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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be home alone for just two hours a week?

189 replies

limon · 07/04/2018 09:51

Preferably to have a lie in on a saturday and a slow solitary breakfast.

For context I work full time and have one dd. Dh works part time and has on average four days a week hone alone while I'm at work and dd is at school or when it's a weekend day and I take DD out (often both weekend days).

OP posts:
Arapaima · 07/04/2018 09:53

YANBU at all. Have you asked?

theWarOnPeace · 07/04/2018 09:54

Totally reasonable. If you haven’t been getting any breaks up until this point, why?

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 09:54

Over and over. He takes her out for breakfast one weekendday a week. But then falls back into the habit of not taking her out.

I just want space. And quiet. And calm. For two measly hours. One would be enough.

OP posts:
parklives · 07/04/2018 09:59

Enroll DD in swimming/ballet/football lessons on Saturday mornings and make it DHs job to take her.
I know lots of mums who have this arrangement to get a little piece, you can do the same for DH on Sunday's cafe/swimming/ trip to park etc.

parklives · 07/04/2018 10:00

Peace!

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 10:00

She won't go to lessons and I won't force her.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 07/04/2018 10:01

Yep a nice morning activity for dd

Avasarala · 07/04/2018 10:04

Every weekend, just tell him

"Looking forward to a bit of time myself at last, where and you and DD going this morning?"

Every weekend. Don't ask IF he is taking her out. Ask him when/where. Just assume he's on top of it. So, if he isn't planning on it then he will need to spell that out and you can then say "but you've had 4 days to yourself. I need an hour or I'm going to go insane".

holycityzoo · 07/04/2018 10:09

Yes totally reasonable. At the weekend dp takes our youngest three out somewhere leaving me in bed. He's taken them to soft play this morning and will give them lunch there. Eldest is in bed and probably won't surface for a bit.
Usually I try and make sure all the household crap is done so I can just do something I want to do but today I'm going to tidy up and clean as it half term and the house looks like it's been burgled. when I finally get off mumsnet

billybagpuss · 07/04/2018 10:12

5 years ago for Christmas I asked for Gone With the Wind and 4 hours alone to watch it. I got the DVD, Its still in its cellophane, I'm still waiting for the 4 hours. Grin

I guess I'll miss them when they leave.

tenterden · 07/04/2018 10:15

YANBU

Tell him if you don't get the time at home you will have to book into a hotel alone to get your "me time" and he can pay?

I hope you get it sorted.

NoHunsHereHun · 07/04/2018 10:23

YANBU. How old is DD? Re the weekends, how about blocking out the time on a calendar as Dad/DD activity time for weeks ahead so the expectation is there? Does your local cinema do cheap kids showings on sat/sun mornings that you can pre-book tickets for? As the weather improves could they go for park outings? As much as I hate adding to the mental load, maybe this would help a little. Flowers

gamerwidow · 07/04/2018 10:26

Not unreasonable at all. I work parttime and have mom and fri to myself while she's at school. I always take DD out for a bit at the weekend to give DH a bit of space. I feel like I'm going insane by the end of school holidays if I've not had some alone time so I understand your sentiment.

Ducktalesooooh · 07/04/2018 10:37

Not unreasonable at all. Me and DH both work full time. Each weekend we get alternate lie ins (til around 10am). Once a month we get a day at the weekend to ourselves and once or twice a year we get a whole weekend when the other takes DS to visit grandparents alone.

We have plenty of family time but it's also important for DS to spend time with us just one on one. And the time we have alone is great for much needed battery recharging.

So we can all agree you're not being unreasonable, but what do you think you can do in order to get the time you need?

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 10:52

avasarala done that. I have told him I need him to take dd out every sat morning . Many many times we have agreed. He told me last night where he was taking her this morning and then didnt.

OP posts:
Avasarala · 07/04/2018 10:54

Then you pack her bag with her snacks/toys/spare clothes - whatever she needs for the wee trip out. Put the bag in the car. Put her shoes on and stand at the door telling your husband that DD is waiting.

Just don't accept it. He's promised you this one thing, he can give you this thing. Don't accept it when he doesn't. You need and deserve time to yourself, do not be afraid of showing your feelings about that and making sure it happens.

Avasarala · 07/04/2018 10:56

If he won't do it, then leave for the day. You shouldn't need to leave your home for some peace and quiet, but you need to take a stand. He's working part time with a school aged child, he gets time to himself. You need the same.

I'd say the same thing to a man working with a part time working wife and school aged children, so it's not a gender thing.

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 11:26

avasaria why should I have to do that? He knows very well he has agreed to take her out Saturday mornings.

OP posts:
Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 11:26

avasaria I want peace at home not elsewjere.

OP posts:
tenterden · 07/04/2018 11:41

Then you need to ensure there are consequences if he refuses to do what he has promised to do.

At the moment he just says "yes dear" and then does exactly what he wants. Is he likes this in other ways?

Queenio24 · 07/04/2018 11:51

I'm inclined to go against the grain here... I don't see why you should turf your dd & DH out of their own house every single weekend. It's their house too, and I agree it would be lovely to have an hour or two peace & quiet but you can't force them out.
I also work FT and would also like everyone to sod off and leave me alone for a bit, but it's a bit much to just get rid of them!

Original poster
limon · 07/04/2018 12:19

queenie I'm not forcing anyone. I've asked, he has agreed and then stops again.

The reverse is also true - why should I be forced out to get some peace? And where can I get peace away from home?

OP posts:
GeorgeTheHippo · 07/04/2018 12:37

Have you told DD where she is going so that she badgers him?

Queenio24 · 07/04/2018 12:56

I do understand why you want some peace, but my take on it is he clearly doesn't want to go out, or he would do.
I'm not sure about your question about where you can get some peace on your own. I guess it's very hard working FT and having young kids too.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 07/04/2018 13:14

Can you put a weekly Saturday morning alarm on his phone which says take DD out

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