Not paying for wedding guests

[pleasingeveryone]

Hi all,

Me and DP have a 7 month old baby and got engaged last year.

We are planning our wedding and when we've looked into it all we actually just want something small and intimate.

We are in the process of moving home and having a small baby, we are short on cash. Me and DP are planning on marrying next summer in Spain (legal part here, blessing with us two and DC out there).

Are we cheeky in saying to our close family and very few closest friends that there is no "formal" invite. They are all welcome to attend but would need to pay themselves.

Is this extremely cheeky? Or are we best just saying, me and DP are going to get married and leave it at that?

Attend what though?

Oh and no "formal" invite as we don't want people to feel they HAVE to come

You either have a wedding "do" or you don't.

The problem with this is, I think those close to you, do feel they HAVE to come.

Parents and siblings are attending regardless. It's just friends we were unsure about as we won't be paying

To the blessing or the legal bit? If money is an issue, could you have close family at the registry office and a small buffet/ pub lunch after, but no formal do?

Attending WHAT though?

If you are doing the legal part here, then why not just invite your parents to the registry office and then to the pub for a drink?

YANBU. Any weddings abroad I know of guests have laid for themselves. Couple have paid for a meal/buffet but nothing else. Occasionally if there is an important family member unable to pay couple or parents might pay for them but definately not normal to pay for guests to attend.

Will your parents be able to afford it or upset to miss it? that's the only thing that would hold me back.

Why get married here and have a blessing?

Why not a wedding and honeymoon?

Which bit are they paying for? A holiday in Spain or a visit to the registry office?

Attend the legal ceremony or the blessing in Spain?or both?what,if any,sort of celebrations will you have?

We are in the same position and have decided to just go away and get married as part of a holiday. No guests at all. We just can’t justify the expense when we have so many other things that require the money st the moment.

Sorry to confirm.

We are going to be having a holiday and ceremony/blessing in Spain. Our families of which ARE coming to.

Our friends are welcome to come and attend the blessing, have a whole holiday, do whatever the hell they like.

As this isn't LEGAL we and two witnesses would be attending the registry office here to make it legal.

I have been to a wedding like before - the couple told everyone a year in advance: we are getting married on x date in x European location. If you would like to choose to take a holiday there at the same time and join us, that would be lovely, but there is no pressure at all. Only close friends and family.

It worked very well for a close group. But I'm sure you will get told it's a dreadful thing on here.

You would need to do some organisation and communication obviously, and I think you should host (and pay for) a meal afterwards for those who join you. But time and cost wise a whole lot less than a wedding in the UK.

I think, if you are completely open and honest about it, it can work well.

We are going to be having a holiday and ceremony/blessing in Spain. Our families of which ARE coming to

Yes but no meal, party, whatever? Are you saying people can come on holiday to the same place as you, attend a non wedding, and then go back to the beach? Are you not even offering dinner?

Yes but no meal, party, whatever? Are you saying people can come on holiday to the same place as you, attend a non wedding, and then go back to the beach? Are you not even offering dinner?

Why does it matter if the OP isn't offering dinner?

Is everything is laid out open and honestly in the beginning, it's entirely up to the OP how to do it all.

Of course there'll be some sort of do after. They'll be paying for their flights/hotel hence why they can come or go as they please for as long or short as they want.

Registry office only allows two witnesses so we'd be leaving someone's parents or doing it that way.

By doing it this way, we get our ceremony abroad and can do a honeymoon at the same time - cutting costs.

Spain doesn't require us to do as Greece etc where we need to be there 8 days beforehand.

Why does it matter if the OP isn't offering dinner?

Of course it matters! "would you like to come and celebrate our wedding with us" is very different to "you can come and look at a ceremony and then bugger off again"!

I would personally not invite friends abroad as it will then become tricky deciding who to invite/not invite and people may feel put out if they can't afford it.

Could you have a pub lunch/buffet after the registry office bit with a few drinks for friends?

Just don't invite anyone beyond your immediate family who you say are already planning to come.

You're getting married finally. Congratulations. You don't need everyone there; just tell them you got married when you get home.

When did the legal vows become less important than a blessing or a party or a watch us being blessed then bog off ?

I don't dislike evening only invitations because I'm on list B, I dislike them as the marriage ceremony is the bit I want to see as the most important.

They're not really 'guests' then are they?

I wouldn’t travel for a non-wedding, but maybe your friends would.

The registry office only allows two witnesses? I think you'll find that's not right. Four people officially witnessed our marriage and signed the register. I've been to registry office weddings with 50+ guests.

Yes it's cheeky. Either invite people or don't invite them. You can't have it both ways. There is no formal invite. Another way of saying pay for yourselves. Pathetic!