Not paying for wedding guests

[pleasingeveryone]

Hi all,

Me and DP have a 7 month old baby and got engaged last year.

We are planning our wedding and when we've looked into it all we actually just want something small and intimate.

We are in the process of moving home and having a small baby, we are short on cash. Me and DP are planning on marrying next summer in Spain (legal part here, blessing with us two and DC out there).

Are we cheeky in saying to our close family and very few closest friends that there is no "formal" invite. They are all welcome to attend but would need to pay themselves.

Is this extremely cheeky? Or are we best just saying, me and DP are going to get married and leave it at that?

So once you’ve gone down to the register office with your two witness what do you do then just go home? or go for a bite to eat somewhere with the two witness?

So will you be having any kind of celebration for any family or friends who are unable to attend the blessing in Spain once you get back, or is it just sorry we don’t want to pay for the bigger room at the register office otherwise we will have to feed you after which will cost, so one way round it is I know let’s just say getting married in register office with only two witness as don’t or can’t afford a bigger room to accommodate family and friends, but we’re having a blessing in Spain so if you can afford it join us but hopefully you can’t so saves us some money on food and drink we may provide after.

Jesus it does sound a bit grim, your wedding your choice but it sounds very cost cutting, just go to register office the two of you and then go on a family holiday because that’s what it essentially is.

Only just realised you're not even getting married in Spain. So what exactly are people coming for. No wedding and no reception.

I got what you meant, OP - you are doing things sensibly for your budget and in a way that includes family but are not excluding wider friends.

Think people are a bit confused about registry office weddings: the registry office may offer a room ( or rooms) that can hold guests and which can be decorated etc but they also have to offer a simple ceremony at minimal cost for those who just want the legal event. For example our local town hall offers about 3 room sizes, different lengths of hire etc and reception facilities but they also offer a Wednesday morning in whichever room is available , 2 witnesses only no decor, no photos allowed, no frills for £54 in total. Having a few more frills, decor, music, different days etc is so much more expensive, even 2 more guests makes it £200-500 for the smallest room and much more for the larger rooms.

I don’t give a shit if the ceremony is legally binding.
I give a shit whether I’m getting fed.

I got what OP meant, I don't think people read through properly. YANBU. I would think family and real friends would commend you being financially prudent and not wasting money on the whole shebang of a dress worn only once, fighting bridesmaids, one upping MIL / SILS, other tired and emotional relatives etc. Just some of the wedding experiences written on this forum!

We read properly, OP doesn't specify any of the details. If you think you read them you made them up

Think people are a bit confused about registry office weddings:

I don’t think people are confused. I think they get the concept of that I just think they don’t understand why you would do that then have another non wedding abroad.

If the op is having a ceremony and party abroad that’s different but from what I can gather it’s just a ceremony and some nibbles.

fruitbrewhaha

Most people here in the UK get married and have the celebration on the same day. Its very unusual not to.

The standing in front of all the people your know and respect, which adds weight to a marriage ceremony yes if you are actually getting married...not just for a blessing, this just isnt the same for a lot of people. And certainly not when you have to go abroad for it either.

Teacuphiccup

LOL!

I got what OP meant, I don't think people read through properly

What?? I read through it and there was nothing in it about what she was actually planning to do!

I’ve been to lots of weddings where they don’t have a license so the couple get married the day before at a registry office. That doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

Why not invite friends and family for a celebration after the wedding in the registry office in the UK? I think lots of people - who have read the thread perfectly well - are confused by the OPs reasoning of inviting them not to this but abroad after the "blessing." It doesnt really make sense, apart from the fact of course if they invited friends and family for a celebration after the wedding then it would cost them money!

Though I did once go to wedding where it turned out the couple WERENT GETTING MARRIED.
They were just pretending and didn’t legally do anything. That caused a lot of eye rolling.
They’re separated now.

Even they fed us.

So what exactly are people coming for. No wedding and no reception.

Like I said, they're going for the honeymoon. Clearly.

Teacup

Why were they pretending, that seems a daft waste of money to me!

Not at all U to have a small and intimate wedding or just family.

But at the very least I think you should pay for a meal/refreshments for any family and friends attending your ceremony. It's a way of showing respect and appreciation that they turned up. If you can't/don't wish to do that I'd keep it a private event.

They pretended to get married? That's truly bizarre!

I don’t give a shit if the ceremony is legally binding.
I give a shit whether I’m getting fed.
I'm inclined to think that this is what a lot of people will be thinking! Who wants to fork out to travel to Spain for just a glass of bubbly and the Spanish equivalent of a sausage roll & handful of crisps?
OP, you do whatever works for you but I'd suggest you make it very clear to guests exactly what you will be paying for otherwise you may find yourself on a honeymoon surrounded by grumpy ex-friends.

I did a similar thing and had a legal wedding in the uk with a small gathering in the pub afterwards and then had what we felt was the proper wedding in spain the next week. We invited all our friends as it was a bigger do complete with white dress and sit down meal but it’s very usual when you get married abroad for guests to pay their own fares and accommodation and you just pay for the meal and party like you would in the UK. Btw it was an amazing event as everyone was in a party mood and it was beautiful and sunny in a very picturesque location. Go for it! I really don’t expect anyone will imagine for one minute that an ‘invitation’ means paying for their flights and accommodation.

Haha I know it was totally nuts.

If I was her I wouldn’t have arrived him either, she had lots of money and he is a total waste of space.
All of our friends were getting married at the time and I think she wanted to join in.
It was really odd.

I would think family and real friends would commend you being financially prudent and not wasting money on the whole shebang of a dress worn only once, fighting bridesmaids, one upping MIL / SILS, other tired and emotional relatives etc.

Yes prudent in spending other people's money and holiday allowance

Going abroad for a blessing dose not equal a calm none fighting /non fall out with guests. Same stuff different location

So basically you want a destination wedding without the cost of an actually wedding attended by all your friends?

There's shoestring and tight

I'm not sure what exactly else I can say to explain but I'm AMAZED how many people find it hard to understand that people do legals here and marrry elsewhere

It’s you that’s not getting it. The ‘Legals’ is getting married. It doesn’t matter what else you do or where you do it, you are getting married in the Registry Office. End of.

Choosing to have a ‘blessing’ overseas when you’re skint seems mad to me and it seems very selfish to expect people to fly to Spain to see you getting ‘blessed’ simply to save you money. If you want to have a holiday instead of hosting guests at a wedding, then do that, but stop being disingenuous.

The "blessing overseas" thing is more common than people over here seem to think.

But, I think you need to make it clear what exactly you're doing in Spain. Because if people think they're going to a wedding complete with food/band/dj/speeches etc and they end up with a glass of cheap plonk and a sausage roll for an hour or two...well, they might feel tricked!

Re read through. OP did update and I thought it was clarified. Legal bit here with legal minimum of 2 witnesses (you can have more) followed by a religious blessing in Spain because did require 8 day residency as did some other European countries. I understand open invite to friends and family with financial parameters explained. Whatever, I just hope OP just elopes!