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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend 9k on dental crowns - DP annoyed!

222 replies

theforeignwoman · 11/04/2018 15:30

To put it briefly, I am only 27 years old and have grim, yellow teeth that are only getting worse no matter what I do. They're perfectly straight and quite nice if you disregard the colour of them, but I have had to have a number of fillings throughout the past two years and no matter how good care I take of them, I still end up with chipped back teeth and cavaties. I have spent a fortune on teeth whitening just to at least brighten them up a bit but it's no good.

DP partner complains that I never smile. I even cover my mouth when I speak to strangers. I can't get myself to make friends or meet new people as I am constantly thinking about my teeth. I've basically put my whole social circle on hold until I can get this sorted.

I've had enough. I have decided I am going to get dental crowns once I have had our child (currently pregnant) and finally feel good about myself. This is going to set me back £9000. Money I have saved up on my own. DP and I don't share finances. I am financially better off than he is.

He says I am being ridiculously selfish for spending that much and that I should just get over it. He also says that white fake crowns will look bad, and he is not sure he will be as attracted to me. He wants to get married in the future and I have told him that there is no way that is going to happen until I get this fixed and I can smile on my wedding day.

AIBU for just going through with this despite what he thinks?!

OP posts:
WonderLime · 11/04/2018 15:55

You are definitely NBU to do this!

I had a brace as an adult. It cost nearly £4000 and I had to finance it. I couldn’t as I was a student so my DP actually did it for me and I paid him back.

But it had hugely affected my confidence. I also used to cover my mouth whilst speaking and never smiled for pictures - now there isn’t a single picture where I’m not grinning like a madman and I’m so much happier. My DP understood it was important and supported me - if he hadn’t been able to finance it for me I would have waited but still would have got it down when I was able. If he’d actually told me I was selfish I would have left him. I honestly believe it’s down wonders not just for my self esteem but for my mental health too.

Do what you need to. People nay-saying (including your DP) don’t understand the detrimental effect something like that can have over the years.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 11/04/2018 15:56

Do it. Having nice teeth will be a better investment than spending it on clothes or posh cars. It will improve your self esteem, confidence and ergo, your career prospects.

You won't regret it.

user1474652148 · 11/04/2018 15:56

If my dh had this reaction to something he knows upsets me to the point that I don’t smile/Sam properly then I would be very tempted to reevaluate that relationship.
It does not exactly cover him in glory, and you entitled to spend money as you wish, once you are married he will have a bigger say over your family finances. Is it just this subject or is he like this often?

user1474652148 · 11/04/2018 15:56

Speak

WonderLime · 11/04/2018 15:56

Done, not down - stupid autocorrect!

Wolfiefan · 11/04/2018 15:57

Depends. Is this the only issue or is it a part of a bigger problem? If you have generally high self esteem and are perfectly happy with the rest of your body and features then I would do it. If you think you would spend the money and then decide you wanted your nose fixed and your butt lifted and ears pinned and boobs done etc etc etc. then I wouldn't.

GigALig · 11/04/2018 15:58

From what my dentist said, vaneers last about 10-15 years (it was one of the teeth with a vaneer that fell out in my case), implants are permanent.
You need a dentist you can trust.

Prettylovely · 11/04/2018 15:58

My reply would also be the same man or woman, The way she feels about her teeth is effecting her life,confidence and relationships, If she can change that and can afford to she should.
Her partner should be supportive and want to see her happy, The fact he isnt, even to the point of saying he might not find her attractive is really out of order.
He sounds insecure, like if you have them done you will look too good, he feels threatened by it.
Do it OP!!

FlapAttack23 · 11/04/2018 15:58

I'd be more worried about getting crowns which might then need replacing for more money or might annoy my gums or I might get them and hate them!!!!

Also if you're pregnant your teeth aren't their usual selves haha. . Hence free dental work for 1 year 9 months. More prone to all sorts and if anone had touched my teeth while pregnant or soon afyer I'd bite them.

Also making massive financial decisions while pregnant.. having a baby might bring about all new financial pressures. Eg may come early and require 6 months in hospital etc.. you just dont know. You might randomly decide to go part time etc

Also I changed so so much after having a baby.. some things that were so important before became so much less important afree and vice versa. I stupidly planned my wedding g while pregnant and when it happened when baby was a year old I was like wtf if is this why have I chosen to do it like this!!!!

It's obviously different for everyone but if in were you I'd wait til baby was put and I was back at work and settled before making much a big decision?

This is written fast and not meant to offend etc so don't all lynch me.. I am just yabbing on

TheFaerieQueene · 11/04/2018 15:59

Do it if you wish, just make sure you can afford to maintain them in years to come and can replace them when necessary.

CaffeineAndCrochet · 11/04/2018 16:01

My parents spent thousands on braces for me as a teenager because I used to do the same thing. Cover my mouth when I smiled or try and smile with my mouth closed. Making it so I was able to smile without feeling self conscious is something I will always be grateful to them for.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 11/04/2018 16:04

Do do joint finances when you’re married op,set up accounts for bills & mortgage etc but retain your financial independence

cupcakesandglitter · 11/04/2018 16:05

I have crowns - the new porcelain ones, can't remember the name... they didn't set me back as much as that, but I only have five - best decision I've ever made. My confidence is already so much more noticeable, I love showing them and I think actually given it's your money and your teeth.... he can't really have much of a problem with it.

Good luck, and I hope you love them!!

RandomMess · 11/04/2018 16:05

Surely you get veneers for the undamaged teeth???

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 11/04/2018 16:05

Gah I meant Dont do joint finances when you’re married op,set up accounts for bills & mortgage etc but retain your financial independence

TrickyD · 11/04/2018 16:05

Have you considered getting the treatment in Budapest? There are many highly regarded dentists there and the cost, even taking flights and accommodation into account, is far less.

Emmasmum2013 · 11/04/2018 16:06

If I had the money for it I would absolutely go for it. I hate my teeth. I'd have to have corrective jaw surgery to get them totally sorted though (got a cross bite - jaw doesn't site quite straight)

But I would enquire about the cost of upkeep over time - crowns and implants etc don't last forever and you might have to get them all replaced again at some point in the future.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 11/04/2018 16:06

Gah I meant to type
Don’t do joint finances when you’re married op,set up accounts for bills & mortgage etc but retain your financial independence

PumpkinPiloter · 11/04/2018 16:06

I would do it in Thailand and have a big holiday plus save some money at the same time.

Poppins2016 · 11/04/2018 16:07

Would whitening your teeth help with the yellowness? I wonder whether a cheaper/less invasive alternative is possible...

Have you spoken with your dentist about the issue?

Multiple crowns could bring their own set of issues... My mother had just one crown and then had to spend thousands on an implant (for only one tooth) as crowns kept becoming damaged/falling off.

Luckingfovely · 11/04/2018 16:07

This is clearly very important to you, and you have clearly thought about it, planned and saved accordingly.

Your money, your decision. You need to acknowledge that he doesn't agree, but make it clear that this is your decision and yours alone.

I wish you luck and sparkly teeth!

adaline · 11/04/2018 16:08

If it'll make you happy - go for it. Your teeth, your choice.

But if he wakes up tomorrow and wants to blow the equivalent on a bike or something of his choice - you need to let him.

If he doesn't get a say in your spending (which is fine) just make sure you don't accidentally try and tell him "no" in the future.

DP and I have a similar set up. Once bills are paid we each have our own accounts and savings and neither of us has any say over what the other spends their leftover money on. It works well for us!

Prettylovely · 11/04/2018 16:09

My friend had it done in thailand, she was very pleased with them.

buddahsitter · 11/04/2018 16:10

Have it done, you will feel better and you being happy can only benefit baby and husband.

Gottagetmoving · 11/04/2018 16:11

I think it's awful it's so expensive to have the treatment. If you have the money though, you should go for it!
I would love to have my teeth crowned but can't afford it. I know how it affects confidence, especially these days when it seems everyone has bloody perfect teeth!

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