Not paying for wedding guests

[pleasingeveryone]

Hi all,

Me and DP have a 7 month old baby and got engaged last year.

We are planning our wedding and when we've looked into it all we actually just want something small and intimate.

We are in the process of moving home and having a small baby, we are short on cash. Me and DP are planning on marrying next summer in Spain (legal part here, blessing with us two and DC out there).

Are we cheeky in saying to our close family and very few closest friends that there is no "formal" invite. They are all welcome to attend but would need to pay themselves.

Is this extremely cheeky? Or are we best just saying, me and DP are going to get married and leave it at that?

@MrsCatE welcome you can't just click your fingers and get MN to delete whole threads. You can report individual posts if you feel they break the MN talk guidelines or serve as a personal attack.

You need to provide a meal and some alcohol as a minimum.

@MrsCatE perhaps you would like to leave evil MNers behind. Cheerio

@MrsCatE

OP. YANBU!!! I have no idea why your initial posts have attracted such vitriol. Perhaps jealousy??! Flee OP, flee!! Or, on other hand do what ever the f^k, you want to and leave evil MNs behind.

To quote a famous line by the EVIL MNers.... are you on glue?

Jealousy?

Jealous of someone having a trip to Spain?

And a wedding with no fucker there who I know expect my parents, the groom, and HIS parents?!

What a load of massive bollocks. 😛😂😁

mrscatE

Please people, stop being so horrible and attaching your own issues to OP's original posts? This is vile behaviour to a new mum. I'm new so don't know how to get MN to delete this load of nastiness.

Oh get a grip woman! There is no 'nastiness...' And what has the OP being a 'new mum' got to do with anything!

You are VERRRRRRY defensive of the OP by the way. I wonder why......, ...... 🙄🙄🙄

And the OP has gone terribly quiet!

I hear NM is much nicer this time of the year.

OP you are asking in the wrong place because mumsnet is a parallel universe when it comes to weddings. What you are describing about ceremony in U.K. and blessing over there is what most people do for destination weddings. No one in the real world would expect you to pay for flights/accommodation. You have to be prepared not to be offended if people aren’t able to come. The only thing I would say, as i don’t think it’s clear from your posts, if you are asking people to spend hundreds of pounds coming to your wedding you need to be prepared to feed them a proper meal after the ceremony.

Have you considered a trip to Maui instead OP?

Get married here , go on honeymoon abroad . Job done

Yup. To all of you, toodle pips and bye! Not worth this amount of cr&p to stand up for OP! We are women, let us ROAR! On, other hand, we'll just bitch and be nasty. Off to make Lemonade; Beyonce? Can you hear me?

Bye!

See ya! @MrsCatE. Take care not to drown in your river of tears.......

We are women, let us ROAR

Calm down Katy Perry

Omg let us ROAR made me snort my Horlicks

We hiss. It's well known.

@MrsCatofE I think you’ll find Netmums more suited to your own type of posting. You can Roar and make Lemonade to your heart’s content, and you can even use symbols in your swear words!

Here we actually rule out our full swear words, like grownups!

Beyonce? Can you hear me?

Well that went weird!

OP, I agree with this:

The only thing I would say, as i don’t think it’s clear from your posts, if you are asking people to spend hundreds of pounds coming to your wedding you need to be prepared to feed them a proper meal after the ceremony, with the addition that you do also need to make it clear that the blessing is not the actual wedding - otherwise you will almost get people complaining that they didn't actually get to see you get married for real

I'd read it as:

We're skint so we aren't having a big wedding. However, we want maximum fuss made of us for minimal financial input. Feel free to use your own money and annual leave to gatecrash our honeymoon where we will re-enact the wedding you weren't actually invited to. Cava and olives will be provided. Maybe. No pressure, honest. Come or don't come...whatever.

MrsCatE...catty alright & I bet the cat’s first name is Sox.

Let me get this straight. You say you can only have 2 witnesses at the Reg Office. So as you can't afford to spend £50-£300 on hiring a slightly bigger room at the RO you want your parents, siblings and now friends to spend £££ on traveling to Spain for a blessing???

We tried to do this this year. We got married in Mexico, we'd spoken to close friends and family first and all said they were in. The plan was registry office a couple of days before to make it legal, parents, siblings and elderly grandparents unable to travel only, except MIL invited half the family before we sent invites or had set a date and we find out when people kept saying they were so excited to be invited (err you weren't..?), so then I had to invite mine to avoid awkwardness (all the stuff we were going to avoid by marrying abroad). We ended up at a very nice registry office and then afternoon tea at a pretty village hall locally, home made and Costco catering, tea and prosecco all of which we paid for, it really didn't cost much maybe £1000 all in including registry office and I succumbed to a second dress as I didn't want to lose that first look moment. Then we went to Mexico, we paid for our trip and the wedding including meals, drinks for all on the day, we also paid for bridesmaids dresses, suits for groomsmen etc (I was shocked to realise some people don't). We then had a big party when we got back for everyone (150ish) unable to attend what we consider to be our wedding (Mexico), welcome drink for all, retro sweet bar and a Mexican food truck to cater. I don't regret it and it was wonderful, it was the most beautiful place to get married, but I essentially had to plan three weddings. We were very casual about the Mexico invites and did it via a FB group to say, 'look we know this is a huge ask, and there is no expectation at all, but this is where we're getting married, we even suggested people look at alternative resorts or air BnB as our resort was pricy but those who came chose to stay at the same resort as us. Make sure if you marry abroad to get some honeymoon time. Our registry was on a Friday, most of our wedding party flew in the Saturday for ten days (it's a long way to go for a week) we flew on the Monday for two weeks so we had a week all together and a week as newlyweds.

FASH that sounds lovely.
You provided TWO meals for the guest and were clear about what the Mexico but was.

Cripes, FASH84, I can’t even fathom three weddings... it seems so self indulgent, esp if the couple are from and live in the same country.