Not paying for wedding guests

[pleasingeveryone]

Hi all,

Me and DP have a 7 month old baby and got engaged last year.

We are planning our wedding and when we've looked into it all we actually just want something small and intimate.

We are in the process of moving home and having a small baby, we are short on cash. Me and DP are planning on marrying next summer in Spain (legal part here, blessing with us two and DC out there).

Are we cheeky in saying to our close family and very few closest friends that there is no "formal" invite. They are all welcome to attend but would need to pay themselves.

Is this extremely cheeky? Or are we best just saying, me and DP are going to get married and leave it at that?

If someone invites me with the words “you are welcome to attend “ I always feel like they are a bit take it or leave it. I would just concentrate on your family who are going to Spain and maybe organise a pub night out when you get back if you feel the need.

Bluesmartie - you have no way of knowing that. I'm going abroad for a family wedding where the legal bit will have been done in the UK and I'm extremely happy and excited about it. Not everyone hates celebrations and events the way a lot of people on here seem to.

Maybe you have. I'm happy for you 😂.

There's an option for a bigger room, but if it's ok with you, we don't want to hire the ceremony room we just want to have a legal wedding

I would be annoyed if there wasn’t a meal provided if I’d paid all that money to go over to be honest.

I think stick with close family in Spain and hire a hall and have a party when you get back.

Where have I said I'm not providing bubbly and nibbles. I have said they'll pay flights and hotel. Don't call me a CF without reading the thread

Well you never said you were so I assumed you weren’t, what with the whole thread being about how you weren’t paying for the guests and all.

I wouldn’t want nibbles though, I would expect a meal if I’d paid go all the way to Spain.

The lack of imagination on this thread is somehow appalling yet not unsurprising.

Do your thing, OP!

I don't really get the point in the spain bit if your getting legally married here, so if you asked me as a friend I would say thanks but no thanks.

If it was a legal wedding I would be happy to pay for myself

The lack of imagination on this thread is somehow appalling yet not unsurprising.

I don't see how people are being unimaginative. Most are quite rightly pointing out that the wedding will take place in the registry office and that it would be easier since the OP is on a budget to not expect people to go to Spain and instead do something in the UK. It doesn't have to lack imagination but equally there is a big difference between registry office with 2 guests and Spanish honeymoon where the guests will witness a blessing and get some bubbly and nibbles.

My DH was best man at a wedding abroad, we all paid for our on holiday only to discover later that the bride and groom had got there's free because they got a group booking discount, great aye 5 star as well!!

We're getting married but we're not having a wedding. Yes, I can get that. I can't get "fly to Spain for a week at your own expense to celebrate this non wedding, but it's so informal we're not even going to spring for dinner"
Why on earth would you think this was an ok thing to do?? Seriously, have a rethink, that is awful.

Fecking bubbles and nibbles... Have that here?!

I never heard of a registry office saying you can only have two people attending. I had two witnesses and six guests at the legal ceremony. I have attended larger ones too. It would make more sense to ask family and friends to come to the registry office bit, have a spot of lunch somewhere, and then you and your husband can go off on honeymoon to Spain and have your blessing out there. I don't understand why you are having a second ceremony though. You're already married. Is it a religious one in Spain?

I don't see how people are being unimaginative. Most are quite rightly pointing out that the wedding will take place in the registry office and that it would be easier since the OP is on a budget to not expect people to go to Spain and instead do something in the UK.

Yawn. Do we all have to do things the same way all the time?!

Ironically, quite nicely displaying the lack of imagination right there!

There's a reason practically every bride has worn white since Queen Victoria started the trend nearly 180 years ago, and imagination ain't it!!

To clarify because it's clearly not sinking in.

We looked at various overseas locations as this appears to be a lot better value for money/cheaper than doing a party here and having a honeymoon.

We have researched and you can't buy wedding packages through a well known holiday provider which includes the costs of the service, bubbly, food etc (varying in which venue it is/what package you choose).

In Greece for example, we can legally marry however we have to be in the country 8 days before the service. Having a little one, we don't want to go for that long.
In Spain, there is no time limit on arrival against the service. They do a blessing, which in my mind would be the CEREMONY and we could do the legal eother before we go or on our return. We would be doing it in the register office, which in our local one accomodates the two getti married, plus two witnesses. We can pay for a large room, but that's not what we want to do.

We are having immediate family. And we're going to offer to close friends that they are more than welcome to attend, but as we are doing our celebration overseas, we do not want to make them feel as though they have to come. We understand them paying for flights and a hotel is expensive

I'm not sure what exactly else I can say to explain but I'm AMAZED how many people find it hard to understand that people do legals here and marrry elsewhere

es, I can get that. I can't get "fly to Spain for a week at your own expense to celebrate this non wedding, but it's so informal we're not even going to spring for dinner"

One of my best friends did that recently. I went to her wedding, obviously as you want to help your close friend celebrate.

I am still a bit pissed off that she was too tight to even pay for dinner for the sub 15 guests.

She would have been better off doing a registry office do in the UK + a buffet reception and asking for cash for their honeymoon...I could have given her £500 as a gift and still been way, way better off than going abroad for a bloody week and using an entire week of leave.

@Doubletrouble99
My DH was best man at a wedding abroad, we all paid for our on holiday only to discover later that the bride and groom had got there's free because they got a group booking discount, great aye 5 star as well!!

This random gripe has nothing to do with the thread or the OP. She's not asking anyone to pay for her.

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone other people have pointed out already that the OP and lots of others don't see the registry office as the actual wedding ceremony itself. It doesn't have to be if people don't want it to be. It's literally just signing some papers with a couple of witnesses. If she wanted to do so, she could just pull two randos off the street to be witnesses. The actual ceremony and committing to one another is taking place in Spain. That is the actual wedding.

This is very very normal, i know lots of people that have had a "wedding abroad" when they've actually had a blessing and a party abroad. Its really not unusaul because nipping to a registry office in the UK cost about £35 (that's what i paid for mine) and saves a HUGE amount of money on the "wedding" abroad because the legal bit is expensive if you want to do it somewhere other than a registry office.
And not paying for flights and hotels for all your guests is also normal.
I think a lot of people are half reading the thread.

Ok, well I think it’s usual for people to pay for their own travel and accomodation to weddings so I don’t see a problem with that.

I can't get "fly to Spain for a week at your own expense to celebrate this non wedding, but it's so informal we're not even going to spring for dinner"

Then, do you know what you just don't go and enjoy whatever you want to at home.

People like me who think "how wonderful! Let's all go to Spain" go along, hopefully have a great time.

Everybody happy.

don't see the registry office as the actual wedding ceremony itself. The actual ceremony and committing to one another is taking place in Spain. That is the actual wedding

Just a curious question in this case what would happen if nobody wanted to pay to go to Spain? Surely the ceremony bit is people seeing you get married or in this case have a 'blessing'. If no one wanted to fork out tons of money to go watch them in Spain would that still be classed as the real wedding?

A lot better value for money/cheaper than doing a party here.
Well, it would be. Because your guests are paying for themselves, you are the one saving the dosh.
What exactly isn't "sinking in", as you so patronisingly put it?

We did something similar. We paid for flights and hotels of close relatives (but not food etc while they were there) and then everybody else we just invited with no expectation of many turning up.

Then we still go with our family

This is weird, invite people to the registry office (I have never heard of them limiting the guest list to the two witnesses, that's silly) and then have your honeymoon in spain...surely the cost of your fake spainish ceremony would cover a little pub lunch after the registry office for close friends and family?