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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend 9k on dental crowns - DP annoyed!

222 replies

theforeignwoman · 11/04/2018 15:30

To put it briefly, I am only 27 years old and have grim, yellow teeth that are only getting worse no matter what I do. They're perfectly straight and quite nice if you disregard the colour of them, but I have had to have a number of fillings throughout the past two years and no matter how good care I take of them, I still end up with chipped back teeth and cavaties. I have spent a fortune on teeth whitening just to at least brighten them up a bit but it's no good.

DP partner complains that I never smile. I even cover my mouth when I speak to strangers. I can't get myself to make friends or meet new people as I am constantly thinking about my teeth. I've basically put my whole social circle on hold until I can get this sorted.

I've had enough. I have decided I am going to get dental crowns once I have had our child (currently pregnant) and finally feel good about myself. This is going to set me back £9000. Money I have saved up on my own. DP and I don't share finances. I am financially better off than he is.

He says I am being ridiculously selfish for spending that much and that I should just get over it. He also says that white fake crowns will look bad, and he is not sure he will be as attracted to me. He wants to get married in the future and I have told him that there is no way that is going to happen until I get this fixed and I can smile on my wedding day.

AIBU for just going through with this despite what he thinks?!

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 12/04/2018 08:04

Not all teeth are white. In fact teeth vary in colour from white to yellow. My little girl brushes her teeth twice a day and she obviously doesn’t smoke and her teeth have a slight twinge and the dentist said it’s fine. My other little girl brushes her teeth less often but doesn’t eat she had brown bits on her back teeth and I was worried thinking it was decay but no, her teeth are healthy and fine that’s just her colour. In the nicest way it would be better to get over it but as I don’t know you or your teeth I can’t really say if that’s possible. We do tend to see our teeth as worse than they are. My teeth aren’t great and I have fillings and they are yellow as I used to smoke, they are also very crooked and could do with having braces for a while, but they are mine and that’s enough for me. Once I had my kids I cared a lot less as there was more important things to worry about. I don’t see how he could be less attracted to you unless the procedure went a bit Ryan Clark and then honestly? I’m with him and it could look unnatural and become off putting. It’s nice that he doesn’t see an issue with your teeth and they don’t bother him, they may not be noticed by anyone else if not by him. Who brought up the “mummy makeover”? If you had mentioned it then I don’t see an issue with also mentioning it and understanding why especially if you have lost weight etc I won’t be calling him names because that isn’t my place and you know him a lot better. How do you think the comments on the makeover were given?

Mrsmorton · 12/04/2018 08:24

@Ladiva1971 was the cost of that included in your treatment package?

Do you think a year is a reasonable guarantee?

PeanutbutterBuns · 12/04/2018 08:27

What bothers me is that he actually has had the nerve to suggest I get a mummy make-over when we are done having children!

I really hope this is fake if it isn't you're making a fucking horrible mistake having a child with this person. Grim. GRIM.

And I started out on his side.

All that aside considering your wages you would not be at all unreasonable to spend 9000 anyway you like. Should have mentioned that in the OP though as 9000 is make or break for a lot of people.

PeanutbutterBuns · 12/04/2018 08:28

Also all surgery carries a risk of, you know, death.

He's prepared to take that for you to tighten up.

Nice.

Dozer · 12/04/2018 08:35

Yeah, he sounds like a catch Hmm

Ladiva1971 · 12/04/2018 08:41

MrsMorton Having the stitches removed do you mean? No it wasn't. The year guarantee is for if the surgeon has failed to achieve the results he promised he will do his best to correct it, the actual lift lasts 10 years, but takes up to 18 months to recover fully from.

FizzyGreenWater · 12/04/2018 08:54

Two things:

I get what folk are saying re family money. Usually, partners with a baby on the way pool finances - or, it's generally healthier when they do and if they aren't, it can be a sign of a problem. However, this situation seems a little different. They have clearly long agreed on separate finances and it looks to my cynical eye that the DP is more than happy with this where it doesn't affect him - note that OP has saved up HER money to cover HER maternity leave - hmmmm not hearing the DP protesting here that it's just as much his baby and why should she bear all the financial burden? If the separate finances are in themselves the sign of a problem - then from where I'm sitting it looks as if it's certainly not just OP with the 'out for myself' attitude to money. All I can say is that as it's OP having the baby then bloody good thing she's the higher earner, eh?

Secondly - I don't like the sound of your DP. He might indeed have a bit of a point about a lot of money being spent on a cosmetic procedure... but oops, he actually doesn't does he - because it's clearly fine when that money is being spent on something HE deems worth it to him - boobs jobs which he likes the idea of = fine, tooth whitening which he can't see the benefit of = strop time. More than that, his response shows real lack of care about how you feel - he can see the tooth thing affects your confidence and he doesn't give a shit about it - his answer is pretty much pull yourself together. Nice. (However, he moans about you not smiling, but can't seem to put those two facts together in his head. So, thick too. Hmm, another strike.) What really seals is is the way he has tried to put you off - basically threatening you. Maybe he won't fancy you any more with different teeth, so watch out. They might look really shit too. Ok. What kind of shithead says this to the pregnant partner standing in front of them?

My advice: Get your teeth done. Don't get married and keep your finances just as separate as you always have, and watch and wait with this one. Sadly, he really doesn't sound like a very nice man when the chips are down.

Mrsmorton · 12/04/2018 10:59

@Ladiva1971 how much did you have to pay for the stitches to be removed?

Ladiva1971 · 12/04/2018 11:04

Nothing as I am an NHS patient and I have a GP, I had back surgery 2 years ago and the same nurse removed the staples. Not wanting to hijack the thread feel free to inbox me if you need more details.

ElizaDontlittle · 12/04/2018 11:26

I'd spend a few hundred on some counselling first OP, to work out what's going on in your relationship and then to see if you can get to a point where you can accept your physical self.

I have severe dental fluorosis (brown dots all over my teeth) as does my sister - she's had some cosmetic work at the front, I've worked on myself and just accept it now. You can do it.

Mrsmorton · 12/04/2018 15:04

I assumed the NHS would be involved in your cosmetic work somewhere. Thanks, I don’t need any more info.

Astrabees · 16/04/2018 13:52

When I had my implants (in UK, 4 hours drive away) I removed my own stitches, it was very easy.

SilverBirchTree · 16/04/2018 14:00

It may seem silly to some. But it’s impacting your quality of life, and it’s within your means to fix it.

Go for it, it’s worth it to you.

peacheachpearplum · 16/04/2018 14:12

I've got a crown I've had for nearly 30 years, it's still fine. I had a choice of having it removed or having a crown I was surprised how many friends thought it was a waste of money.

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 16/04/2018 14:18

Your DP is a massive hypocrite for complaining about you spending money for cosmetic work on your teeth but telling you it'd be a good idea to spend what would probably be a similar amount on a different area of your body. That alone would make me much less likely to pay any attention to his views on this point.

That said, I agree with other posters about the wisdom of drastic, cosmetic dental work on healthy teeth that will avoidably cost you thousands more in the future. I especially wouldn't do it while you're pregnant. See what your teeth look like after you've given birth and, if applicable, breastfed, and then make an informed decision.

DailyWailSucksSnails · 16/04/2018 14:39

Get some 2nd (& 3rd?) opinions about treatment options.

I may be misinformed...

Doesn't OP want veneers, not crowns?

I thought to have crowns dentist has to (finish) killing the roots. Then file the tooth down (the thought of it is pretty awful). Normally crowns are done when the only alternative is to lose the tooth completely, but the tooth will never be as strong as natural tooth & crowns don't last forever, they fall out. I wouldn't get a load of crowns if it made many of my teeth weaker in long term & I have to face up to replacements in (avg, can be shorter) 20 yrs. Esp. when OP is so young. Any procedure has risks. Make sure you know what the risks are, anyway.

alanspear · 16/09/2021 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Valeriekat · 17/09/2021 07:07

Do it!

1099 · 17/09/2021 07:17

Probably sorted by now, this thread is 3 years old.

Narutocrazyfox · 17/09/2021 07:28

Do it. I did, and it will change your life!

Whilst it's fine to take your partner's feelings into consideration, he clearly doesn't understand. I've missed important social events in the past because of my teeth - I have has them fixed now, but wish I had done it 10 years ago. The feeling of being able to smile with confidence is incredible!!!

forinborin · 17/09/2021 07:30

OP, I also join the chorus of looking to do it abroad. It is usually higher quality and significantly lower cost. I am not exactly sure what is it that you want done, but people quoted £10K+ in the UK for cosmetic dentistry had it done for less than £3K with my own dentist back home (a really fancy / posh one, with celebrity clientele) - plus had a short holiday out of it too, in a place they would have never thought of going otherwise.

Maybe I need to switch careers to medical tourism organiser Grin

forinborin · 17/09/2021 07:31

Just noticed it is a zombie. Hope the OP has her teeth now.

Spiindoctor · 17/09/2021 07:32

Surely you can get them properly lightened or veneers.

DillonPanthersTexas · 17/09/2021 07:37

Seems to be a lot of zombie threads these days.

Brindisi32 · 17/09/2021 08:02

Your partner is suggesting you could have an invasive ‘mummy makeover’ but doesn’t want you to have your teeth crowned? I’d find those comments offensive and controlling.

If you’re confident about your dentist’s cosmetic work, go for it! Your teeth are important and it’s great to have a lovely smile.

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