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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child not invited to party

191 replies

RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:24

Ok dd is in reception came up from nursery with a few friends girls and boys, the mums all became friends st nursery and it’s carried on to school we meet up with dc and socially.
Dd had a party and included all nursery friends still in her class, now a good friend of hers and mine dc is having a party and not invited dd back.
Now I know just because you invite something yours doesn’t mean you instantly get one back but being close friends, play dates etc and for dd not be included seems odd.
I saw her handing out the invites in front of us so not a mix up.

It’s put me off the mum who I thought was a friend really.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 09/04/2018 09:26

Did they invite all the friends but DD?

Allthewaves · 09/04/2018 09:27

I'd be pissed off but just take a step back and let dd get on with it. Tbh I'd have playdates with other kids.

Allthewaves · 09/04/2018 09:28

Just thought - is friends dc a boy. We have had parties a few parties in reception that are girls only

SD1978 · 09/04/2018 09:29

They may have had limited places for school friends and the child didn’t put your child on the list. It’s horrible when it happens, but if the child is given the choice, it’s their choice who comes. It’s not something you can question, and it’s your choice as to how you let it affect the friendship.

stateschool · 09/04/2018 09:29

YANBU but not much you can do so move on. Your DD will make new friends and not all kids can go to everything

Wolfiefan · 09/04/2018 09:29

Kids invite who they like best to their party. Unless they've invited the whole class and not your child then YABU. Just because you meet up and get on with the parents it doesn't mean the kids have to be BFFs.

DeathStare · 09/04/2018 09:30

I don't mean to sound harsh, but get used to it. As children get older parties tend to get smaller and it really is up to the child which 6/8/10/however-many other children they invite to their party. There will be plenty of occasions over the next few years where your DC won't be invited to another DC's party. Some will be children whose parents you are friends with. Don't take it personally and accept it with good grace - and teach your child how to do the same.

Original poster
RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:31

It is a boy whose party it is so might be boys only- the thing is i would have said when he came to dd’s Party ‘would have invited dd to ours but it’s boys only’ or mentioned it beforehand but to just pass out invites in front of us was rude I thought.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 09/04/2018 09:32

It's not rude! Why should your child be invited just because you are friends with the parent? You're being rather PFB!

Original poster
RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:32

More so the way she’s gone about it rather than not including dd is what has surprised me

OP posts:
Original poster
RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:34

Because Wolfie-
We see each other socially often
Dc are close friends
Known each other long time
They come to our parties
And it was rude to dish out invites in front of us when we were the ones not included

OP posts:
CallYourDadYoureInACult · 09/04/2018 09:37

I agree with death. You are going to have to get used to this, far worse is going to happen, and if you are at all sniffy about it it can come back and negatively affect your DD.

Popfan · 09/04/2018 09:39

Yeah that's rubbish. Totally understand why you are upset. Could you ask her about it? Tricky one but at least then you'd know the reason why.

foxyloxy78 · 09/04/2018 09:40

It was insensitive to your feelings. But agree with the others, something that will happen often now as party sizes decrease as they get older Just don't dwell and try to ensure your child is not too caught up in it.

Original poster
RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:42

Don’t know if I can ask her about it- supposed to be meeting up tomorrow.
I think as someone said upthread I’ll probably just start to keep my distance a little but not let anyone know that I’m not happy about it.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 09/04/2018 09:43

Sorry you still haven’t answered. Is she the only one of the “friends” that isn’t invited? Or are you saying all the other are boys?

Original poster
RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:43

Dd did notice but didn’t seem upset I’ll make sure we do something fun on that day I’m sure as said on thread this won’t be the last time she’s not invited back so it will get her used to it I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:44

Sorry dd is the only one in their class from the nursery group not invited but he hasn’t invited to whole class iyswim

OP posts:
Dancingmonkey87 · 09/04/2018 09:47

Answer the question op has your friends boy invited only boys? I never understand these threads kids birthday party’s are boring and I wouldn’t even give it head space if my dd gets invited or not. If we are available we go if not we don’t.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 09/04/2018 09:47

Small house? Limited budget?

Totally understand why you're upset in this situation.

Try not to let your dd see how you feel. And I would have to ask the mum if everything's ok. I'd do it in a way that showed concern, though. Has your dd been mean and you're not aware or something? Maybe her ds is struggling?

Homemenu1 · 09/04/2018 09:47

It’s rubbish and it hurts, I’ve had it done to my children, one mum went on and on about how much our children were best friends at my ds’s party, the other child’s party was the day after and ds hadn’t been invited.

Don’t worry about it, nothing you can do. Try not to take it personally, fake it if needed.

Carry on your friendship but just don’t let yourself get to close

Mumofkids · 09/04/2018 09:48

Parties and invites are one of the worst aspects of school and it gets far worse the older they get, particularly if you have a reasonably popular child and then one who is not. Who literally gets zero invites. It's horrid but nothing you can do.
One of mine had a girl who told her she was second reserve, then invited, then back to first reserve, then invited, then uninvited! In the end I had to message the mum and say, I honestly didn't mind either way but could it just be one way or the other! I'd personally have been so embarrassed by my child's behaviour I'd have had the child come, but she was put back on reserve 🤣

Original poster
RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:51

To clarify I only saw the invites going out to a few people but she had more that weren’t given out and from what I saw it was boys from nursery and new boys from class- I don’t know who the others were for. Dd is the only girl in that class from the same nursery as the boys the other girls (x3) all in the other class.

OP posts:
feral · 09/04/2018 09:53

So you've only seen invites going to boys and you have a girl and instead of waiting for clarification you on here feeling all butthurt?

Check the facts first!

Quartz2208 · 09/04/2018 09:55

Then he is just having a boy only party with a few boys. That makes total sense.

Here I think the issue is for you she did not simply say that