Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend 9k on dental crowns - DP annoyed!

222 replies

theforeignwoman · 11/04/2018 15:30

To put it briefly, I am only 27 years old and have grim, yellow teeth that are only getting worse no matter what I do. They're perfectly straight and quite nice if you disregard the colour of them, but I have had to have a number of fillings throughout the past two years and no matter how good care I take of them, I still end up with chipped back teeth and cavaties. I have spent a fortune on teeth whitening just to at least brighten them up a bit but it's no good.

DP partner complains that I never smile. I even cover my mouth when I speak to strangers. I can't get myself to make friends or meet new people as I am constantly thinking about my teeth. I've basically put my whole social circle on hold until I can get this sorted.

I've had enough. I have decided I am going to get dental crowns once I have had our child (currently pregnant) and finally feel good about myself. This is going to set me back £9000. Money I have saved up on my own. DP and I don't share finances. I am financially better off than he is.

He says I am being ridiculously selfish for spending that much and that I should just get over it. He also says that white fake crowns will look bad, and he is not sure he will be as attracted to me. He wants to get married in the future and I have told him that there is no way that is going to happen until I get this fixed and I can smile on my wedding day.

AIBU for just going through with this despite what he thinks?!

OP posts:
CuntPuffin · 11/04/2018 17:27

If they do not combine incomes, why should she have to justify what she spends her earnings on? It has nothing to do with him, as his earnings have nothing to do with her.

Will this still apply once the baby arrives. Can they both just spend as much of their earnings on whatever they want with no thought for making sure the whole household is managed? How does this actually work? Surely once you cohabit with someone, even if you have separate accounts, there has to be some accountability to each other? There would be no such thing as financial abuse as people would just be able to shrug and say, it's my money, not my problem.

And I say that as someone who has separate finances after 15 years of marriage. I would not spend £9k of 'my' money on something that benefitted only me, unless DH was completely comfortable with it. I debated spending £4k of my annual bonus on laser surgery a couple of years back, but we decided against it in the end as there were other things to prioritise.

Dozer · 11/04/2018 17:29

OP hasn’t provided sufficient info for us to ascertain what she/they can afford, or whether her teeth, in reality rather than her own opinion, look bad or need treatment for health reasons. Costly cosmetic dentistry can, even if well done, be bad for health.

ReanimatedSGB · 11/04/2018 17:31

I'm another one who's slightly more concerned about your relationship than your teeth.
I wonder if this man prefers you self-conscious and is worried that you will be less inclined to stay with him if you feel happier about yourself.

Slarti · 11/04/2018 17:33

Your money, your teeth, your decision. No idea how your DP can call it "selfish" - does he think he's entitled to a share of this £9,000? Hmm

Turquoise123 · 11/04/2018 17:36

Clearly this is causing you real worry and for that I am sorry.

I wonder if it might be worth going to see a dentist purely for a second opinion as to the colour of your teeth and their general state so that you can get a view on whether how you are feeling is appropriate ? Say when you make the appointment that you just want advice . I have done this before and found it v useful.

If crowns are a sensible option then I really don't understand what his issue is. He seem uninformed about crowns - they are not detectable (certainly not for £9K) and his comments about not finding you attractive seem very strange indeed.

TBH it sounds as if he is stressed by the fact that you are the one with the money....

Original poster
theforeignwoman · 11/04/2018 17:37

OK, just to clear up a few things. We are not on a bad income. I'm on £43 with no debts and DP is on £30 and minimal student debt. We live in a very cheap part of the country with our first child on the way. Maternity leave is all saved up for.

What bothers me is that he actually has had the nerve to suggest I get a mummy make-over when we are done having children! I guess I should have mentioned that earlier on. I don't think I am being unrealistic about my teeth's appearance (I've gotten comments such as, "oh you have such lovely teeth, shame about the colour!") nor do I think this is a mental issue. I have pretty good self and used to be very confident before all these issues with my teeth (in fact, some would probably say I need a lipo and a tummy tuck on top of the dental crowns!) Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
theforeignwoman · 11/04/2018 17:38

43 and 30 thousand, of course. Sorry!

OP posts:
Arapaima · 11/04/2018 17:39

What does he mean by a mummy make over? Your teeth or something else??

rainbowfudgee · 11/04/2018 17:40

I found out a few months ago that a savings plan I'd paid £25 per month into for 10 years had matured and was worth almost £5k. I put £3k into it in total and never really noticed the payments going out as it was such a small amount.

I decided to get invisalign to straighten my teeth. My savings, my decision. So pleased I decided to do it. It also includes whitening via gel in the trays

Why didn't your whitening work?

My best friend thinks I'm crazy and should have spent it on a holiday. But we already can afford a foreign holiday plus UK holiday plus a couple of weekends breaks. Seeing my teeth move is amazing.

Esspee · 11/04/2018 17:40

So.......you have chosen to have a baby with someone who has not committed to marrying you......now you are proposing to spend a shitload of money on a vanity project.........OK!
So what was your question?

NKFell · 11/04/2018 17:41

Your money, your teeth, your decision.

^^ This!

TrickyD · 11/04/2018 17:42

I understand your not wanting to leave your baby by going abroad, but Hungary would only involve an initial two nights away then another two or three nights a couple of months later. Not as long as involved with a trip to Thailand.

Nobeachbody · 11/04/2018 17:46

Go for it. Cosmetic dentistry is simply amazing nowadays, and can make a HUGE difference to your appearance. And if you are so self conscious to the extent that you won't even smile, yet there is a treatment out there that will give you huge amounts of confidence, I don't know what you're waiting for if you can afford it. .I don't think you will regret it!

llangennith · 11/04/2018 17:46

Get your teeth done! Your teeth are with you day in day out and you’ll feel much more confident and happier with nice white teeth.
It’s horrible having bad looking teeth.

Nobeachbody · 11/04/2018 17:47

Escapee just to add, this is obviously more than a vanity project. The OP is clearly inhibited by her appearance to the extent that it is affecting her social life. If she can afford it, why shouldn't she invest the money in herself if its going to make her feel so much better about herself? just a shame her partner isn't a bit more supportive.

TroubledLichen · 11/04/2018 17:49

Another vote for your money, your teeth.

As you can more than afford it the only reasons I can think of that he’d be bothered by this are either your teeth are absolutely fine and he thinks the dentist is taking advantage of your insecurities by persuading you into unnecessary and expensive work, he thinks he should get a share of your savings, or your teeth are as bad as you say but he doesn’t want you to feel good about yourself.

Unfortunately I’m leaning towards the last one based on his suggestion that you get a ‘mummy makeover’ like there’s something wrong with your appearance.

SweetLike · 11/04/2018 17:50

If you had whitening done by your current dentist and it wasn't good, do you think your current dentist is the right one to do more work? I'd be concerned the whitening was a waste of money and be wary of their advice.

It's your teeth, I would find an amazing non NHS dentist, not your regular one but one who does a lot of cosmetic work not mainly structural so to speak. Budapest isn't far, you could make a weekend if it with DP and baby in tow. It's one of my favourite places Smile

BruceFoxton · 11/04/2018 17:53

I spent over £11K on 11 crowns in 2001-2002 and they are still chomping away fine. If your teeth aren't good, nothing's good.

LineysRunn · 11/04/2018 17:53

Typical 'mummy make over':

"Our Mummy Makeover procedure involves the combination of Tummy Tuck, Breast Surgery, Liposuction and Facial procedures to restore your before- pregnancy look."

Nice.

stateschool · 11/04/2018 17:55

Go for it. You have one set of teeth to do you forever so it’s worth the money. Think of what you’ll spend in the future on things like commuting, cars, bloody furniture etc etc none of which are as important as your confidence and teeth . this seems to me to be important for your mental well being and health

stateschool · 11/04/2018 17:57

I’mmanout To dip into ‘our’ money by the way for expensive dental work and my DP wouldn’t dream of telling me that I couldn’t or shouldn’t .

Arapaima · 11/04/2018 17:58

If Liney is right then he sounds like an arse. He'd be fine with you having a tummy tuck or boob job but not getting your teeth improved?!

Original poster
theforeignwoman · 11/04/2018 18:00

By mummy-make over he suggested I could get my tummy tightened up and breasts lifted. I used to be quite overweight and lost a lot of weight and thus have quite a few stretch marks and some lose skin, and he is baffled why I am not bothered by this as much as I am bothered by my teeth.

It never struck me to have any kind of tummy tuck or boob job as I strangely enough am quite happy enough with my body as it is, so I took great offense at this.

OP posts:
Mybrows · 11/04/2018 18:00

Honestly if my husband spent £9k on cosmetic procedures it would be entirely his choice but it would affect how I see him a bit, as it would make him more vain and shallow than I currently think he is and I would find it extremely selfish when that money could be used for so many better things for our children and the life we are building together. And no I don't believe feeling self conscious is fixed by making yourself look more 'perfect', I think that's work you need to do on your mind not your body. Like I say, your body your choice, but your husband has a right to form opinions about you based on your choices.

Polly99 · 11/04/2018 18:04

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to spend money on teeth. They have to last a long time! But how long do these veneers /crowns last? It’s one thing if it is ‘once and done’ but may be different If you are signing up for a lifetime of (expensive, time consuming etc) upkeep.

Swipe left for the next trending thread