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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child not invited to party

191 replies

RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:24

Ok dd is in reception came up from nursery with a few friends girls and boys, the mums all became friends st nursery and it’s carried on to school we meet up with dc and socially.
Dd had a party and included all nursery friends still in her class, now a good friend of hers and mine dc is having a party and not invited dd back.
Now I know just because you invite something yours doesn’t mean you instantly get one back but being close friends, play dates etc and for dd not be included seems odd.
I saw her handing out the invites in front of us so not a mix up.

It’s put me off the mum who I thought was a friend really.

OP posts:
Dulra · 09/04/2018 10:32

but to just pass out invites in front of us was rude I thought.
Absolutely agree op it was rude. I do not for a second though feel your child should have been invited to the party as others have said it is up to the birthday boy/girl who'd they like to go or up to parents on the number of kids they can have afford but I do not understand why people still hand out paper invites and why they are allowed do it in class in front of other kids? Our school don't allow this thankfully and parents email out the invites so kids that aren't invited are usually blissfully unaware that the party took place.

5plusMeAndHim · 09/04/2018 10:35

They are they are both moving on and may grow apart making new friends no longer at nursery, he is moving on

Don't be one of those people who send a xmas card to Doreen and Eric who they met on holiday in Benidorm in 1973

5plusMeAndHim · 09/04/2018 10:36

I think parents worry about their child being slighted FAR more than the child does, if that is any consolation

Bouledeneige · 09/04/2018 10:38

It is part of life - all our lives - and your DC and you will have to get used to it. It will become even more apparent as they get older - your kids may well not get on with your friend's kids. I know some parents who let this become a real issue between them and it spoilt years of friendship.

You can't make kids be friends with other kids or tell them who they have to invite to parties.

MayFayner · 09/04/2018 10:39

Imo it is very rude to pass out the invitations in front of others.

Unfortunately there's a vast amount of rude people around. They can do as they wish, of course, but they don't last long in my circle of friends.

KERALA1 · 09/04/2018 10:44

Op don't give it a second thought. If you fret about every perceived slight to your child you will be on Valium by the end of primary.

Mumofkids · 09/04/2018 10:53

Just wanted to add unless all the class are being invited (which is understandably not frequent as they get older) I do think it's rude to hand out invites in front of uninvited children. And I would always get my own children to do it discreetly and not discuss it in school. Having had a child with SN who was never included you realise how bad those little things can make other kids feel.

crunchymint · 09/04/2018 10:53

OP kids sometime have very different views of who their close friends are than other parents do.

Vickxy · 09/04/2018 11:06

Yeah YABU in my opinion. Especially if its a boys party and your child is a girl!?

BaronessEllaSaturday · 09/04/2018 11:17

How are you supposed to give out invites if you can't do it outside school ?

Lizzie48 · 09/04/2018 11:23

Birthday parties cause so much angst sometimes, and yes a lot of mums do become over invested. The reason is, though, that children can be badly hurt in this way. My DD1 never gets invited to parties now (aged 9, year 4 now), and she never was invited to many when she was younger. Now DD2 is in year 1 and she's constantly being invited to parties, and DD1 sees this and is hurt.

And I agree that it's only on MN that you're not allowed to be upset about it. It's not that the birthday boy has done anything wrong in not inviting OP's DD, but OP and her DD are allowed to feel hurt that she hasn't been invited. And I think, as his mum is on friendly terms with the OP, and the children go to each other's houses for tea, it's a bit off that she didn't see fit to say anything to the OP like 'It's a boys only party,' for example.

But I agree that it's just one of those things you do get used to once your DCs have been in school for a few years.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 11:23

More so the way she’s gone about it rather than not including dd is what has surprised me

She's gone about it in a totally normal way, she's invited kids to her kids party.
You're kinda nuts to imagine she should have considered you and your feelings for even a second.

IsabelleSE19 · 09/04/2018 11:25

Especially if its a boys party and your child is a girl!?

What's a boys' party? Measuring willy sizes game? Pass the Y chromosome?

AjasLipstick · 09/04/2018 11:26

As they get older this just happens OP. People start asking their child who they WANT at their party. Your DD wasn't in that list probably. It's normal though.

AjasLipstick · 09/04/2018 11:27

Isabelle it's irritating but a few parents DO seem to segregate them once they hit reception/year 1.

IsabelleSE19 · 09/04/2018 11:28

How are you supposed to give out invites if you can't do it outside school ?

In our case it was done in a very obvious way, with the little girl skipping over to each person with their invitation. Was very cute, and lovely for all the chosen children, but for my DD, watching her every move and hoping she would run over to her, it wasn't nice. It could have been done more subtly I think.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 11:29

What's a boys' party? Measuring willy sizes game? Pass the Y chromosome?

Hilarious. Hmm It's simply a party for all boys which could not be more normal at that age.

Vickxy · 09/04/2018 11:30

What's a boys' party? Measuring willy sizes game? Pass the Y chromosome?

A party for boys Hmm

Some people are pretty old fashioned like that, or the child may request it themselves, I guess it depends on the activity too.

IsabelleSE19 · 09/04/2018 11:48

Some people are pretty old fashioned like that

So it seems. How sad.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 11:49

There is nothing old fashioned or sad about it. Stop trying to make children conform their natural desires and needs to your stupid notions of what is PC or acceptable.

KERALA1 · 09/04/2018 11:52

Tip for new parents - do not attempt an after school soft toy making party with 8 year old boys desperate to have a run about, ignore assurances from your daughter that they will "love it". They didn't. We were trying not to be sexist but the reality was traumatic.

AddictiveCereal · 09/04/2018 11:58

When the children are so young its much kinder to be inclusive. I wouldn't leave out a child where the parents and children meet up regularly.

Also, at such a young age its wrong to hand out invites in front of others where some are invited and other children will notice they are left out. Invites can be done discretely. In our school everyone sets up a group whatsapp to for party invitations.

IsabelleSE19 · 09/04/2018 12:00

Jesus Christ Repeal, 'natural desires'?? Not all boys, or girls, fit into exact pigeon holes. There's nothing PC about it. My DS is friends with two girls, one of whom loves Star Wars and the other super heroes. For his part, he hates football (much to my disappointment as a fan and former player - sorry if that's too PC!) and would probably be really happy with a soft toy making workshop or similar.

Vickxy · 09/04/2018 12:07

Old fashioned was probably the wrong word to use there, apologies.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 12:10

Jesus Christ Repeal, 'natural desires'??

Yes, it perfectly natural for boys to want to hang out with and have parties with just other boys. It's also perfectly normal for them to not want to.
WTF are you talking about it being sad and old fashioned? It's obviously neither. It couldn't be more normal and you should mind your own business.