly if my husband spent £9k on cosmetic procedures it would be entirely his choice but it would affect how I see him a bit, as it would make him more vain and shallow than I currently think he is and I would find it extremely selfish when that money could be used for so many better things for our children and the life we are building together. And no I don't believe feeling self conscious is fixed by making yourself look more 'perfect', I think that's work you need to do on your mind not your body. Like I say, your body your choice, but your husband has a right to form opinions about you based on your choices.

Fixing her teeth doesn't come into the category of 'cosmetic procedures' though. How can that be vain and shallow when she can't bear to smile in public?

Gah, didn't realise this was a zombie thread!

Its not the money or what you want to do but I like another poster are worried for you. The are perfectly straight but quite nice if we disregard the colour - this is your statement not mine. I would see another whitening expert before you have your teeth ground down. Although - your back teeth are chipped and get cavaties? How can people see your back teeth? Have you considered changing mercury filings to white filings?

Do make sure you do plenty of research OP - you may find that veneers give you what you’re looking for.
And, needless to say, of course you’re not being unreasonable

@Trinity66

Its a shame he doesn't want you to feel good about yourself

This.

I would not rush into marriage with someone like you have described.

Hopefully the OP had ditched the partner and got her new teeth by now!

Ahh got invested in this thread and only just seen that it’s from 2018!!

Firstly, as you have separate finances I think you are absolutely not unreasonable to spend your money in any way you see fit. Especially when it comes to something that sounds like it has a significant impact on your confidence.

I would however definitely recommend looking into composite cosmetic bonding to see if that might be an option if you've not already?
I had my 4 front top teeth done last year due previous grinding and am thrilled with the result.
I can't remember the exact cost but it came in at under £800 which included whitening gel, hygienist visit before and a new bite guard/tray to continue whitening in the future.
Most importantly for me as my teeth were healthy, its non-invasive. Its applied on top of the existing tooth with no filing/damage involved.

Do ig if you have the money. My teeth are damaged and discoloured from chemo and its something I would do if I could afford it.