To spend 9k on dental crowns - DP annoyed!

[theforeignwoman]

To put it briefly, I am only 27 years old and have grim, yellow teeth that are only getting worse no matter what I do. They're perfectly straight and quite nice if you disregard the colour of them, but I have had to have a number of fillings throughout the past two years and no matter how good care I take of them, I still end up with chipped back teeth and cavaties. I have spent a fortune on teeth whitening just to at least brighten them up a bit but it's no good.

DP partner complains that I never smile. I even cover my mouth when I speak to strangers. I can't get myself to make friends or meet new people as I am constantly thinking about my teeth. I've basically put my whole social circle on hold until I can get this sorted.

I've had enough. I have decided I am going to get dental crowns once I have had our child (currently pregnant) and finally feel good about myself. This is going to set me back £9000. Money I have saved up on my own. DP and I don't share finances. I am financially better off than he is.

He says I am being ridiculously selfish for spending that much and that I should just get over it. He also says that white fake crowns will look bad, and he is not sure he will be as attracted to me. He wants to get married in the future and I have told him that there is no way that is going to happen until I get this fixed and I can smile on my wedding day.

AIBU for just going through with this despite what he thinks?!

I bet If it was a male posting this problem there would be a lot of screeching about "family money"

Women always screech don't they? Terrible really.

YANBU.

Is he financing part of your maternity leave though? After all it's his baby too. Sorry, this may seem off topic, but it is sort of relevant in terms of his general attitude to money.

I know the OP said he isn't but I don't see men as financing their partner's maternity leave. I see them as contributing to the cost of their child! IN most cases it would cost more for baby nursery care.

But anyway OP, in your limited case where you have decided to keep your finances seperate and if you plan to go back to work after maternity leave I guess that's your business. I think saying he won't fancy you is a nasty bit of blackmail. You're having his child will he not fancy you with stretch marks?!

That all said, I'd be less than impressed with dh spending 9,000 on his teeth when we were having a child together! We don't have much money though. WOuld you normally speak to eachother about large purchases? Would he need yto discuss it with you to buy a 9,000 pound car for example?

I actually have 8 molar crowns in total. I got the first 31 years ago, it is still in place! one did come loose once, but the dentist cleaned it up and reset it.

9K sounds a lot to me - I speak from experience as someone with a mouth full of bridges, crowns and 2 implants. You don't say how many teeth you are having done but you might want to get a second quote. I had two bridges replaced free of charge on the NHS when I was covered by maternity exemption.

Women always screech don't they? Terrible really.

Must that pesky hysterical gene

Must be*

Also have you looked in to the costs of going abroad for it? And also veeers need fixing in a couple years don't they? Will you have the money then?

up to you seems a lot of money maybe look somewhere cheaper

not sure about that comment thnat he might not find u attractive anymore-thats a bit off

OP, I would be wary of doing this. You have relatively healthy teeth, even if you think they are too yellow and you have a few fillings. Won't crowning them all mean that the healthy teeth will be ground down for the crown to be put on top? Also you are only 27, the crowns will need replacing during your life, maybe more than once.

What whitening process did you use, was it via the dentist?

I have already thought of going abroad, but hate the thought of having to leave the country when I have my baby. Plus, I'd prefer getting this done via my own dentist who has already done a number of fillings etc. on me.

I have had teeth whitening done at the dentist twice [£800!], but it has been no good.

It’s your money... BUT your description of you teeth makes me wonder if you have dentingenisis Imperfecta, or a similar genetic condition making your teeth more brittle that normal... that matters because destructive dentistry such as bridges, crowns, veneers or even standard amalgam fillings can be a VERY bad idea if you have one of these conditions due to the stress they put on the structural integrity of the tooth.

Sorry for the essay, but a number of my extended family have DI and have suffered so appalling dental disasters as a result of the condition not being recognised, and inappropriate treatment given... such as teeth shattering during root canal work... although there seems to be more awareness of these conditions now than in the recent past.

Do you know what your baby teeth were like? Did they wear down very fast, chip, look an odd colour?

If you suspect that your teeth are in someway “not normal” then I suggest you get a specialist dental opinion before getting any work done. There are less destructive new methods of veneering that involve bonding a thin layer of composite filling material to the tooth surface... we are considering this for a young relative whose adult front feet are slightly malformed due to DI - my (standard nhs) dentist has advised us a that traditional veneering methods would cause significant damage to the teeth. Family members have also been referred by her to a specialist dental team for particularly risky work, and that’s worked out well.

I’d say if you are prepared to pay that sort of money on your teeth, make sure it’s spent on the treatment that’s best for the long term health (and beauty!) of your teeth... and yes, I do think it’s absolutely justifiable, because I’ve seen the difference good restorative dental work can make to someone’s appearance and confidence

YANBU.
It negatively effects the way you live your life, I personally wouldn't want yellow teeth and know it would massively knock my confidence too.
You have the money in place, I don't think it is selfish at all. My BIL is currently having very expensive laser hair removal as he has zero body confidence and won't partake in swimming or holiday activities where he needs to expose any part of his body. He is supported by us all as we would rather him happy than miserable with more money in the bank.
Good luck OP!

It seems like a dramatic and expensive treatment for a minor problem. Are there other alternatives? I agree it's important to feel confident about your smile but this is quite drastic.

I'd put any decisions on hold for a year or two. I found my perspective on money changed after starting a family and my money was spent on things like car, house because I reduced my working hours. That isn't to say you shouldn't spend money on yourself of course.

Its your money, but I would never spend that much! It would probably be cheaper to get them removed and get a decent denture, which is what I would do, but then again, I am a lot older than you.

If you can afford it then go for it.

I hate my teeth, I developed a stain on my teeth when I was a teen, a dentist decided to drill away the stain and fill it, all fine for a few months then the filling turned to brown specks on my teeth. It knocked my confidence so much and I learnt to smile without showing my teeth and would talk with my hand in front of my mouth. I have had a small amount of work to improve them but I still hate my teeth. If I could afford it I would get them sorted but it would probably mean implants (which I will never be able to afford).

I think you should go for it, your young and it’s obviously effecting you.

Sorry, I think this IS family money. You cannot ring fence money for something you want yourself and exclude from the calculations.

If he had say £50k in savings but took out £30k for a sports car and stated he had £20k family money I suspect PP would be screaming blue murder.

Having said that £8k is a lot of money and I can spend like water. With a new baby on the way are you sure that the rest of your family savings can take that hit

At your age, I thought about getting veneers for the same reason you have cited and decided against it. These crowns will need replacing several times over your lifetime so this isn’t a one off deal. What happens if you can’t afford to replace them in 15/20/25 years time?

You’re so young and could live another 75 years and if your teeth degenerate, then you’ll be into dental implant territory.

You will have to take advice. However, I think I read that jaws degenerate once teeth are removed and then dental implants are used. If the jaw bone degenerates too much, you will not be able to use implants.

In your quest for the perfect colour of teeth, you may be setting yourself up for a wealth of issues. Discoloured teeth isn’t really the worst thing in life.

How long will they last and will you be able to afford to replace them in future?

I say absolutely go for it.

I had horrible teeth. Full of fillings, thin and getting thinner, and not very white. Years of taking care of them could never repair the damage of ignoring them in childhood. I waited until I was approaching my 50th birthday, but then decided to go for it. Total mouth overhaul. It cost me $25,000 (that was with a 15% discount for paying in one go. It was the best thing I've ever done for me. Literally. I may be fat and wrinkled and graying, but I have a lovely smile.

Do it!

Have you looked at composite veneers? They don't need to damage your teeth underneath as much as with crowns/porcelain veneers and they're much, much cheaper. My dentist quoted £150 per tooth and said they'd last up to 10yrs. Also a better option if you grind your teeth.

Not quite the same level of cash but I spent £2k on braces after developing a huge gap in my front teeth. The gap was growing and affecting my other teeth but it was still classed as a cosmetic, and taking the plunge was the best thing I ever did - I feel so much more confident now and beam in photos rather than doing my little closed smile. I hadn't realised how much it affected me until afterwards.
If you have the cash I say go for it.

“They don't do metal fillings here, only white (metal fillings are a UK thing), so now a have white lovely teeth”

What????

But it isn't "family" money Hillingdon.
OP states that they have seperate finances -she has saved up herself from her income as he may have done himself from his wage. If they do not combine incomes, why should she have to justify what she spends her earnings on? It has nothing to do with him, as his earnings have nothing to do with her. If he saves up 50k and spends on a sports car with his money than that is up to him surely. If they choose to keep their finances seperate and each earn their own money the other person has no right to a say. I presume they pay equally into the house and bills.

Hi, first time commenter but i had to reply :)

I've struggled for a number of years with 'lack of cleavage' for want of a better term.
Had no self confidence (not that it's all about looks blah blah blah) but i had nothing, in a t-shirt i felt like a boy! so my DP and I decided for my MH as much as anything to have surgery.

Providing it isn't a decision taken lightly (with it doesn't sound like it is) i would 100% go for it! I feel completely different and more myself,
Surely your DP would understand you aren't happy? It is alot of Money but teeth are so worth the money, and your long-term happiness