To spend 9k on dental crowns - DP annoyed!

[theforeignwoman]

To put it briefly, I am only 27 years old and have grim, yellow teeth that are only getting worse no matter what I do. They're perfectly straight and quite nice if you disregard the colour of them, but I have had to have a number of fillings throughout the past two years and no matter how good care I take of them, I still end up with chipped back teeth and cavaties. I have spent a fortune on teeth whitening just to at least brighten them up a bit but it's no good.

DP partner complains that I never smile. I even cover my mouth when I speak to strangers. I can't get myself to make friends or meet new people as I am constantly thinking about my teeth. I've basically put my whole social circle on hold until I can get this sorted.

I've had enough. I have decided I am going to get dental crowns once I have had our child (currently pregnant) and finally feel good about myself. This is going to set me back £9000. Money I have saved up on my own. DP and I don't share finances. I am financially better off than he is.

He says I am being ridiculously selfish for spending that much and that I should just get over it. He also says that white fake crowns will look bad, and he is not sure he will be as attracted to me. He wants to get married in the future and I have told him that there is no way that is going to happen until I get this fixed and I can smile on my wedding day.

AIBU for just going through with this despite what he thinks?!

Honestly I think if a man came on and said:

' I want to spend £50k on a sports car, my partner earns very little but we are comfortably off and I have worked really hard for this so why should I ask her views on spending this money, its mine'

He would be whipped to within an inch of his life!

Don’t do joint finances when you’re married op,set up accounts for bills & mortgage etc but retain your financial independence

This

Same answer from me whether the OP is male or female. Get a second opinion first, as the other PP mentioned a possible condition that makes the procedure a bad idea.

You get the go ahead from both dentists, go for it! The way one feels about one’s smile can really affect one’s self esteem, and therefore quality of life. From what you stated, that seems the case.

And of course if your DP wants to spend money he’s saved, on something only for him, then he should go for it. I do think he’s being very close minded about it and a bit nasty in his approach.

Do it! You have the money and feel it'll make a huge difference to your confidence

He also says that white fake crowns will look bad, and he is not sure he will be as attracted to me I think that's an awful thing to say to you to try to make you change your mind.

Thanksforthatamazingpost
What????

They don't do metal fillings here. My dentist is a NHS Spanish dentist. Here free dentists only until 18 then you have to pay which is why it's all costing me €8k. She worked for a couple of years in the UK, only came back last year. She said she was shocked at metal fillings, and here they aren't even taught how to do them because it's such an old thing. So when replacing all my old fillings it was standard white.

I'm not the PP, but white fillings are standard here (France) and relatively inexpensive.
OP, yanbu-as soon as I have saved enough I will be doing the same thing. My veneers are nearly 20 years old and I half-smile to hide my receding gums...

feel free to Pm me, I got 8 crowns done last year and its the best thing I ever did. I can show you my before and after pics.

Why do you keep chipping your teeth?

If you have an issue with the way you eat or grind your teeth then white crowns will get destroyed.

I had to have a silver crown as the dentist told me the white ones are significantly less strong and won’t last the way I treat my teeth.

Is it not veneers as opposed to crowns? Veneers cover the surface and improve he appearance of the teeth. I thought crowns were for decayed teeth that couldn't be salvaged?

I say go for it. I had some work done years ago, and haven't looked back.

Could you do the work in stages? £9k must be a lot of work....

Go for it. You have the money to hand and wont be putting yourself in debt to pay for it so why not. British people are still really odd about teeth and looking after them which might explain your DPs horrified reaction. Who of us hasn't wasted money on clothes and makeup to only find you never wear them and the makeup does not do what ever magic it promised? A bright smile is an instant beautifier.

However, personally my teeth were extremely sensitive (along with other problems) when pregnant and for a long time even after I finished breastfeeding. So perhaps wait quite a while until you've had your baby so your hormones and body can settle down. Pregnancy can do a real number on your dental health.

Also like someone said unthread perhaps see a specialist to discuss the suitability of the procedure. There might be a reason you've got chipped teeth and extensive staining at such a young age.

Who says he "earns very little"? OP says he earns less. That could be 50k to her 60k or 100k to her 150k? Not necessarily that he is scraping by on a tenner a week while she lives luxuriously while rubbing his face in it.
If a male poster came on and said he wanted to spend 9k on a medical problem that caused him huge confidence issues, then I can't see why he would be reviled. There is a VAST difference (not even comparable really) to spending 50k on a sports car to 9k on a teeth problem.

white fillings are standard here (France) and relatively inexpensive.

Here it's about €60 for a standard filling for 18+'s

Are you having your whole mouth done with crowns? I’d have thought it would be veneers for your issue (but I’m not a dentist)
What sort of whitening did you have (as £800 for 2 whitening s sounds very dear)

Go for it op.
My teeth are horrible - yellow and grim. One of my friends said 'I hope you don't mind me saying this but you would look much better if you had your teeth improved'
I can't afford it but if I could I would.

Do it. This is something fundamental to how you feel about yourself. Sounds like it will make you much happier.
It’s your money

Are your teeth damaged? You mention breaking and fillings.

Surely the planned work will, in the long run, damage your dental health?

What proportion of your savings is £9k?

Get your teeth fixed.

Don't get married. Leave him.

Have fun with your new gorgeous smile.

Get someone else.

What have you and DP agreed with regard to housing, WoH and childcare for your DC?

£9k would pay for a fair bit of rent/mortgage or childcare!

OP, this may be a big ask, but would you like to show us your teeth ?
Sometimes we become fixated on something and believe it to be far worse than it is.
I am not suggesting that you shouldn't spend your own money, just that
maybe, they are far nicer, than you imagine.

If you are covering your mouth and not smiling this suggests that you could have a mental health issue about this aspect of your looks.

OP I sympathise, I’ve alwyas struggled with my teeth and have considered veneers as well.

Please bear in mind that once you get them you have to continually get them replaced, they don’t last for life, generally about 8-10 years. What happens if you can’t afford £9000 every 10 years for the next 60 years you’re likely to live? It’s a big commitment.

Have you discussed compost veneers that go over your teeth instead? Much cheaper and don’t damage the tooth underneath. You’ll still get a great look. Also, you probably don’t need to get all your teeth done, just those that show obviously when you smile. Talk to a few different dentists about your options and don’t trust ones you just want you to spend the most regardless.

@Dozer why is an insecurity about one aspect of your appearance ‘a mental health issue’

Hi op

Not sure where you are, but if uk so.you not get free dental treatment when pregnant and a year after ?

Pregnancy puts allot of strain on your body and teeth/gums so may need then done anyway.

It's not comparable to him buying a sports car. No one ever suffered emotionally because they couldn't buy a sports car! Otoh, the OP is suffering. You'd think a loving partner would care about that and not resent her getting it fixed. Particularly since he hasn't contributed a penny towards it. It's none of his business and I am very wary of a man who sees your money as his to have a say in and who also is not contributing to mat leave costs incurred as a result of you having a shared child.

I wouldn't rush to marry him or share finances tbh.

Get at least one other opinion from a trusted dentist. If you need crowns or implants 'Vital Europe' work here and abroad, but veneers for cosmetic reasons could be done here.
Do your research, ask for the cons as well as pros, get a recommendation, see their work. Your teeth will not be as strong and need care always but worth it if you can live with that.

It could well be a MH issue if affecting day to day decisions/life, eg covering one’s mouth and not smiling affects relationships with other people. And if one’s self perception is at odds with objective reality, eg body dysmorphia. Or the issue becomes an obsession.