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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child not invited to party

191 replies

RedDice · 09/04/2018 09:24

Ok dd is in reception came up from nursery with a few friends girls and boys, the mums all became friends st nursery and it’s carried on to school we meet up with dc and socially.
Dd had a party and included all nursery friends still in her class, now a good friend of hers and mine dc is having a party and not invited dd back.
Now I know just because you invite something yours doesn’t mean you instantly get one back but being close friends, play dates etc and for dd not be included seems odd.
I saw her handing out the invites in front of us so not a mix up.

It’s put me off the mum who I thought was a friend really.

OP posts:
RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 21:35

Until you have actually seen your child distraught and upset by something like this you cannot understand the hurt and pain it can cause

OPs kid couldn't give a shiny one. IME your kid is only distraught if you make a big fuss about it and make it a bigger deal.

Wolfiefan · 09/04/2018 21:38

It's hurtful if a child says "you're not my friend any more and you can't come to my party." Or "I hate you. Everyone else is coming and you're not." Etc etc.
it's hurtful if everyone else in the class is invited and your child isn't.
Otherwise it really isn't a big deal. Don't make it into one and I agree with Repeal the kids won't give a shiny shit.

Nonky · 09/04/2018 21:39

You are lucky you haven’t experienced it Repeal. I am pleased your child has never been excluded like that. However I certainly did not make a fuss myself.

Nonky · 09/04/2018 21:40

You cannot just say ‘the kids won’t give a shit’!!! What a total generalisation!! As I say, I am really pleased your children have never felt like that.

Rawesome6 · 09/04/2018 21:42

But Nonky that isn't what happened here. OP's DD wasn't upset. I agree that it is hard when your child does feel left out

puglife15 · 09/04/2018 21:45

Are you sure you're not invited? Maybe she thought she'd give you the invite tomorrow when you meet up instead and focus on the others while in the playground??

I had an awkward situation where my son invited some people for his bday and was very clear he did not want this particular person in his class whose mum I am friendly with to come... I really wanted to invite them but couldn't after he'd said that (it was a small party). Ironically they're friends now.

chocatoo · 09/04/2018 21:52

RepealMay25th 'illogical and wrong' in your opinion! Jessikita is also entitled to her opinion.

I feel that many PPs are looking at things in a very black and white way: I can't imagine there are many kids who wouldn't mind having a couple of extra invited as long as they weren't sworn enemies which they clearly aren't (means another birthday gift if nothing else, tongue in cheek)...and it's not a case of another 20 or 30 being included, it's about having the awareness of others around you and your child, to understand who might feel particularly hurt or excluded as opposed to the notion that a 5 year old should be treated like a tiny despot for the day.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 21:53

You are lucky you haven’t experienced it Repeal. I am pleased your child has never been excluded like that

One of my children is always excluded due to her special needs.But we just get on with it and do not whine about people being cruel (even though sometimes in our case they have been)
In this case though, the kid does not care. It's the mother that is all whiney pants about it, and you are projecting,

Nonky · 09/04/2018 21:53

Perfect post chocatoo

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 21:54

to understand who might feel particularly hurt or excluded

But they aren't! So what are you wittering about?

Nonky · 09/04/2018 21:55

Repeal - my son was excluded from a whole class party and the child told him it was because his mum said He and his friends might ‘catch aspergers’ from him. You’d have to be a pretty tough cookie to just let things like that wash over you

Nonky · 09/04/2018 21:57

I understand the op’s child is not upset. I just find the ability of some (not all) mothers to just hand out invites to a selected few in front of the other kids who haven’t been invited yet are standing there hoping to get an invite pretty horrid

Nonky · 09/04/2018 21:59

Horrid even if a child that is not invited isn’t upset! Do it bloody privately - don’t flaunt the invites around without giving a shit about other people’s feelings!!!!! Would you do that with a group of adults?

PiggyPoos · 09/04/2018 22:00

My DC often don't get invited to parties which I expect in a large school

However if it was a friend who had a kid in the same class I'd definitely explain why there was no invite if they had always been mutually forthcoming before.

I think it's a bit thoughtless.

Wolfiefan · 09/04/2018 22:00

You're projecting. Why would my child be standing there hoping to get an invite if she's not friends with the kid having the party.
Catching Aspergers? What a shit thing to say. Honestly. You're better off not being around narrow minded and stupid people like that.

Starlight2345 · 09/04/2018 22:01

Op... I have friends who my Ds will play happily with my Ds when I get together. They don’t though play together at school. They don’t get invited to each other’s parties.

As he has started primary school he may not play with your child at school

Nonky · 09/04/2018 22:03

But the OP’s daughter does feel she is friends with the child!

Wolfiefan · 09/04/2018 22:04

From what she's posted it is mainly the OP who's friends with these people and there kids went to nursery together. OPs child isn't bothered.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 22:08

You’d have to be a pretty tough cookie to just let things like that wash over you

Yes, but that isn't what we are talking about here at all. Which is why we need perspective. My DD isn't invited to parties because people are afraid she will have a seizure (or "spaz out" as one fucking delightful creature put it Hmm) but again, we are not talking about that.

Get a grip. Not everything is the worst case scenario. This is a not bothered little girl who hasn't been invited to the party of a friend of her mothers child, because he wants his new school friends there.

Nonky · 09/04/2018 22:20

That’s disgusting what people say about your daughter. Awful.

In the nicest possible way I don’t need to get a grip. I am a random on the internet as are you and neither of us know each other’s stories or reasons for having the opinions we do.

I just think people could be a little kinder when it comes to invites and parties that’s all.

caringcarer · 09/04/2018 22:25

I have observed school aged kids do sometimes tend to invite just same gender kids to party. However if they have opposite gender sibling themselves they then sometimes have mixed gender party. It is hard if you have one popular child and one shy less popular one. One year my dd was not invited to one party and my son went to about 8.

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 22:29

I just think people could be a little kinder when it comes to invites and parties that’s all

This situation doesn't need any kindness. Nobody has done anything wrong!
People need to stop projecting their own issues here.

GreenTulips · 09/04/2018 22:31

Well I've seen plenty of upset adult not invited to nights out.

There's no excuse for being treated poorly by so called friends

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 22:35

What has that got to do with anything? I've seen grown adults be upset for no good reason at not being invited to stuff they had no reason to be expected to be invited to either.

Not inviting everyone of your friends kids to a party is not treating them poorly! What is wrong with some of you?

GreenTulips · 09/04/2018 22:40

This girl is a friend of the birthday boy not some random

The only reason she's kitninvoted is because she's a girl (or so we think) the mother said the date and venue of the party to the mother so would assume she was invited and the mother has 'failed' to mention the party in recent meet up

That's treating your friends poorly

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