Child not invited to party

[RedDice]

Ok dd is in reception came up from nursery with a few friends girls and boys, the mums all became friends st nursery and it’s carried on to school we meet up with dc and socially.
Dd had a party and included all nursery friends still in her class, now a good friend of hers and mine dc is having a party and not invited dd back.
Now I know just because you invite something yours doesn’t mean you instantly get one back but being close friends, play dates etc and for dd not be included seems odd.
I saw her handing out the invites in front of us so not a mix up.

It’s put me off the mum who I thought was a friend really.

If your dd wasn't upset then I would drop it. No need to do something on the same day, and especially if you tell her why. That would only teach her she has reason to be upset. Handing out invitations in front of you was insensitive, though.

t was the first time he came across this type of gender segregation shit. How young it starts

Its not shit and thank fuck that for now we still live in a world where women (and little girls) can have things just for themselves, and so can boys.
Maybe be a bit sadder about how early male entitlement has started in your son and teach him about not expecting to be allowed entrance to things females want to be female only, and how he can enjoy the same himself, which is developmentally normal anyway.

I always s wi der how you’re supposed to hand out invites so as not to offend other parents. Are you supposed to try to work out who the feck Jonathan’s mother is and sidle up to her drug dealer style and slip the invite whilst speaking out the side of your mouth, I got the invite, keep it on the downlow. Or a stealth ninja manoeuvre- you’re back over the other side of the room before Sally’s mother realised what has hit her bag. Or rely on the kids to pull them out if their bag- which you’ve stealth modes them into
How did I miss this, it's blooming hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

Repeal

Are you quite well? You seem to be loosing it....... You've come across as quite unpleasant in this thread and the 'tribute' thread, but your last post is vile and ridiculous. Go & get some fresh air or something.

RepealMay is talking a lot of sense.

The old "invite everyone who has ever invited you to a party" argument is ridiculous on so many levels. As already said, you might just be inviting half a dozen people which could be tricky if 12 have already invited you. 2. Friendships change frequently with little ones. 3. It means that September borns get to choose their friends, but Spring and Summer borns have their guest list dictated to them or 4. Do you carry on into Year one, then Year two, and so forth? - the guest list would become impossible. It's one of the more ridiculous arguments regularly trotted out on MN.

Yabu. My son is having a party but due ti finacing and the entertainers preference it is limited numbers. Ds has chosen his friends. If one cant come he can choose another. He has been invited to a lot but not all and i havent batted an eye lid. Just think of it as one less present to buy! As the years go on the parties will slow down as frie dship groups start cementing a bit

My son was excluded from a fellow classmates party a few years ago when he was 8. To make it worse the child's father had arranged a minibus to collect all the kids from school. My son was incredibly hurt more so that the child who's birthday it was asked his parents infront of me why my son couldn't go too? The parents told him to shut up and get on the bus. It really hurt my sons feelings and mine too. Luckily it was a Friday So we booked a hotel on the seafront at Blackpool that evening and drove there. Spent the weekend having a fab time at the pleasure beach. Cheered him up no end.

I wouldn't take it personally, I only invite who DD specifies, it's nothing to do with my friendship with the mum.

For people who get offended over parties, there have been times that due to money we've had to limit numbers. It's not great that the invites were handed out in front of you but sometimes people get over excited and start handing out etc. It is awful and I know people read into it but then at the same time they do read into it a lot more than they should. And parents shouldn't be blamed either, sometimes things just work out that way!

YANBU. Of course not everyone can be invited but in reception parents should be guiding who's invited - not just random list of who their child names that day. And OP would probably have understood if the parent had said to them in advance "sorry we can't invite your DD - it's numbers/boys only" - that lets parent and DD be pre-warned. It's a tricky situation,
& I'd avoid handing invites out in front of people too much, but some people make it worse by being insensitive. (a few in this thread it seems )

I think my reply would acknowledge your feelings here. It can feel a bit hurtful when you are friends with people and then your children aren’t invited to their parties. I know people say toughen up and they’re right but you are entitled to your feelings. Personally I’d have said something to the friend if we weren’t inviting her child, in fact I did once our girls had different friends and grew apart. No biggie to talk to someone if they are a friend. In your place I might casually ask if it was just an all boys party this year and ask her what she’s planning. The single sex parties are a thing sadly but not really in reception year. It seems more Year 2 inwards that the boys themselves seem to really express a preference. My reception year son has lots of girl party invites but not so many boy ones interestingly. Also he’s only really still friends with one friend from pre-school now he’s in reception. He only had 2 invites in pre-school yet my daughter had tons. I’m having to learn to not compare or worry. He doesn’t seem to mind. Ultimately if your DD is ok then try not to worry. Xx

I’ve got the child who gets invited to whole class parties but never usually smaller ones. She has 2 best friends and those are the ones she gets invited to. She is funny though. Last time, 2 parents came with their cars after school to collect all of the girls invited to the party my dd went over to the cars and shouted ‘hope you all have a lovely time at xxxxxs party, see you all tomorrow!’ She means this totally genuinely, no sarcasm involved and no malice. The parents on the other hand looked horrified as they couldn’t get the cars sorted and out of the car park fast enough!!

In the same class is a child who’s obviously the popular child who gets invited to all the parties. However their sibling is in the same class as my younger child. My younger child seems popular and gets a lot of invites to non whole class parties however this other parent with the popular older child has a less popular younger child and was telling us all how devastated her younger child was about not being invited to a few parties and she can’t understand why. Oh, I hate using the word ‘popular’ but it explains the secenario best.

Swings and roundabouts. I can’t afford a big party so my eldest has had her 2 friends over the last few years. Youngest is still a bit young to pick friends and when she was in reception last year we invited the whole class but being an end of August birthday and invites went out in July at the end of term I knew we wouldn’t get all attending. Luckily we got the minimum numbers required for the venue!! Worked in our favour. I’d have paid for more if they turned up but was keeping fingers crossed for minimum numbers. Not sure what to do this time round.

Oh and someone mentioned stealth when giving out invites. Yep, I’ve been tapped and slipped and invite with a whisper and drug dealer kind of look going on!! It’s quite funny but sad at the same time. And when I’ve given out the 2 invites it’s felt awkward too - actually one year we did give out 10 and I was literally shaking trying to find the correct adult for the child!!

Celtic I also have one massively popular child and one with a small, tight group of friends (though since high school that seems to be expanding!)

And I think the reason why SOME kids are devastated when they don't get invited to every party is their parent's reaction.

When this happened to mine I was very nonchalant about it....so she learned to be the same.

I have that exact situation with my 2 DDs, @celticprincess but reversed; my DD1 (9) went to a few whole class parties earlier on, but has only been invited to 1 party in the last 3 years. DD2 (6) gets invited to so many parties. The contrast is extreme. One of her friends said to her mum, who is my friend, 'Everyone is her best friend.'

DD1 does find the contrast hard to deal with and it makes me sad. But she does have 2 good friends now, one from school and one from Brownies.

Dd1 has asked to invite some of the children who have excluded her from parties (excluded is a bit harsh but you get the jist). When we talk about who to invite to her party she often lists off all girls who’ve had parties and not invited her. I don’t make a big deal out of the ‘she didn’t invite you so you can’t invite her’ but get round it by limiting numbers due to budget.

Yes I’ve encouraged the socialising at brownies etc too which is good. My less popular child is a very sociable child and actually gets on with everyone. I’ve never had a complaint from her teachers about friendship issues and she lives in her own little planet where she believes everyone is her friend - I’ve witnessed unpleasant behaviour towards her in the yard which has gone over her head so I’ve just kind of let it go. Her class is quite cliquey and I agree that a lot comes from the parents attitudes. I’m partial to believing some children behave as their parents do. I’m the parent who says good morning to everyone I pass who I recognise!! I’m the one who goes up and joins the cliques. I’m also the parent who can arrive early and not be joined by any other parent and will notice the cliques form around me. I really don’t take it personally. My dd1 doesn’t seem to either. I dread the day she realises that not everyone is nice. Life’s too short.

Her class is quite cliquey

Yep that can cause really issues for the children of non clique parents. Some parents are so narrow minded on their children's friendships. Shame really.